Mens Jokes - Your Go-To Source of Guy Humor.

When a man opens the car door for his wife, you can be sure of one thing, either the car is new or the wife is. 🚔 💃

My town’s population never changes. Every time a girl gets pregnant, a guy leaves town.

If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive, they would eventually find me attractive.💵

A guy travels into town and notices a sign up in his local gunsmiths. It reads “Hunting season now open”.
Excited, he jumps back in his truck and heads home.
He shouts to his wife that he’s going hunting, and after loading up his truck with what he needs, he drives off to the forest.
After a couple of hours he brings his truck to a stop on top of a hill.... the perfect spot he thinks.
He gets out and uses his binoculars to scan the surrounding area. After a while, he spots a huge grizzly bear on the next hill.
He goes to the trunk and pulls out his 22 calibre rifle. He peers through the scope at the bear and squeezes the trigger. His rifle cracks and he watches the bear fall and roll back down the hill into the bushes.
Excited.... he heads down the hill, up the next hilll and descends down into the bushes.
He roots around... muttering to himself “I know I got that bastard” when he feels a tap on his shoulder.
He turns around and standing in front of him is the bear.
“Now” says the bear “You have a choice.... I can either claw you with my big bear claws. I can bite you with my big bear teeth..... or.... I can fuck you up the ass?”
Knowing his only chance of survival, the hunter undoes his belt and turns around and the bear goes to work.
After around an hour, the hunter finally manages to crawl back to his truck, his ass aching.... and as he pulls himself back onto his feet, he turns around and sees the bear roaming around on the opposite hill again.
“Right you motherfucker” he says, and again heads to his trunk.
This time he pulls out his 308... lines up the sight and squeezes the trigger.
“BANG!!” Again.... he sees the bear fall and roll down the hill into the bushes.
“YES!!” He yells.... still limping, he heads down the hill, up the next hilll and descends down into the bushes.
He roots around... muttering to himself “I know I got that bastard this time” when he feels a tap on his shoulder.
He turns around and standing in front of him is the bear again shaking its head.
“Now” says the bear “You have a choice again.... I can either claw you with my big bear claws. I can bite you with my big bear teeth..... or.... I can fuck you up the ass?”
Still aching.... but again knowing his only chance of survival, the hunter undoes his belt and turns around and the bends over.
An hour later.... and the hunter finally manages to crawl back to his truck, tears streaming down his face . and as he pulls himself back onto his feet, he turns around and sees the bear roaming around on the opposite hill again.
“This time you sick fucker” he says, and again heads to his trunk.
This time he pulls out his elephant gun..... lines up the sight and squeezes the trigger.
“BOOOOOM”... he sees the bear flip into the air, fall and roll down the hill into the bushes.
“YES!!” He cries and again... he heads down the hill, up the next hilll and descends down into the bushes.
Again he searches around... “I know I got that bastard this time” .....when he feels a tap on his shoulder. He turns around and standing in front of him is the bear.
The bear winks at him and says.... “you’re not really here for the shooting are you?”

Some women are gathered and the subject of conversation turns to sex and then birth control.

The first woman says "We're Catholic so we can't use it."

The next woman says "I am too but we use the rhythm method."

The third woman says "I'm Catholic too but we use the bucket and saucer method."

"What the heck is the bucket and saucer method?", the others ask.

"Well, I'm five foot eleven... and my husband is five foot two. We make love standing up with him standing on a bucket, and when his eyes get big as saucers I kick the buckets out from under him."

Lord! Your sons are using hand sanitizer to masturbate ✊🍆💦 in order to come clean 🤦‍♂️

"Excuse me," I said to the woman sat in front of me on the bus, "You have some semen on the back of your jacket."
"I'm sure it's not semen," she said "It's probably yoghurt."
"It's definitely semen," I said "I don't ejaculate yoghurt." 🤪

A Dentist Was Caught Having Sex With His Patient.
Next Day The Newspaper Headlines Were.
Dentist Caught Filling The Wrong Hole! 🔞

Q: What is the difference between an UNDERWEAR & a STAGE CURTAIN?
A: When you pull down the STAGE CURTAIN, the show is over, but when you pull down the UNDERWEAR .. it's SHOWTIME!!!

Q: Why do 90% gals have left boob bigger than right?
A: Bcoz 90% boys are right handed. 😎

Q: What will happen if earth rotates 30 times faster?
A: Men will get their salary everyday and women will bleed to death.

Q: What will happen if earth rotates 30 times faster?
A: Men will get their salary everyday and women will bleed to death.

Q: Why are condoms transparent?
A: So that sperms can at least enjoy the scene even if their entry is Restricted!

Not to brag but I have satisfied every waitress that has ever served me. With just the tip.

A man walks up to a woman in his office each day, stands very close to her, draws in a large breath of air and tells her that her hair smells nice. After a week of this she can't stand it any longer! The woman goes into her supervisor's office and tells him that she wants to file a sexual harassment suit against the man and explains why. The supervisor is puzzled by this and says, "What's wrong with the co-worker telling you your hair smells nice?" The woman replies, "He's a midget!"

A boob, a vagina and an asshole are debating on who is the greatest of the three of them!

Boob - "I give milk to new born babies and I'm attractive to the opposite sex, that's why I am the greatest!"

Vagina - "That's nothing, I give birth to new born and can accommodate the opposite sex, that's why I am the greatest!"

Why are you scrolling down?
It's your turn to speak. 🤗

When a menstruating girl sits on a table, can we call it a periodic table?

Dentist: “This will hurt a little.”

Patient: “OK.”

Dentist: “I’ve been having an affair with your wife for a while now.”

My wife told me that I have only two flaws.
That I don't listen and something else. 🙄

- That Prostitute Just Bought A House. She's A Ho' Moaner Now. 😂

👴🏻: "You took my daughter's virginity"
👨🏼: "I'm sorry Sir, won't happen again"

Men, never argue with a woman cos she's got four lips. 💋

My cross-eyed wife and I just got a divorce. We didn't see eye to eye. I also found out she was seeing someone on the side.

I was having sex with my girlfriend, Diana, when my roommate, Jones, entered the room.
I said, “I’m Indiana Jones, get out!”

I’m hosting a charity event for people that can’t orgasm.
Let me know if you can’t come.

Last night my wife and I made love doggy style. I sat up and begged...she rolled over and played dead. 😎

A man who is uncircumcised is a complete dick. 😆

Grandpa complained that his new trousers fitted him like a cheap castle
There was no
Ballroom. 😯

If a woman cockblocks another woman, is that a beaver dam or taco blocko? 😎