Shine a Light on Your Day with Our Lightbulb Jokes !

How many Palestinians does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They'll just sit in the dark and blame Jews.

"How many witches does it take to change a lightbulb?"

"Depends, into what?"

How long does it take a necrophiliac to screw in a light bulb?
Not long... they like to do it while it's still warm.

How many dead strippers does it take to change a light bulb ?
At least 13 because my basement is still dark.

How does it change many dyslexics to take a lightbulb?

How many divorced men does it take to change a light bulb?
No one knows...
They never get to keep the house.

How many realtors are needed to change a bulb?
Five. One to change, and four others to say they would have done it for a lower price.

How many dancer teachers does it take to change a light bulb?
Five! Six! Seven! Eight!

How many introverts does it take to change a light bulb?
Why must it be a group activity?

I use to make light bulbs. That job brightened my day.

Comedians who tell one too many lightbulb jokes soon burn out.

How many click-bait articles does it take to change a light bulb?
The answer may shock you.

How many Brexiteers does it take to change a light bulb? One to promise a brighter future and the rest to screw it up!

How do 1960s baby boomers change a lightbulb?
we don’t.
we just tell you how good the old one was.

How many flies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Just two, but I have NO IDEA how they got in there!

How many paranoids does it take to change a lightbulb?

Why? Who wants to know?

How many sheep does it take to change a light bulb?
One, two, three, four......*yawn* good night....

Q: How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Three, but they're really only one.

How many paranoids does it take to change a light bulb?

Who wants to know?

How many 16-year-olds does it take to change a light bulb?
"Whatever."

I wonder if unscrewed lightbulbs feel delighted ?

Howlong does it take for a nurse to change a light globe?
About 15 seconds to change the globe and 20 minutes to document it.

How many real men does it take to change a light globe.
None Real men aren’t scared in the dark.

How many car salesmen does it take to change a light bulb?
I’m just going to work this out on my calculator, and I think you’re going to be pleasantly surprised.

How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?

One, two, a one two three four.

A guy threw a light bulb and it broke.
It wasn't a bright idea..

How many witches does it take to change a lightbulb? Just one. They change them into frogs.

How many clickbait articles does it take to change a lightbulb? The answer will shock you!

How many Aries does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one, but it takes a lot of light bulbs.

How many Tauruses does it take to change a light bulb?
What, me move?

How many Geminis does it take to change a light bulb?
II

How many Cancers does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one, but he has to bring his mother.

How many Leos does it take to change a light bulb?
A dozen. One to change the bulb, and eleven to applaud.

How many Virgos does it take to change a light bulb?
One to clean out the socket, one to dust the bulb, one to install,
and two engineers to check the work.

How many Libras does it take to change a light bulb?
Libras can't decide if the bulb needs to be changed.

How many Scorpios does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They LIKE the dark.

How many Sagittarians does it take to change a light bulb?
One to install the bulb, and a Virgo to pick up the pieces.

How many Capricorns does it take to change a light bulb?
The light's fine as it is.

How many Aquarians does it take to change a light bulb?
Have you asked the bulb if it WANTS to be changed?

How many Pisceans does it take to change a light bulb?
What light bulb?

How many astrologers does it take to change a light bulb?
"Don't ask me now, Mercury's retrograde!"

Q: How many new agers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Two. One to screw it in and one to observe how the lightbulb itself
symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a
world where we can all aspire to be gods.

Q: How many Harvard students does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Just one. He holds the lightbulb and the universe revolves around
him.

Q: How many professors does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Only one, but they get three technical reports out of it.

Q: How many graduate students does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Only one, but it takes nine years.

Q: How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two, one to hold the giraffe, and the other to fill the
bathtub with brightly colored machine tools.

Q: How many data base people does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Three:
One to write the light bulb removal program,
one to write the light bulb insertion program, and
one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure
nobody else tries to change the light bulb at the same time.

Q: How many supply-side economists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. If the government would just leave it alone,
it would screw itself in.

Q: How many Unix hacks does it take to change a light bulb?
A: As many as you want; they're all virtual, anyway.

How many ADD kids does it take to change a...
We should ride bicycles you guys!!

How many skateboarders does it take to change a light bulb?
One, but it take him 100 tries.

How many cubs fans does it take to change a light bulb?
None they just talk about doing it next year.

How many Teamsters does it take to change a light bulb?
Six. You got a problem with that, pal?

How many alcoholics does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to drink until the room spins.

How many sorority girls does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
3; one to change the bulb, and two to design the T-Shirts.

How many surrealists does it take to change a lightbulb?
A fish.

How many Vietnam vets does it take to change a lightbulb?
You don't know man, you weren't there man!

How many folk musicians does it take to change a lightbulb?
5; One to change the lightbulb, and four to write songs about how much better the old bulb was.

How many guitarists does it take to change a light bulb?
7; one to do it, and 6 to stand around saying "pshs, I could do that."

How long does it take a performance artist to change a lightbulb?
I don't know, I left after the first hour and a half.

How many Mystery-genre writers does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to screw it almost all the way in and the other to give it a surprising twist at the end.

How did the hipster burn his hand?
He changed the lightbulb before it was cool.

How many computer scientists does it take to change a lighbulb?
None. That is a hardware issue.

How many Freudians does it take to change a light bulb?
Sex.

How many mice does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Two but it's cramped.

How many flies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
2 but nobody knows how they got in there.

How many Grateful Dead fans does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, they just let it burn out and follow it around for a few decades.

How many therapists does it take to change a light bulb?
None. The light bulb has to want to change.

How many midgets does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One. With a step ladder. They're short, not stupid.

How many Germans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One. They're efficient and not very funny.