Age Jokes - Hilarious Jokes About Getting Older.

Son: Dad, for $20 I will be good.
Dad: Oh yeah! When I was your age, I was good for nothing.

The age of consent here is 17. But I am a gentleman...
I ask for consent regardless of age!

I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar.

How many Comcast customer service agents does it take to change a lightbulb?
Is the lightbulb plugged in sir?

Technically, you can't date someone half your age till you're 36 years old.

Didn't realise 35 is the max age someone can be circumcised. Apparently that's the cut off age!

What's a good age to tell your Pet, he was adopted?

An 80-year-old man went to the doctor for a general check-up.
The doctor was shocked to see his health and asked him:
'What is the secret of your good health ....?'
The old man answered:
— 'I get up before the sun rises and go out for cycling and then come and drink two glasses of wine!
Maybe this is the secret of my health. '
Doctor:
— 'Okay, but can I ask you how old was your father when he died ...?'
— 'My father died ...?
Who told you that he died???’
Doctor (surprised): —'You mean that you are 80 years old and your father is still alive ...? So how old is he now ....? '
— 'He is 102 years old and cycled with me this morning and then took two glasses of wine'
Doctor:
—‘This is very good. This means that the long life is in your family's genes.
So how old was your grandfather when he died….?’
—‘Hey why are you killing my grandfather now ...?'
Doctor (puzzled):
—'You mean that you are 80 years old and your grandfather is still alive very much!
What is his age .....? '
— 'Yes, he is 123 years old.'
—‘I think he too must have cycled with you this morning and taken wine too .....?'
Take a cold breath! —‘No, Grandpa could not go this morning,
because He is getting married today.’
Doctor (on the verge of going mad):
—‘What do you mean marriage .....? Why would he want to get married at the age of 123…?’
— 'Who said he wanted to get married ....? He had to be forced.’
— 'But why ........’ shouted the Doctor!!
— 'Girl is pregnant, that's why!'
The doctor has been cycling regularly and drinking wine ever since......
The clinic is closed.

The Manchester United team visited an orphanage today.
"It's heartbreaking to see their sad little faces with no hope," said Johnny, age 6.

My father was never proud of me. One day he asked me, "How old are you." I said, "I'm five." He said, "When I was your age I was six."

Do you know how weird it is to be the same age as OLD people??

A 92 year old man is walking through a park and sees a talking frog. He picks up the frog and the frogs says, “If you kiss me, I will turn into a beautiful princess and be yours for a week.” The old man puts the frog in his pocket. The frog screams, “Hey if you kiss me, I will turn into a beautiful princess and make love to you for a whole month.” The old man looks at the frog and says, “At my age I’d rather have a talking frog.”

Old age is when the gleam in your eyes is just the sun shining on your bifocals.

I hate it when people say age is only a number.

Age is clearly a word. 😎