Fair warning:
The Worst Jokes on the Internet may cause an uncontrollable urge to both laugh and cringe simultaneously. Viewer discretion is advised, and a strong sense of humor is recommended. Let the terrible laughter begin!
Weird never felt so funny.
- Updated:
2024-09-18.
This collection of jokes that are so bad, they're good (or maybe just bad).
Where do you find giant snails? On the ends of a giant's fingers.
I lost my job as a scuba diver. The company has gone under.
Don't dance in Greece!!
I did once and kept slipping over!!
I sit down so much, I understand.
A fish net is nothing more than a lot of little holes tied together.
Why don't you take a hoe to a hotel? 'Cause the hoe tell everybody!
What works faster than a calculator?
A calcu-sooner!
My boss said to date the cans of food. I tried to but they only like me as a friend.
Guess who I saw today!
Everyone I looked at!
A friend has a talking biscuit but I can never understand it. That’s the way the cookie mumbles.
Brace yourself for a rollercoaster ride of cringe-worthy fun.
I think that thinking about thoughts of thinking are too thinkable for thoughts to be thought about thinking... I think.
I called the newspaper to place an a ad,
But I couldn't tell the lady about it
because it was classified .
I have been telling English jokes all my life, here is one in spanish.
Uno.
I saw a guy with 3 eyes, 1 leg and no arms hitchhiking.
I felt sorry for him and pulled up besides him and said " Eye eye eye, hop in you look armless.
Whats the difference between illegal and unlawful??
Ones an act against the law and the other is a sick bird!
I heard that stop signs were supposed to be square, but the transportation department decided to cut corners... 🛑
An idiot was standing on the pavement watching a funeral procession when a passerby asked, “Do you know whose funeral it is?”
The idiot replied, “I can’t say for sure. But I think it’s that guy’s in the coffin.”
Had to quit my construction job today I had to admit that I'm not strong enough to do the work anymore.So I gave them my Too Weak Notice.
Why don't penguins fly? They are not tall enough to be pilots.
Life Pro Tip:
Don't ever put ducks in a cement mixer…
You'll get quacks in the pavement!
How many apples grow on a tree?
All of them.
How do you think the unthinkable?
Withe an itheberg!
I saw a sign that said falling rocks, so I tried and it doesn’t.
If there's one thing that makes me throw up, it's a dartboard on a ceiling.
If you see someone wearing camouflage, make sure to walk right into them so they know it's working.
I bought a vacuum at a sex shop- it fuckin sucks!
I just read that a radical section of the woodworker's union
has broken away and formed a splinter group.
I am having generation Gap with my own generation.
I bought this book called
'100 things to do before you die'
I got to 99 and thought I'd better stop reading this now.
Tonight I’m gonna have possum soup made from Himalayan possum...
Because I found Himalayan on the road.
It's a fact that 100% of people who drink water will eventually die.
Why does the Norwegian Navy have barcodes on the side their ships...so when they return to port they can scandinavian!
Did you hear about the butcher who backed into his meat slicer? He got a little behind in his work
This bloke just came up to me and said..
"Hello There"
I said
"I'm not There I'm Here".🤔
I accidentally called the fire department so i set my house on fire so i wouldn't look stupid.
The German word for bra is ...
stoppemfrumfloppen.
A bitch is a dog. A dog barks. Bark is on a tree. A tree is part of nature. Nature is beautiful. So ladies, next time someone calls you a bitch, thank them for the compliment.
Census Taker: "How many children do you have?"
Woman: "Four."
Census Taker: "May I have their names, please?"
Woman: "Eenee, Meenee, Minee and George."
Census Taker: "Okay, that's fine. But may I ask why you named your fourth child George?"
Woman: "Because we didn't want any Moe."
My friend called me
Him: what has a small dick and hangs down?
Me: I don't know
Him: bat, what has a big dick and hangs up?
And then he hung up the phone
I still don't understand
If sex is such a natural phenomenon, how come there are so many books on how to do it ?
Shouldn’t Hurricane Marco be followed by Hurricane Polo?
Can fat people go skinny dipping?
What’s something you couldn’t find on the Internet ?
She cried and I cried, so together we crew.
I like to imagine that the person who created the umbrella wanted to call it brella.
But they hesitated
Got my DNA test back today. Apparently I'm cock Asian. Not sure if that's the right spelling tho.
I wrote a song with a pun in it. I hope you enjoy it.
"You are right where I left you"
I've just released my own fragrance.
The people sitting near me on the bus didn't appreciate it.
What were barn owls called before barns were invented...?
I've just written a book called 'My Permanently Exposed Penis'. It's out now.