Jokes About Hate - Turn Negativity into Laughter and Fun!

My dad hated me when I was a kid. I remember asking him if I could go ice skating on the lake and he said maybe when it gets a little warmer.

I don't hate any specific race.
I just hate running, period.

I’m not saying that I hate you, but I’d unplug your life support machine to charge my mobile.

You know what I hate?

People who answer their own questions.

"If there are any idiots in the room, will they please stand up" said the sarcastic teacher.

After a long silence, one freshman rose to his feet.

"Now then mister, why do you consider yourself an idiot?" enquired the teacher with a sneer.

"Well, actually I don't," said the student, "but I hate to see you standing up there all by yourself."

Q: What do homosexuals and mice have in common?
A: They both hate pussy!

I went to the cinema to watch “Harry Potter”
...and I was surprised to see a man and his dog there. The dog barked at the exciting bits, growled at the scary bits and whimpered at the sad bits. At the end I approached the owner and said how I had never seen a dog enjoy a film so much and I was amazed. He replied “So am I. He hated the book”

I hate it when people talk and eat loud in the cinema.
Like shutup, I'm trying to film a movie here!

On his deathbed, a husband gasped weakly to his wife, "Please, my dear, I want you to grant me one last wish."
"What is it?", she asked.
"Six months after I die, I want you to marry Ken from next door."
"But I thought you hated Ken?", she said.
"I do", said the husband.

I hate how funerals are always at 9 a.m. I’m not really a mourning person.

My goat ate my DVD of One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest,
Which is surprising because he hated the book .

I've just paid for my wife and her mother to go to Paris for 2 weeks.
That's how much I hate the fucking French.

I hate it when I go to hug someone really sexy and my face smashes right into the mirror.

I hate sausages. They’re the wurst.

My wife hated my impulse purchase of a revolving chair, but then she sat on it.
Eventually she came round.

I hate when my wife gets mad at me for being lazy.

It’s not like I did anything.

We have hired a woman named Helen Wate to deal with all the sooks & haterz If you have a complaint....go to HELEN WATE!

Don't you hate it at the airport when everyone has got better looking luggage than you?
It's a worst case scenario.

I could never be a taxi-driver... I hate people talking behind my back.

I hate to hear that the cemetery groundskeeper died. Poor guy. Always so busy. He'll be buried in his work forever now.

My wife hates it when I make jokes about her weight.
She needs to lighten up....!

I remember when I used to hate facial hair, but it grew on me.

I hate it when people say age is only a number.

Age is clearly a word. 😎

I really hate telling people that I'm a taxidermist so instead when people ask me what I do for a living I say...you know....stuff 😎

Never objectify any woman. It hates that.

It’s fun to do but you hate knowing your parents do it too. What is it?
Facebook.

I hate double standards. Burn a body at a crematorium, you're "being a respectful friend."
Do it at home and you're "destroying evidence." 🔥

I visited my friend at his new house. He told me to make myself at home. So I threw him out. I hate having visitors. 😁

Q: What do homosexuals and mice have in common?
A: They both hate pussy!

Don't you hate when people answer their own questions? I do.

I hate it when I go to hug someone really sexy and my face smashes right into the mirror.🤗

I hate insects puns, they really bug me. 🐜

I hate when people use capital letters inappropriately.
It's not that I'm pedantic,

it's just that I'm extremely case-sensitive.

I hate spelling errors.
Mix up a couple letters and your whole post is urined.

A magician was working on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. The audience would be different each week, so the magician allowed himself to do the same tricks over and over again. There was only one problem: The captain's parrot saw the shows each week and began to understand how the magician did every trick. Once he understood he started shouting in the middle of the show:
"Look, it's not the same hat."
"Look, he is hiding the flowers under the table."
"Hey, why are all the cards the Ace of Spades?"
The magician was furious but couldn't do anything; it was, after all, the captain's parrot.
One day the ship had an accident and sank. The magician found himself floating on a piece of wood in the middle of the ocean with the parrot, of course.
They stared at each other with hate, but did not utter a word. This went on for a day and another and another. After a week the parrot said: "OK, I give up. Where's the boat?"