Dream Big with These Funny Jokes About Dreams.

In dreams she is mine,
In reality she is a dream.

If you want dreams to happen go to bed.

A dessert dreamed of flying. It was pie in the sky.

Stalin appears to Putin in a dream.
"Why is everything here so bad?" asks Putin, "What can I do to make Russia great again?"

Stalin replies, "Execute half the government and paint the Kremlin blue."

"Why blue?" asks the inquisitive Putin.

"I knew you wouldn't object to the first part" says Stalin.

If you find a toilet in your dream, don’t use it.

Up at 5am, 8km run completed, got home, prepared a vegetable smoothie for breakfast...
Don't remember the rest of the dream...

If you want dreams to happen go to bed.

I dreamt last night that I was back the 1990s...
There I was, stranded in a desert and I thought I could see an Oasis...
But when I woke... it was just a Blur

“Too many of us are not living our dreams because we are living our fears.”
— Les Brown

"There is suffering in life, and there are defeats. No one can avoid them. But it's better to lose some of the battles in the struggles for your dreams than to be defeated without ever knowing what you're fighting for."
~ Paulo Coelho

What did Mariah Carey say when her boyfriend bought her an undeveloped property so they could build their dream house?

“I don’t want a lot for Christmas.”

I told my therapist about a dream I had, then I asked him, “What do you think that means?”.

He said, “It means you were sleeping.”.

Did you hear about the girl who was dreaming that she was eating a giant marshmallow? She woke up and her pillow was gone!

I got paid for being part of a study at a sleep clinic last night... it was my dream job!

Why did the little boy hide sugar under his pillow at night?
So he would have sweet dreams!

Last night, like every night, I dreamt I was half horse, half man.
My shrink says I'm just being self centaured.

A man goes to a psychiatrist due to a reoccurring dream...
He says to the shrink, "Sir, I've been dreaming that I wrote "The Lord of the Rings", night after night. What could this mean?"

The doctor ponders for a moment and says, "You've been Tolkien in your sleep."

Guy goes to a shrink.
What seems to be the problem?

The guy says, I keep having this recurring dream I’m an auto mechanic.
The shrink says, OK get under the couch.

If you want dreams to happen go to bed.

What if sleep is our natural state and we get up every morning to gather information for dreams ?

Three friends - two men and a blonde woman - are exploring the African wilderness.

They come across a mystical looking place with a really long slide. The slide has a sign next to it that reads, "Welcome travellers to the slide of dreams. Take a ride! As you get to the bottom of the slide shout out what you wish to slide into."

So the first man goes and as he gets to the bottom shouts "marshmellows!", and he lands into a huge bed of marsh mellows.

The second man hears his friend's glee and decides to give it a go. As he gets to the bottom he shouts "cash!", and he lands into a huge bed of $100 dollar notes.

The blonde sees everyone seems to be having heaps of fun decides to give it a go as well. As she gets to the bottom she gets incredibly excited and shouts "weeeeeeeee!"

If you see a toilet during

a dream, do not use it.

A man was dining alone in a fancy restaurant and there was a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He had been checking her out since he sat down, but lacked the nerve to talk with her. Suddenly she sneezed, and her glass eye came flying out of its socket towards the man. He reflexively reached out, grabbed it out of the air, and handed it back.
'Oh my, I am so sorry,' the woman said, as she popped her eye back in place. 'Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you.'
They enjoyed a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards they went to the theatre followed by drinks. They talked, they laughed, she shared her deepest dreams and he shared his. She listened to him with interest. After paying for everything, she asked him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap and stay for breakfast. They had a wonderful, wonderful time. The next morning, she cooked a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The guy was amazed. Everything had been so incredible!
'You know,' he said, 'you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?
''No,' she replies. She said ..... "You're just the first man who happened to catch my eye."

I wonder if that kid in the Dreamworks logo has caught a fish yet...

A woman woke up and told her husband of about her last night's dream. "I was at an auction for dicks. The big ones sold for $1,000 and the tiny ones for $10." The husband says, "What about one my size?"

His wife responds, "Didn't get a bid," and then laughs to herself.

The husband wants revenge, so the next morning he tells his wife about his dream last night. "I was at an auction for vaginas. The really tight one's sold for $1,000 and the loose ones for $10."

His wife says, "What about ones like mine?"

The husband smiles and says, "That's where they held the auction.

I dreamt that I wrote the Hobbit the other day.

Turns out I was just Tolkien in my sleep.

Q: Did you hear about the guy who dreamed he was eating a giant marshmallow?
A: When he woke up, his pillow was gone.

A woman was taking an afternoon nap. When she woke up, she told her husband, "I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace. What do you think it means?" "You'll know tonight," he said. That evening, the man came home with a small package and gave it to his wife. Delighted, she opened it to find a book entitled "The Meaning of Dreams."

Why do black people only have nightmares? Because we shot the last one that had a dream.

I wonder if the 2 Irish kids off the Titanic movie who went to sleep before it sank had wet dreams?

Wife: "In my dream, I saw you in a jewelry store and you bought me a diamond ring."
Husband: "I had the same dream and I saw your dad paying the bill."

LAST NIGHT I DREAMED I WAS A MUFFLER....I WOKE UP EXHAUSTED!!!

I had a dream last night I was weightless
Then I went like 0mg ...

