Fair warning:
The Worst Jokes on the Internet may cause an uncontrollable urge to both laugh and cringe simultaneously. Viewer discretion is advised, and a strong sense of humor is recommended. Let the terrible laughter begin!
This collection of jokes that are so bad, they're good (or maybe just bad).
The real pandemic is how stupid everyone is.
Doctor: How in the world did you manage to swallow this?
Me: (harmonica sounds).
Women who live in tall buildings have long hair.
Yeah, how else is a prince going to save them?
What happens if you throw white sneakers into the Black Sea?
They get wet.
What’s the difference between a rabbit and a plum?
They’re both purple except for the rabbit.
Literally no one:
0 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9.
What do you call an ocean of Cats.
A Puss-Sea.
I have a piece of furniture that disappears for a few days, then returns again.
It's periodic table.
What is a necrophiliac’s favorite candy?
A Hearsey’s Kiss.
In the hardware shop:
Me: can I have 20 light bulbs please?
Assistant: 60 watt?
Me: No, 20... And I want "LIGHT BULBS"
Brace yourself for a rollercoaster ride of cringe-worthy fun.
I was becoming more and more frustrated while looking for assistance in the phone book. The first three florists I called knew nothing about flooring.
Did you know?
When a woman is giving birth, she is literally kidding...
Whats the difference between a girls G spot and a lost pokemon card collection?
A guy will spend as much time as it takes to find the pokemon cards...
How do you give Satan a hand?
Hellp.
Sign outside a clock and watch repair shop:
We Fix Sick Ticks.
Stood next to a mirror the other day and was right beside myself!
Why are you going back and forth on that rock?
Answer: because it is my rocking chair.
I hate when people say it's a quarter to ten... when it's way easier to just say 9:75pm.
If you're bi and single then you aren't bisexual.
Your bi yourself.
Bisexuals don't wear glasses.
They use binoculars.
I hate when people accuse me of lolly gagging when I’m quite clearly dilly dallying.
Answer: Look up down.
Question: How do you research goose feathers?
Why is it called "canning" if you use jars? That's totally jarring.
What should you do before
you sign a cheque?
Check you have a pen.
Yet another reason for the chicken crossing the road:
Perhaps he was being egged on.
I kept hearing someone yell, "12 inches! 12 inches! 12 inches!"
I then knew something was afoot.
Why did the stripper need more insurance?
She had little to no coverage.
Just bought a low energy light bulb from the hardware store
Assistant asked Will you be putting this up yourself?
I said No its going in the lounge.
My pet rock isn’t feeling so good ….it might be stoned.
What to you think of the Abortion bill?
I think we should pay it.
My dishwasher sucks. It's already ruined three of my paper plates.
What are sophisticated realtors known for?
Constantly telling you all about proper tea.
Every week someone sneaks into my home and steals some of my fruit..
I don't know how but they've done it again today!
Once again, I'm absolutely peachless...
How long does pregnancy last?
For a period of time
Why did the sea monster eat 5 ships loaded with potatoes? Everybody knows you can't eat just one potato ship.
I'm glad there is a "Mothers' Day" at least 1 time per year... But humbled that there are 52 "Son-days" per year!
Late last night I walked into a really dodgy looking Disco named Medusa's.
At first I was afraid, then I was petrified.
There was a scared Spanish man at a club.
Hispanic at the disco.
I ran into a dance club for people with back problems.
It was called the Slipped Disco.
What do you call a mosh pit at a disco?
A Cluster Funk.
What's the difference between someone out in the sun all day and a large-haired disco dancer with colorful perspiration?
One sweats profusely and the other fro-sweats pucely.
I have recently started sleeping in our fireplace.
Now I sleep like a log.
Mary had a little lamb, and two nurses in the delivery room passed out.
Saw a sign on the train saying "Please give this seat to an elderly person".
So I unscrewed it and took it to my grandma's house.
Do you know where dragon milk comes from?
From a cow with short legs.
I’m bad at small talk. I just asked the lady cutting my hair what she did for a living.
Do proctologists get paid an anal salary?
I had to give up tap dancing.
I kept falling off the sink.
Monday….Greg, Tuesday…Ian, Wednesday….Greg….. Thursday…..Ian, Friday Greg, Saturday… Ian, Sunday…..Greg…… me using the Gregorian Calendar
****Breaking News*****
The inventor of the grenade boomerang has just died.