Our top-rated army jokes are the perfect way to break the ice or lighten the mood. Whether you're a veteran or new recruit, these jokes are sure to please.
Take a break from your day and enjoy some military humor!
Weird never felt so funny.
- Updated:
2024-09-15.
Selected ARMY jokes:
Q: Why is being in the military like a blow-job?
A. The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel.
What do you call a mall security guard with a military background?
A Navy Wet Seal.
Confucius say, sex is like the army, the closer you are to discharge, the better you feel.
What do you call a military man's premature ejaculation?
A dishonorable discharge.
More ARMY jokes...
Who was the biggest joker in George Washington’s army?
Laugh-ayette.
When the Army barracks bathroom is in use, it's usually by the loo tenant.
A soldier ran up to a nun. Out of breath he asked, 'Please, may I hide under your skirt. I'll explain later.'
The nun agreed. A moment later two Military Police ran up and asked, Sister, have you seen a soldier?'
The nun replied, 'He went that way.'
After the MP's ran off, the soldier crawled out from under her skirt and said, 'I can't thank you enough Sister. You see, I don't want to go to Iraq ....'
The nun said, 'I understand completely.'
The soldier added, 'I hope I'm not rude, but you have a great pair of legs!'
The nun replied, 'If you had looked a little higher, you would have seen a great pair of balls....I don't want to go to Iraq either !!