Jokes About Hate - Turn Negativity into Laughter and Fun!

I hate to hear that the cemetery groundskeeper died. Poor guy. Always so busy. He'll be buried in his work forever now.

A senior developer is someone who fluently hates more than one programming language.

"They don't ban hate speech; they ban speech they hate."
~ Elon Musk

Q: What nails do carpenters hate to hit?
A: Fingernails.

My friend is a male stripper. He hates his job and wants to quit, but the pay is too good.
So he decided to stick it out for a little longer.

I hate people who use deep English just to make us feel intoxicated by exaberance of verbosity betaprotal contraction.

I hate that awkward feeling when you’re talking and realize nobody is listening so you just kind of fade out and pretend you never said anything.

Always return borrowed money...

even money hates to be a loan.

I hate it when a dog starts barking and then every other dog nearby retweets him.

I hate it when my wife keeps telling me that I don’t get it. I mean, what does it even mean?

It makes sense why women hate premature ejaculation so much
Our whole lives we're taught that nothing worth having comes easy.

I hate when people come to MY house, knock on MY door, and then give me the “Why aren’t you wearing pants?” look.

Which dinosaur does the government of the People's Republic of China hate?
Taiwanasaurus.

I hate capitalism, so i always type my messages in lowercase. i also hate racism, and refuse to run 100 metres.

My dad hated me when I was a kid. I remember asking him if I could go ice skating on the lake and he said maybe when it gets a little warmer.

Your secrets are safe with me. Mostly because my memory is shit and I hate everyone.

My resumé is just a long list of stuff I hate doing.

I hate sex in the movies. Tried it once. The seat folded up, the drink spilled...

I hate it when people just won’t let go of the past…. Debt collectors are the worst.

I hate strip clubs. I had a bad experience in one once.

Got taken to one for my birthday this one time. As the strippers did their thing, I quickly ran completely out of bills. Thought I saw a place to swipe my credit card though ...

You wouldn't believe the commotion when I tried it.

I hate talking to people who, ‘Spray it, when they say it.’
They irrigate me.

I used to hate math, but then I realized decimals have a point.

That awkward moment when an artist you hate releases a good song.

I hate people who think I'm a misanthrope almost as much as I hate the idiots who don't realise I really am a misanthrope.

So happy to be married, I hated all those questions after 1-night stands. Who are you, where am I, why am I tied up?

Don't hate your haters, they already hate themselves.

“I have decided to stick with love. Hate is too great a burden to bear.”
— Martin Luther King Jr.

Kinda rude that books come in volumes when librarians hate sound.

Doctor: The nurse says you have a hearing problem

Me: Yes. I hate fish

D: No. That’s herring

Me: What?

Scrabble? I hate that game so much....... I can't put it into words

I hate when people think they know more than me… and then they do.

"I hate working from home today!"
-- George, 47, fireman

People love air-conditioning because it’s cool.
People hate vacuuming because it sucks.

“The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference.”

― Elie Wiesel

I can't tell you how much I hate going to the gym when I can't find a parking place close to the door...

Dad: As I get older, I realize I hate taking the kids to the playground. There so much screaming and yelling.

Mom: Kids do love screaming.

Dad: I’m talking about me!

My dentist is originally from Boston.
I hate going to see him, as you always know it's going to be more than a filling.

Truth is like poetry.
And most people fucking hate poetry.

I treat my haters like AM radio, I just don't listen to them.

I love when people I’ve never heard of hate me.

Don't you hate it when someone answers their own questions?
I do.

I like school. I just hate the learning part.

I hate when new parents ask who the baby looks like. It was born 15 minutes ago, it looks like a potato!

I Hate That Feeling when you close your eyes to apply shampoo, and get paranoid that someone will kill you in the shower.

I hate it when I think I'm buying organic vegetables but when I get home I discover they're just regular donuts!

I hate peer pressure and so should you!

I don't hate school, I just hate the teachers, the homework, the tests and waking up in the morning!

I don’t hate you…I’m just not necessarily excited about your existence.

I hate when I’m trying to eat a salad and it accidentally falls in the trash and then I have to eat pizza instead.

I hate it when I see an old person, then realize that we went to high school together.

Hot take: people who say ‘I hate to tell you this’, actually love to tell you that.

I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me.
He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.

Everyone has one friend that they secretly hate.

“It is better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for what you are not.”

By André Gide, Autumn Leaves