Italian Jokes: With A Taste of Pizza and Gelato.

As an Italian, I am often confused when people have trouble addressing my dwarf father.
I mean, it's a little apparent.

Do you know that I went to Italy to study the history of it's ancient ruins? Yeah, I just Romed around!!

Just got a tattoo of Italy on my chest now I have sore Naples.

The Italian government has cancelled the town of Ferno’s annual fiesta.
This year there’ll be no disco in ferno.

Did you know that Jesus was with the Italian Mafia?
It’s true! His dad was the Godfather.

An Italian man is kidnapped by the mafia, who want him to tell them where his company’s money is hidden. They put him in a chair at gunpoint and demand the location, but he won’t tell them a single word.

After a while, the mafia members decide that he isn’t going to be of any use to them, so they kill him.

At the gates of heaven, god asks the Italian why he didn’t just give them the information they needed, and that he probably would still be alive if he had.

The Italian responds, “How could I? Those rascals had tied up my hands!”

My aeronautical engineer Italian cousin spoke only plane English.

Are you Italian because I want a pizza that ass ?
- Italian pick up line.

What did they call autumn in Italy around 395 A.D.?
Fall of the Roman Empire.

How do you say suppository in Italian?

Innuendo

How do you make an Italian wine? Insult her cooking.

Where does poor Italians live? In the spaghetto.

Fossil records show that elephants once roamed the Italian peninsula.
Most of them lived in Tuskany.

I am sad to announce that the famous Italian chef " Pasta la Vista" has... pasta way.

What is a bigamist? A foggy day in Italy.

What do you call a rough Italian neighbourhood?

Spaghetto.

Do Italians walk?
Or they just Rome?

What do you call an Italian who's won the lottery, and wants to keep it quiet?
Donatella Nobody 😂

What's a specimen?

An Italian astronaut.

Italian Altar Boy Confession
'Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl.'
The priest asks, 'Is that you, little Dominic Savino?'
'Yes, Father, it is.'
'And who was the girl you were with?'
'I can't tell you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation.'
"Well, Dominic, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?'
'I cannot say.'
'Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?'
'I'll never tell. '
'Was it Nina Capelli?'
'I'm sorry, but I cannot name her.'
'Was it Cathy Piriano?'
'My lips are sealed.'
'Was it Rosa DiAngelo, then?'
'Please, Father, I cannot tell you.'
The priest sighs in frustration. 'You're very tight lipped, and I admire that. But you've sinned and have to atone. You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself.'
Dominic walks back to his pew, and his friend Franco slides over and whispers, 'What'd you get?'
'Four months vacation and five good leads.' 😁

Do you know what is wrong with an Italian that has one arm shorter than the other? He has a speech impediment. 😛

What do the Mafia and pussies have in common?
One slip of the tongue, and you’re in deep shit.

A bus stops and 2 Italian men get on.
They sit down and engage in an animated conversation.
The lady sitting next to them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of them
say the following:
"Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come
together. I come once-a-more. Two asses, they come together again. I
come
again and pee twice. Then I come one lasta time.
"You foul-mouthed sex obsessed swine," retorted the lady indignantly.
In this country we don't speak aloud in public places about our sex
lives, "
"Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who talkin' abouta sex? I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spell *'Mississippi'."