Get Ready to LOL with These Hilarious Lie Jokes.

Liars tend not make eye contact, which is why I don't trust pirates half the time.

People said that I have irrational fear of lies.
Bu I'm afraid that is not true.

To be honest with you, I start all my lies with to be honest with you.

What do you call it when a man lies about his penis size?
A Phallacy!

FUN Fact:
It's ok and "I'm fine" are the two most common lies spoken in the world.

The best way to lie is to tell the truth, carefully edited truth.

I’ve never been able to bend the truth; I think it’s a lie ability.

I went to join Liars Anonymous , but they gave me the wrong address .

The school phoned me today and said, "Your son's has been telling lies."
I said, "Tell him, he's bloody good. I don't have any kids”

Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter since nobody listens.

Ever been in a situation where you know someone is lying to you, but you sit there waiting to see how far they'll take it?

I’m always disappointed when a liar’s pants don’t actually catch on fire.

The best part about being a pathological liar is flying my helicopter to my private island.

To be honest with you, I start all my lies with to be honest with you.

A woman dies. In heaven she sees a large Wall full of Clocks.
She asks angel: What are these for?
Angel answers: These are Lie Clocks, every person has a lie clock! Whenever you lie on earth, clock moves.
The woman points towards a clock and asks: Whose clock is this? ...
Angel says: Its Mother Teresa's. It never moved, showing that she never told lie.
The woman asks: Where are the clocks of Married men?
The angel replies: Those are in our office, We use them as 'OFFICE FANS'
She then asked, what about the Married women?
The angel replied,
'those are kept out... they are generating electricity...!!

My wife left me, saying I was a compulsive liar
Atleast I think that's what she said... I was busy wrestling a tiger at the time.

What are the 3 sizes of condoms?
Small, medium and liar.

Liars tend not make eye contact, which is why I don't trust pirates half the time.

What do you call a Mathematician who is an outlaw and a liar?
An outlier.

There are two types of men in this world
Those who have tried to suck their dick, and liars.

My father, a massive liar, told me he'd been shot...
I said 'I can see right through you'.

My girlfriend says I'm a fantasist and a compulsive liar.
That's a bit rich coming from someone who doesn't exist.

My girlfriend said I'm nothing but a bare-faced liar
So I've grown a beard.

My chemistry teacher is a damn liar!
He said that alcohol is a solvent. I've been drinking for years and it hasn't solved any of my problems.

I keep telling everyone I’m a pathological liar.
But they won’t believe me.

Two Russians meet in a prison cell...
"How long?" the first one asks.
"Fifteen years. You?"
"Ten, for politics. What're you in for?"
"For nothing."
"Liar! For nothing, you get five years!"

A penis says to his balls, “I’ll take you two to a party.” The balls replied, “you fuckin’ liar‽!! –
– ...you always go inside alone and leave us outside knocking.”

If a liar says that he's lying, would that be a lie ?
Only if he's standing up !

My doctor just told me I’m a compulsive liar.
Then she gave me a blowjob before I left.

What do you call a guy who hasn’t measured his penis?
A liar.

My Ass is a liar!
It is so full of shit!

There are two kinds of liars when it comes to masturbation......
The ones that say they’ve never done it and the ones that say they’ve stopped.

Ghosts are really terrible liars.
You can see right through them.

What does a liar do after he dies?
He lies still.

Why did cinderella get kicked out of Disneyland ?
Because she sat on Pinocchios face and said: lie bastatd lie )

What is it called when a bull lies about other bulls?
Bullying.

The next sentence is telling the truth. The previous sentence is telling a lie.

How do you know when an orphan is lying.
When they say I swear on my mother’s life.

A mom gave her son “the talk”. her son replies "wait so there really isn’t candy involved? Guess Grandpa lied.

My dad and I went to the hospital once, and he said he’d be fine and it’d only take a few minutes.
Lying bastard never came out.

What’s green and has wheels? Grass, I lied about the wheels.

How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?
His lips are moving.

What do you call it when a man lies about his penis size?
A Phallacy!

People said that I have irrational fear of lies.
Bu I'm afraid that is not true.

What do you call a lizard that tells damaging lies about you?
A slandermander.

Where do people get their lies from?
From the lie-brary.