If you pee in your dream and actually wet the bed, that’s technically a dream come true.

An elderly couple had just learned how to send text messages on their cell phones. The wife was a romantic type and the husband was more of a no-nonsense guy.
One afternoon the wife went out to meet a friend for coffee.
She decided to send her husband a romantic text message and she wrote:
"If you are sleeping, send me your dreams.
If you are laughing, send me your smile.
If you are eating, send me a bite.
If you are drinking, send me a sip.
If you are crying, send me your tears. I love you."
The husband texted back to her:
"I'm on the toilet. Please advise."

I may not be a genie, but I can make your dreams come true.

Can I follow you home? Cause my parents always told me to follow my dreams.

Caribbean male pickup lines: They are Punny!
I hope you came with a library card because I need to borrow you.
Is your name Google? You have everything I am looking for.
Hold me tight girl and feel the boyfriend material.
I am walking behind you because my mama told me to follow my dreams.
Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk in front of you again?
(While rubbing eyes) Girl, something is wrong with my eyes, I just can’t take them off you.
You are like the Great Wall of China, I just can’t get over you.
You remind me of a lobster, all the meat is in your tail.
I heard that you are good in math, can you replace my X without asking Y?
You must come from ISIS because you are the bomb!
I was feeling a little off, but you turned me back on.
I want to be a gardener so that I can plant my tulips on your tulips.

There was a man in Bulgaria who drove a train for a living.
He loved his job, driving a train had been his dream ever since he was a child.
He loved to make the train go as fast as possible.
Unfortunately, one day he was a little too reckless and caused a crash.
He made it out, but a single person died.
Well, needless to say, he went to court over this incident.
He was found guilty, and was sentenced to death by electrocution.
When the day of the execution came, he requested a single banana as his last meal.
After eating the banana, he was strapped into the electric chair.
The switch was flown, sparks flew and smoke filled the air- but nothing happened.
The man was perfectly fine.
Well, at the time, there was an old Bulgarian law that said a failed execution was a sign of divine intervention, so the man was allowed to go free.
And somehow, he managed to get his old job back driving the train.
Having not learned his lesson at all, he went right back to driving the train with reckless abandon.
Once again, he caused a train to crash, this time killing two people.
The trial went much the same as the first, resulting in a sentence of execution.
For his final meal, the man requested two bananas.
After eating the bananas, he was strapped into the electric chair.
The switch was thrown, sparks flew, smoke filled the room- and the man was once again unharmed.
Well, this of course meant that he was free to go.
And once again, he somehow manages to get his old job back.
To what should have been the surprise of no one, he crashed yet another train and killed three people.
And so he once again found himself being sentenced to death.
On the day of his execution, he requested his final meal- three bananas.
"You know what? No," said the executioner. "I've had it with you and your stupid bananas and walking out of here unharmed. I'm not giving you a thing to eat, we're strapping you in and doing this now."
Well, it was against protocol, but the man was strapped in to the electric chair without a last meal.
The switch was pulled, sparks flew, smoke filled the room- and the man was still unharmed.
The executioner was speechless.
The man looked at the executioner and said "Oh, the bananas had nothing to do with it. I'm just a bad conductor." 🚂

I got paid for being part of a study at the sleep clinic-

– It was my dream job! 😃

Women dream of world peace, a safe environment, and eliminating hunger.What do men dream of?
Being stuck in an elevator with the Spice Girls.

Bart was a regular fellow, quite charming actually. But he farted often than most.


Bart has obatined that sweet sweet yes from the girl of his dream, they agreed to a date on his now girlfriend's house.


They were eating, chatting, laughing, until he had the sudden urge to fart. Of course like any decent gentleman he chose not to embarrass himself and hold it in. But he failed and it came out almost instantly.


"Max, get out of here right now!" His girlfriend said. Max was her dog that was sitting just beside their table.


Bart was relieved that she thought it was the dog that farted! Looks like he got away this time.

Now Max the obedient boy that he is, went straight under the table, girlfrien.. let's just call her Annie from now, just ignored him and continued on their date.


About 5 minutes have passed and Bart had the urge to fart again. He's not called Farty Bart for nothing.


This time it was one of those farts that are labeled "silent but deadly" Bart wanted to be sneaky and just let it out without a sound, praying Annie wouldn't notice.

Again, he failed.


Annie noticed the absurd smell immediately.


Again she said "Max, get out of here i said!"

Again Max didn't bat an eye and just stayed there.


Bart, again relieved that he got away because of his now best friend Max, is... well about to fart again.


This fart was one of those "big ones" you know the one the you know is gonna be bad... like really bad


He tried to hold it in, his face began to turn red, he sweated a lot, he was like having this spiritual battle... with his fart.


And then alas, he failed.


The fart came out in all of it's glory, probably filling the whole room!

Now Annie was full of it, she couldn't stand it, Max had to go.

Annie stood up and said "Max! If you don't get out of here right now you're gonna get shat on!"

Last night I had a dream that I died, went to hell and Satan made me karaoke with him...that's right, the devil made me duet! 👺

Last night I had a dream about Gloria Gaynor...

At first I was afraid.... Then I was petrified 🤗

I had a dream I weighed less than a thousandth of a gram.
I was like, 0mg...🗿

Who called it wet dreams instead of nutmares?😷🍆