Jokes About Hate - Turn Negativity into Laughter and Fun!

"If there are any idiots in the room, will they please stand up" said the sarcastic teacher.

After a long silence, one freshman rose to his feet.

"Now then mister, why do you consider yourself an idiot?" enquired the teacher with a sneer.

"Well, actually I don't," said the student, "but I hate to see you standing up there all by yourself."

Don't you hate it when someone answers their own questions?
I do.

Don't you hate it at the airport when everyone has got better looking luggage than you?
It's a worst case scenario.

My resumé is just a long list of stuff I hate doing.

"If you hate a person, you hate something in him that is part of yourself. What isn't part of ourselves doesn't disturb us."
- Hermann Hesse

I hate it when you ask someone if they want sugar in their tea and they say "No. I'm sweet enough,"
and instead of laughing along with them you kill them.

I would like to lose weight but I hate losing.

I hate tacos, said no Juan ever.

My vagina’s name is Little Richard because she tastes Tutti Fruitti and hates Lil Dick.

My therapist told me that a great way to let go of your anger is to write letters to people you hate and burn them...

I did that, and feel much better, but I am wondering, do I keep the letters?

Had a nice, relaxing weekend. I now have ample energy to hate Monday and most of Tuesday.

Why do trees hate riddles?

Because they’re easily stumped

I hate going to MC Hammer's house. He wont let me touch anything.

I hate when a couple argues in public, and I missed the beginning and don't know whose side I'm on.

I hate it when I meow at cats and they don't meow back. Unbelievably rude.

I hate when I intend to dilly-dally, but end up lollygagging & gallivanting instead.

Wife: "You hate my relatives!"

Husband: "No, I don’t!, in fact, I like your mother-in-law more than I like mine." ☺️

Is it called hatred if you hate red?

I love my customer service job, it's the work I hate.

I hate school – oh so ethical
No admittance – contaminated
Austin Powers – power us satin
George Bush – he grew bogus
Grand Old Party – Portly Grandad

Why does Mozart hate chickens?

All they talk about is "Bach, Bach, Bach"

What kind of car does a dog hate?
CorVETS.

i hate lying to my parents
but
it's for their own good.

I hate people who use the same word twice in the same sentence. I mean .. enough is enough!!

I really hate being at the airport and seeing everyone else has trendier luggage than me.
It's a real worst case scenario.

I hate snakes and worms because they have no feet...
You could say I'm lacktoes intolerant!

Why does George W Bush hate math so much? Because of the Al Gore ithms.

I don't hate lazy people anymore.
Found someone else who does it for me.

I hate when my girlfriend gets mad at me for being lazy...
It’s not like I did anything.

Why do worms hate getting up in the morning?
Because the early bird catches the worm!

What’s the difference between an angler and a dunce?
One baits his hooks while the other hates his books.

Took the dog for a walk yesterday, I remembered to take poo bags...
Although, my wife really hates that nickname.

Who's the rapper that fat people hate the most?
Cardi-O B.

I hate it when people pretend to be clever and talk about Mozart as if they are familiar with his painting.

She fell in love with an acupuncturist but hated how he kept needling her.

I hate it when people get simple sayings wrong.
I mean it's not rocket surgery!

Why do mother kangaroos hate rainy days?
Because then the children have to play inside.

Don't u hate it when u offer food and the other person says yes ?

I think I speak for everyone when I say we hate being spoken for.

I hate it when I mean to buy seedless grapes but instead I accidentally get dough nuts.

Which day do potatoes hate?
Fry-day!

I hate it when you're making your way home drunk, just minding your own business, and someone steps on your fingers.

My least favourite colour is purple.

I hate it more than blue and red combined.

Things I hate:
1) Lists
B) Irony
iii) Inconsistencies

The degree to which one hates mosquitoes is typically based on how much mosquitoes love them.

I orgasmed in the tub last night.

The wife fucking hates it when I call her that.

I hate the stigma around mental health
Immediately when I got medication for schizophrenia, my friends won't talk to me anymore.

"I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet." - Rodney Dangerfield

I love cooking children and dogs...but I hate using commas.

Chinese chefs don't mind cooking out doors--but they hate wokkin' in the rain!

Isn’t it weird that to sleep, you trick yourself into thinking you’re asleep.

and to wake up, you trick yourself into thinking you don’t hate life.

One day a man went to an auction. When an exotic parrot went on the auction block, the man decided he was going to buy it, no matter what. He wanted the bird so badly, he didn’t think twice about the anonymous bidder who was outbidding him–he just kept bidding, and getting outbid, and bidding higher and higher until he finally won the bird at a price that anyone would call a rip-off. Despite his disappointment about the price, the beautiful bird was his at last!

As he was paying for the parrot, he said to the auctioneer, “I sure hope this parrot can talk. I would hate to have paid so much for it, only to discover that he can’t speak!”

“Oh, don’t you worry,” said the Auctioneer. “He’s a talker. Who do you think kept bidding against you?”

Q: What nails do carpenters hate to hit?
A: Fingernails.

A very successful businessman had a meeting with his new son-in-law.

“I love my daughter, and now I welcome you into the family,” said the man.

“To show you how much we care for you, I’m making you a 50-50 partner in my business. All you have to do is go to the factory every day and learn the operations.”

The son-in-law interrupted, “I hate factories. I can’t stand the noise.”

“I see,” replied the father-in-law. “Well, then you’ll work in the office and take charge of some of the operations.”

“I hate office work,” said the son-on-law. “I can’t stand being stuck behind a desk all day.”

“Wait a minute,” said the father-in-law. “I just made you half-owner of a moneymaking organization, but you don’t like factories and won’t work in a office. What am I going to do with you?”

“Easy,” said the young man. “Buy me out.”