Jokes About Hate - Turn Negativity into Laughter and Fun!

Don’t you hate it when someone answers their own questions?

I know I do.

I would lose weight but I hate losing.

I went to the cinema to watch “Harry Potter”
...and I was surprised to see a man and his dog there. The dog barked at the exciting bits, growled at the scary bits and whimpered at the sad bits. At the end I approached the owner and said how I had never seen a dog enjoy a film so much and I was amazed. He replied “So am I. He hated the book”

I hate when people say it's a quarter to ten... when it's way easier to just say 9:75pm.

I hate cleaning my windows…

It’s a pane in the glass.

“A senior developer is someone who fluently hates more than one programming language.”

Let's stop sending money to other countries and let them hate us for free.

I don't just hate "the" government. I'm consistent. I hate government.

"They don't ban hate speech; they ban speech they hate."
~ Elon Musk

Why do Python programmers prefer to work in the dark? Because they hate white space errors.

If no one hates you, you're doing it wrong.

Someone has your dream job and seriously hates working everyday.

"Be so big that it’s cool to hate you."

"Be so big that it’s cool to hate you."

You hate the current government.

I HATE GOVERNMENT.

We are not the same.

The only thing my wife hates more than picking a place to eat is the place I just picked.

What do you call people who hate long sentences?
Criminals.

The government hates us all. Especially people that speak the truth.

Twitter is cool because somewhere across the world someone you don’t know hates you.

I’m not saying that I hate you, but I’d unplug your life support machine to charge my mobile.

My girlfriend hates it when I tweet about my wife.

Her: I like bad boys.
Me: well you’re gonna hate my dog.

Don't steal, don't lie, don't cheat, don't sell drugs. The government hates competition!

I hate Cinco de Mayo said no Juan ever.

I don't hate any specific race.
I just hate running, period.

I hate those things that pop up out of nowhere when I'm watching porn.

Co-workers.

I haven't tried yoga... but I have tried bending over to pick up my keys, so I'm pretty sure I'd hate yoga.

Please use a condom on Valentines Day.
I hate Taurus.

i only type in lower case letters because i hate capitalism

I hate Christmas shopping for the wife, I've just wasted two hours in a queue to discover Poundland don’t do gift vouchers.

Never treat a woman like an object.
It hates that.

What’s the difference between Disney+ and porn hub?

Disney + wants you to hate your stepmother.

I hate when my wife accuses me of something I didn't think she knew about.

Don't steal, don't lie, don't cheat, don't sell drugs. The government hates competition!

I hate when girls try to kiss me during sèx.
i got a girlfriend. Chill.

I was given a bag of peanuts which was blessed by the Pope.
I gave them away.
I hate religious nuts.

I hate family reunions.
I see too many of my ex’s there.
#incestjoke

I hated it when my mom dressed my brother and me in the same clothes when we were kids.
We could hardly walk.

I hate people who use deep English just to make us feel intoxicated by exuberance of verbosity betaprutal contraption.

I hate holding my wife's purse in public. It never matches what I'm wearing.

I used to hate math, but then I realized decimals have a point.

After I drink coffee I show my empty mug to the IT guy and tell him Ive successfully installed Java.

He hates me.

I would lose weight but I hate losing.

I hate when people say it's a quarter to ten... when it's way easier to just say 9:75pm.

"It is madness to hate all roses because you got scratched with one thorn."
Antoine de Saint-Exupére

I hate it when I'm talking to myself and suddenly realize I wasn't listening and have to start over.

I hate when people accuse me of lolly gagging when I’m quite clearly dilly dallying.

I hate when people accuse me of lolly gagging when I’m quite clearly dilly dallying.

I hate swimming when it rains. I get all wet.

Her: Could you do Polygamy?

Me: Hell no. I hated algebra in High School.

My friend is a male stripper. He hates his job and wants to quit, but the pay is too good.
So he decided to stick it out for a little longer.

I hate people who use deep English just to make us feel intoxicated by exaberance of verbosity betaprotal contraction.

I hate that awkward feeling when you’re talking and realize nobody is listening so you just kind of fade out and pretend you never said anything.

Always return borrowed money...

even money hates to be a loan.