Hilarious jokes about PIRATES that will make your day !

Why can’t a pirate go to a orgy?
Because he wants all the booty for himself.

What the difference between a pirate and a cranberry farmer?

One buries his treasure, and the other treasures his berries!

A pirate awkwardly stumbles into a bar.
Bartender: What's wrong?

Pirate: Aye, a scallywag shoved me boat's steering wheel down me pants and it's stuck there in me crotch!

Bartender: That sounds painful.

Pirate: Aye, it's a driving me nuts.

What’s a pirate and a pimp’s worst nightmare?
Sunken chest, and no booty.

What did the pirate get on his report card?

Seven Cs.

My ex gf is a pirates worst nightmare !

A sunken chest with no booty .........

Why can’t a pirate go to a orgy?
Because he wants all the booty for himself.

What’s the difference between a casual dress party and an orgy with pirates?
One, you come as you are, and the other, you “arrr” as you cum!

My friends and I are starting a disco group.

We’ll dress as a Viking, a Mongol, a Caribbean pirate, a Bedouin raider, and a Spanish conquistador.

We call ourselves: The Pillage People.

What does a pirate call renting cheap accomodation?
Arr'Bnb.

FUN Fact:
Pirates wore eye patches to have one eye adjusted for the top deck and the other already adjusted for the darkness when going below deck.

I asked a pirate what makes him the angriest?

he said when someone steals his p...

I found a pirate ship really cheap!
it was on sail!

How did the pirate quit smoking?
He used the patch.

What the difference between a pirate and a cranberry farmer?

One buries his treasure, and the other treasures his berries!

Q: What do you get when you cross a pirate with a pedophile?
A: Arrrrrr Kelly.

The pirate ship crewed by cats would have been more successful...
but ther was a mewtiny.

What do pirates use to decorate their ship for Christmas?
Garrr-land.

A pirate swaggers into a bar with a ship's wheel sticking out of his pants. One of the bar's patrons walked up to him and said "Pardon me, is that a ship's wheel?" The pirate replied, "Arrgh, it's drivin' me nuts."

How much do pirates pay for piercings?
Just a buck an ear.

What's a pirate's favorite letter?

P.
It's like R, but missing a leg.

Liars tend not make eye contact, which is why I don't trust pirates half the time.

How do you train to be a pirate?
You have to attend a semin-arrrgh.

I wonder if Somalis ever listen to Pirate Radio?

Did you hear about the pirate that got upset every time his ship floated away...
...he had to take anchor management classes!

What do you call a pirate with two eyes and two legs?
A rookie!

What did the pirate say when he turned 80?
Aye matey.

What did the pirate captain say when he caught his first mate hiding a rooster in his treasure chest?
**Get yer cock out of me booty!**

What is a necrophiliac pirate's favorite hobby?
Diggin' for booty.

What’s a pirate and a pimp’s worst nightmare?
Sunken chest, and no booty.

Why can’t a pirate go to a orgy?
Because he wants all the booty for himself.

A pirate awkwardly stumbles into a bar.
Bartender: What's wrong?

Pirate: Aye, a scallywag shoved me boat's steering wheel down me pants and it's stuck there in me crotch!

Bartender: That sounds painful.

Pirate: Aye, it's a driving me nuts.

Why does the Pirates of The Caribbean DVD have a piracy warning?

Fun Fact!
Did you know that 3.14%
of all sailors are pirates?

When I was single I always felt like a pirate.
I'd start by looking for wenches with a good chest, but always ended up distracted by their booty.

How does a pirate greet his ex wife?
Ahore.

What’s a Pirate’s favourite letter?
If you thought R you’d be wrong. Everyone knows a true pirates first love is always the C.

Q: What does Abraham Lincoln have in common with a poor quality pirated movie?
A: They were both shot in a theater.

Why was the pirate so good at boxing?...
He had a vicious right hook!

Q: Why do pirates have a hard time remembering the alphabet?
A: Because they always get lost at C!

I watched a pirate copy of Bohemian Rhapsody. I think it was filmed in the cinema.
I saw a little silhouetto of a man.

A man with a bald head and a wooden leg is invited to a Xmas fancy dress party.
He doesn't know what to wear to hide his head and his wooden leg, so he writes to a fancy dress company to explain his problem.
A few days later he receives a parcel with a note: Dear Sir,Please find enclosed a Pirate's outfit. The spotted handkerchief will cover your bald head and with your wooden leg you will be just right as a Pirate.
The man is offended that the outfit emphasizes his disability, so he writes a letter of complaint.
A week passes and he receives another parcel and note Dear Sir,Sorry about the previous parcel. Please find enclosed a monk's habit. The long robe will cover your wooden leg and with your bald head you will really look the part.
The man is incandescent with rage now because the company has gone from emphasizing his wooden leg to drawing attention to his bald head. So he writes a really strong letter of complaint.
A few days later he gets a very small parcel from the company with the accompanying letter: Dear Sir,Please find enclosed a tin of Golden Syrup.We suggest you pour the tin of Golden Syrup over your bald head, let it harden, then stick your wooden leg up your arse and go as a toffee apple.

Q: Why is a woman with no breasts a pirate's delight?
A: Because she has a sunken chest. 🏴‍☠️🦜

How did the pirate get the flag at such a low price ?

He got it on sail.

Did you hear about the pirate that quit smoking... he used the patch.