Canadian Jokes: Spreading Joy and Laughter Across the Maple Leaf Land

Do Canadians live longer, or does it just seem that way because of metric years?

Canadians are nicer because they're closer to Santa.

What do Canadians call a wet pussy?
An eager beaver.

Q: What is the opposite of Canada?
A: CAN'T-ada!!!!

Tha average Canadian man has sex 2-3 times a week whereas the average Japanese man has sex 2-3 times a year, which is pretty alarming because i didn't even know i was Japanese.

The government of Canada is forming a council to determine the merits of decriminalization of all drugs.
It will be a High Council.

In Canada, street racing is just people competing to see who can dig their car out of the snow first.

What do you call a troublesome Canadian high schooler? A poutine.

If someone knocks on your door this Halloween dressed up as a mustard jar waving a Canadian flag, say Hi to Celine Dijon!!

- I needed sheep for my farm in Canada, and got tricked into buying what I was told were female sheep, but were actually rams.
- Ewe con?
- No, Vancouver.

When a friend told me that the Prime Minister of Canada got re-elected, I thought he was lying…
It’s Trudeau.

An old couple returning from florida cross the border.
The customs agent ask the man "did you buy anything while in the US. the man answers no.
the man's wife asks her husband "what did he say?".
the man tells his wife "the agent wants to know if we bought anything".
the customs agent asks the man where he is from.
the man answers "toronto"
. the man's wife says "what did he say?"
the man tells his wife "he wanted to know where we were from
. the agent says to the man " i was in toronto once, i had the worst sex ever in my life in toronto."
the man's wife says "what did he say?"
the husband tells his wife "he thinks he knows you dear."

What does Canada do with all their hardened and dangerous criminals?
They give them hockey jerseys and call them our National Hockey Team.

A Scotsman was visiting Canada on holiday. As he checked in at the hotel, he noticed a huge head on a plaque above the reception desk.
He said to the clerk, “What on earth is that?” She answered, “It’s a moose”. The Scotsman raised his eyebrows and muttered, “Auch mon, I can’t wait to see the size of your cats”.

Today's top fact: 50% of Canada is A.

What dinosaur lived in Canada?
'Toronto-saurus'

Why do Canadians have such great hair?

Because they have a ton of moose.

Two Canadians talking:-
"Say, what would you do if a bear started attacking your wife?"
"Why would I do anything - he started it, let him defend himself!"

I just passed my Canadian citizenship test!
I got an eh +

Q: Who would win in a fight between Celine Dion and Shania Twain?
A: We all would!

Q: What do you call a sophisticated American?
A: Canadian.