Don't Say We Didn't Warn You: The Internet's Worst Jokes.

It really would be weird if trees produce milk.

Wooden tit? 🍼

I used to be indecisive, now I’m just not sure.

Why couldn't the toilet paper cross the road?

It got stuck in a crack.

Got my girlfriend a "get better soon" card.

She's not sick, I just think she could get better.

Patient: Doctor, my eye hurts whenever I have my morning coffee!
Doctor: Take the teaspoon out of the cup before you drink your coffee. ☕🥄

Hear about the cannibal who was fed up with his wife and then dumped her?

Why is the "L" in NOEL pronounced while it clearly says NOEL?

Who called it a toilet seat and not an asstray? 🚽🧻

The reason why short people are always angry is because they can't reach happiness.

If a short person waves at you, is that called a microwave ?

Q) Who declared Corona as a pandemic?
A) WHO declared Corona as a pandemic.

I once lived just a stones throw away from a family who all died of mysterious head injuries. 😲

My hubby bought me an extremely tall lamp in the sales....
it was the high light of my day. ☝

What is pink and fluffy????
Pink fluff 😁

A slice of apple pie is $2.50 in Jamaica and $3.00 in the Bahamas. These are the pie rates of the Caribbean.

"A buddhist monk approaches a burger foodtruck and says “make me one with everything.”
The buddhist monk pays with a $20 bill, which the vendor takes, puts in his cash box, and closes the lid.
“Where’s my change?” the monk asks.
The vendor replies, “change comes from within”.

A lad says to his school teacher.
Here sir, what do you think I’ll be when I grow up,
The teacher thinks for a minute and then replies... about 45. 🧓

I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out he was an optical Aleutian.👁

What do you call a soldier who survives Mustard Gas & Pepper Spray training?
A seasoned veteran. 😲

Did you hear the one about the tornado?
SPOILER ALERT...there's a twist at the end ! 🌪

Why did the blonde nurse show up to work with a red crayon?
In case she needed to draw blood. 🩸

So this girl blocked me on Facebook because I post too many things about birds. Well, toucan play that game. 😁

Despite the old saying, "Don't take your troubles to bed", many women still sleep with their husbands.

My dad told me to make little things count.

So now I'm teaching math to dwarfs.⛔

I love blueberry pies, apple pies, strawberry pies or any other kind of pies. I am in the Caribbean now. Does anyone know any pie rates of the Caribbean?🦜🏴‍☠️

What's the difference between light and hard?
I can sleep with the light on. 😜

When you speak two languages but start losing vocabulary in both of them... "Byelingual" ✋

Warning to all animal lovers: don't kiss your pet bird--you may catch Chirpees--but don't worry, it's tweetable ...

Someone broke into the local Police Station and stole all their toilet seats.
The police have nothing to go on.

What’s better than roses on your piano?
Tulips on your organ
💋👄

If a brigantine is a 2-masted sailing vessel, what’s a quarantine?

Today I was asked to go out by 20 girls.
Sadly, I was in the women’s bathroom. 🚺

(her during sex): call me names
(me, panicking): you like that, names? 😎

What do you call a laughing motorcycle?
A Yamahahaha. 🚲

Bought a chicken to make sandwiches. It doesn't. It shits on the floor. 🚾

Difference between a lentil and a chick pea is.....I've never had a lentil in my face 🤪

I asked 100 people what shampoo they preferred to use whilst taking a shower? They all replied, "How did you get in here?”
🚿

- Is it still India?
- Yes, it's still in, dear! 😎

I liked a Cashier, so I tried to leave a hint, but she didn't respond.

I guess it didn't Register. 🙌

I was kidnapped by mimes....
They did unspeakable acts to me...😱

What did Batman say to robin before they got into the batmobile?
Hey Robin, get in the batmobile. 🚗