Funny Optimistic Jokes to Lift Your Spirits.

Replace the negative with the positive.......
and next time put the battery in right the first time.

"Optimist" is a person, who keeps his car's motor running...
...while his wife goes shopping.

The optimist says the glass is half full.

The pessimist says the glass is half empty.

The engineer says the glass is over-designed for the quantity of water.

I'm optimistically single.
My bed is half full.

Never trust your fears, they don’t know your strength….Keep Moving Forward !!!

An optimist is someone who falls off the Empire State Building, and after 50 floors says, 'So far so good!'

Words of Encouragement...
If you ever feel like trash, remember...
It's Garbage Can,
Not Garbage Can't

I've set my "life goals" to stuff I've already done so literally every day now I'm overachieving.
It's all about perspective.

Aspire to inspire before you expire.

People say I’m having a midlife crisis but I can’t hear them over the sound of my new motorbike.

I went to a positive thinking course ,when I got there it was half empty .

Did you know that running for just 10 minutes a day raises your risk of posting inspirational quotes by 63%?

Whenever I’m sad I just read my blood donor ID.
It always says “B positive”.

Optimist thinks that the world he's living in is the best possible.
Pesimist is afraid that it's really true.

What is an Optimistic Vampires favorite drink?
B Positive!

What did the optimist say after losing control on the left half of his body?
I'm all-right.

"Optimist" is a person, who keeps his car's motor running...
...while his wife goes shopping.

How many optimists does it take to change a lightbulb.
None. They just find light in the darkness.

Who are the most optimistic people in the world?
The Jews, they don't know how much it's gonna grow but they still cut it.

Dear Optimist, Pessimist, and Realist,
While you were arguing over that glass of water, I drank it.

-Opportunist

Why did the optimist lose his job at the photographic processing lab?
He couldn't focus on the negatives.

What’s the difference between an optimist and a pessimist?
An optimist created the airplane; a pessimist created the seat belts.

What did the optimist say when he was pushed off a storey building?
so far so goo...

I'm optimistically single.
My bed is half full.

The pessimist sees a dark tunnel, The optimist sees a light at the end of the tunnel.
The realist sees two lights at the end of the tunnel, and the engineer can see three idiots standing on the rails.

How can you easily spot an optimist?
An Older person buying green bananas.

How can you tell an optimist from a pessimist?
Ask them to pronounce OPPORTUNITYISNOWHERE.

An optimist is someone who brings a book to read for an eye dilation test.

The optimist says the glass is half full.

The pessimist says the glass is half empty.

The engineer says the glass is over-designed for the quantity of water.

Have I told you about the Russian optimist vs the pessimist?
The pessimist says, " Things could not get worse."
The optimist says, " Oh yes they can."

A group of retirees meets in a Tel Aviv coffeehouse to discuss the world's many problems. One of them shocks his friends by announcing:
- "I'm an optimist."
-"Then why do you look so worried?"
- "You think it's easy to be an optimist?"

My teacher said that two positives can't make a negative.
Yeah right.

I'm really trying to spread positivity.
But once I test positive I'm told not to spread it.

Replace the negative with the positive.......
and next time put the battery in right the first time.

I was at the library the other day when I found a book called "The Power of Positive Thinking."
I thought "What good could that do?" so I put it back.

I was a bit depressed so I surrounded myself with positive people.
Now I am at the hospital.

2019: Stay away from negative people.
2020: Stay away from positive people.

Jews can’t handle positive reinforcement.
In school they tried giving me a gold star. No way was I falling for that again.

Chuck Norris tested positive for COVID-19.
The virus is now in quarantine for two weeks.

I have always thought of myself as a positive person.
Now thanks to COVID-19 I have proof!

What’s one thing that turned out positive in 2020 ?
My COVID test.