Hot and Hilarious Summer Jokes for Endless Fun.

I asked my dog if he had any summer vacation plans. He replied, "I'm just gonna stay pawsitive and chase my tail. Who needs a tropical destination when I have this built-in amusement park?"

I am so old I remember when global warming was called summer!

The guys who work on my yard in the summer also shovel snow in the winter.

They go from landscapers to landscrapers.

I'm going to work as a waitress for the summer for the first time. Yall got any tips?

Never trust a tree in the summer...

Most of them seem pretty shady...

Heinz is making a new season salt. The winter salt is not great, but you will flip when you taste their summer salt.

If I get pushed in the pool this summer, I'm not swimming back up. Enjoy your murder charge.

I've just realised why all the LGBT festivals always happen in the Summer.
Because Pride comes before the fall.

Don't worry about Summer changing to Fall.
It will happen Autumnmatically.

“I have done nothing all summer but wait for myself to be myself again —”
— Georgia O’Keeffe

What's the best letter to have in summer? Iced T.

Happy summer -- the time when it's too hot to do the jobs it was too cold to do all winter!

My son said to me "is it Summer out in the ocean?", i said "do yo mean the sea son"

This summer I want to learn how to fish. Then I want to learn how to duck, then how to dog, and if there’s time, how to rabbit.

I’d like to learn how to water ski this summer. Does anyone know where I can find a lake with a slope on it?

You can usually tell when it’s summer in Britain because the rain is warmer.

Two psychics meet on the street. One says "lovely weather at the moment". The other says, "yes, reminds me of the summer of 2022".

Our church has a volunteer choir for the Summer whose members are not in the regular choir. They are called the “Summer Singers” because summer singers and some aren’t.

I love the Welsh summer, apparently this year it’s on a Tuesday...

"In the depth of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer."

~Albert Camus

If you eat a lot of spicy food, you can lose your taste.....
When I was in India last summer, I was listening to a lot of Michael Bolton.....

What's the best letter to have in summer? Iced T.

Owls prefer to mate in the summer than in the winter when it rains. It’s too wet to woo.

Why do kids like summer vacation so much?
It's the only time they will ever get to experience a classless society.

- Why did Humpty Dumpty have a great fall?
- Why?
- To make up for his miserable summer.

- Where did your mom go for her summer vacation?
- Alaska.
- Never mind, I’ll ask her myself.

- What summer vacation destination makes your pet bird sing for joy?
- I haven’t a clue.
- The Canary Islands!

First dog: Where do fleas go for summer vacation?
Second dog: Search me!

- Where did Tarzan go on summer vacation?
- Where?
- Hollywood and Vine.

- Why can’t basketball players go on summer vacation?
- Why not?
- They’d get called for traveling!

- My son came to visit for summer vacation.
- How nice! Did you meet him at the airport?
- Oh, no. I’ve known him for years!

- Where do eggs go on summer vacation?
- I don’t know.
- New Yolk City!

- Why don’t mummies go on summer vacation?
- I don’t know.
- They’re afraid to relax and unwind!

- Why did the robot go on summer vacation?
- I haven’t a clue.
- He needed to recharge his batteries.

- Where do sharks go on summer vacation?
- Where?
- Finland!

What did one tornado say to the other?
“Let’s twist again, like we did last summer….”

It was a terrible summer for Humpty Dumpty, but he certainly had a great fall.

You say tomato, I say summertime snowball.

This should be posted in every school or kid's bedroom. (11) RULES KIDS WILL NOT LEARN IN SCHOOL.
*Rule 1 : Life is not fair - get used to it!
*Rule 2 : The world doesn't care about your self-esteem. The world will expect you to accomplish something BEFORE you feel good about yourself.
*Rule 3 : You will NOT make $60,000 a year right out of high school. You won't be a vice-president with a car phone until you earn both.
*Rule 4 : If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a boss.
... *Rule 5 : Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your Grandparents had a different word for burger flipping - they called it opportunity.
*Rule 6 : If you mess up, it's not your parents' fault, so don't whine about your mistakes, learn from them. *Rule 7 : Before you were born, your parents weren't as boring as they are now. They got that way from paying your bills, cleaning your clothes and listening to you talk about how cool you think you are: So before you save the rain forest from the parasites of your parent's generation, try delousing the closet in your own room.
*Rule 8 : Your school may have done away with winners and losers, but life HASN'T. In some schools, they have abolished failing grades and they'll give you as MANY TIMES as you want to get the right answer. This doesn't bear the slightest resemblance to ANYTHING in real life.
*Rule 9 : Life is not divided into semesters. You don't get summers off and very few employers are interested in helping you FIND YOURSELF -that's for your own time.
*Rule 10 : Television is NOT real life. In real life people actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs. *Rule 11 : Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one! ~Most recent rendition written by Charles J. Sykes... So if you can read this... Thank a Teacher. If you can read this in English... Thank a Soldier! And for life and everything else you have... Thank God & your parents!! Now.... think about this and smile and feel free to repost if you choose!

One hot summer day, a blonde came to town with her dog, tied it under the shade of a tree, and headed into a restaurant for something cold to drink. Twenty minutes later, a policeman entered the restaurant and asked, 'Who owns the dog tied under that tree outside?'. The blonde said it was hers. 'Your dog seems to be in heat' the officer said.
The blonde replied, 'No way. She's cool 'cause she's tied up under that shade tree.' The policeman said, 'No! You don't understand. Your dog needs to be bred'. 'No way,' said the blonde. 'My dog doesn't need bread. She isn't hungry 'cause I fed her this morning.'
The exasperated policeman said, 'NO! You don't understand. Your dog wants to have sex!'

The blonde looked at the cop and said, 'Well, go ahead. I always wanted a police dog.'

What’s the difference between spring rolls and summer rolls?
Seasoning.

The weirdest summer job I have ever had was cleaning the monkey cages at our local zoo.
That shit was bananas.

Argentina might not be cold in the summer, but it is pretty close to chilly.

Two nuns are painting an office at the rectory on a hot summer day. One says to the other, we should take off our habits so as to not get paint on them. So both nuns are painting the room in the nude when they hear a knock on the door. Flustered, one says “Who is it?” followed by a man’s voice saying “Blind man”. Figuring the man wouldn’t see anything they open the door. The man walks in and says “Nice tits ladies. Now where do you want me to install these blinds?

What happened to the man who masturbated too much in the summer?
He got heat stroke. 🥵

What do you call a Frenchman wearing summer beach sandals?
Phillipe Phloppe.