Hilarious jokes about MAFIA that will make your day !

Random mafia joke:


Did you know that Jesus was with the Italian Mafia?
It’s true! His dad was the Godfather.

Mafia Jokes meme.
Mafia Jokes meme.

Weird never felt so funny.
- Updated: 2024-07-20.




Selected mafia jokes:


Mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper, Guido, has cheated him out of $10,000,000. His bookkeeper is deaf. That was the reason he got the job in the first place. It was assumed that Guido would hear nothing so he would never have to testify in court. When the Godfather goes to confront Guido about his missing $10 million, he takes along his lawyer who knows sign language.

The Godfather tells the lawyer, "Ask him where the money is!"

The lawyer, using sign language, asks Guido, Where's the money?

Guido signs back, "I don't know what you are talking about."

The lawyer tells the Godfather, "He says he doesn't know what you're talking about."

The Godfather pulls out a pistol, puts it to Guido's head and says, "Ask him again or I'll kill him!"

The lawyer signs to Guido, "He'll kill you if you don't tell him."

Guido trembles and signs, "OK! You win! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed at my cousin Bruno's house."

The Godfather asks the lawyer, "What did he say?"

The lawyer replies, "He says you don't have the guts to pull the trigger!"


If the Mafia took over the Paparazzi it would be a flash mob.


What activity does the owl mafia participate in?
Drive by hootings.


I met the Godfather of the Scottish mafia earlier...
He made me an offer I couldn’t understand.



More mafia jokes...


The government is a huge Mafia that launders your tax money right back to themselves through foreign aid and endless wars.


What's similar between The Mafia and a Pussy..?
...I haven't been in either.


Why are Mafia members so good at sex?
Because they've always got a stiff in the trunk.


What do you call a mafia boss' key?
A don-key.


Why do politicians, bankers and mafia bosses like to play golf?
Because you can play that in handcuffs too.


Why doesn't the mafia like elephants?
Bodies don't fit in the trunk.


What activity does the owl mafia participate in?
Drive by hootings.


Q: How does the Prague mafia mark its territory?
A: With a Czech mark.


If the Mafia took over the Paparazzi it would be a flash mob.


Most countries have mafia.
In Soviet Russia, mafia have country.


I met the Godfather of the Scottish mafia earlier...
He made me an offer I couldn’t understand.


Did you hear about the mafia Don with memory problems?
He kept making people offers he couldn't remember.


Did you know that Jesus was with the Italian Mafia?
It’s true! His dad was the Godfather.


Just heard that the mafia hired a mime to do their dity work.
You ask why.
Because they don't say a word when questioned.


Whats the difference between the mafia and an acting troupe?
When the Mafia says break a leg, they mean someone elses.


What's the difference between the Mafia and the Government.
One of them is organised.


Harry Potter could make a great mafia boss.
He always catches the snitch.


The French mafia threw me in a truck full of bread. I thought it would soften the drop,
but all I feel is pain.


What do you get when you cross an economist with a Mafia godfather?
An offer you can’t understand.


Mafia have boiled a man to death in a industrial pasta cooker.
Police are still trying to al dentefy the victim.


Organised Religion and Mafias have a lot in common...
Both have their respective clubhouses and neither pay taxes.


The Feds have just raided a tennis club used as a front for a large Mafia organisation.
No doubt they'll be charged with racquet-eering.


I wanted to join the Yakuza, but I got it mixed it up with “Jacuzzi”.
Now I’m in hot water with the Japanese Mafia.


What does the mafia and pussies have in common?
One slip of the tongue and you're in deep shit.


An Italian man is kidnapped by the mafia, who want him to tell them where his company’s money is hidden. They put him in a chair at gunpoint and demand the location, but he won’t tell them a single word.

After a while, the mafia members decide that he isn’t going to be of any use to them, so they kill him.

At the gates of heaven, god asks the Italian why he didn’t just give them the information they needed, and that he probably would still be alive if he had.

The Italian responds, “How could I? Those rascals had tied up my hands!”


Two Mafia hit-men are walking deep into a forest in the middle of the night.
One of them says: "I gotta admit I'm scared out here."
The other replies: "You're scared... I gotta walk back alone!"


What does the pussy and mafia have in common?
it's a lot more fun if you're on the inside .


The economy is so bad that the Mafia is starting to lay off judges.


Mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper, Guido, has cheated him out of $10,000,000. His bookkeeper is deaf. That was the reason he got the job in the first place. It was assumed that Guido would hear nothing so he would never have to testify in court. When the Godfather goes to confront Guido about his missing $10 million, he takes along his lawyer who knows sign language.

The Godfather tells the lawyer, "Ask him where the money is!"

The lawyer, using sign language, asks Guido, Where's the money?

Guido signs back, "I don't know what you are talking about."

The lawyer tells the Godfather, "He says he doesn't know what you're talking about."

The Godfather pulls out a pistol, puts it to Guido's head and says, "Ask him again or I'll kill him!"

The lawyer signs to Guido, "He'll kill you if you don't tell him."

Guido trembles and signs, "OK! You win! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed at my cousin Bruno's house."

The Godfather asks the lawyer, "What did he say?"

The lawyer replies, "He says you don't have the guts to pull the trigger!"


Q: What do the Mafia and a pussy have in common?
A: One slip of the tongue, and you're in deep shit.


Q:What do vaginas and the mafia have in common?
A:One slip of the tongue and you're in deep shit.


Q: What do the Mafia and a pussy have in common?
A: One slip of the tongue, and you're in deep shit.


What do the Mafia and pussies have in common?
One slip of the tongue, and you’re in deep shit.




More mafia jokes on the following pages...


SEE also - PEOPLE, folks & countries Jokes - funny people all around the world:

Remember, laughter knows no boundaries. It connects us all - people, folks, and countries alike. Get ready to chuckle, giggle, and burst into fits of laughter as we dive into a hilarious world of jokes that knows no boundaries, we'll bring you rib-tickling jokes from all corners of the globe. Stay tuned as we unleash a wave of hilarity that will have people from all walks of life laughing together.