Our top-rated army jokes are the perfect way to break the ice or lighten the mood. Whether you're a veteran or new recruit, these jokes are sure to please.
Take a break from your day and enjoy some military humor!
Weird never felt so funny. - Updated: 2026-03-05.
Selected ARMY jokes:
How is being in the military like getting a blowjob?
The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel.
The U2 spy plane took many pictures during its military career.
But it still hasn’t found what it’s looking for.
I’ve decided to make an elite army of babies.
I’ll call them The Infantry.
I'm not an organ donor,
But I once have an old piano to the Salvation Army.
More ARMY jokes...
Who was the biggest joker in George Washington’s army?
Laugh-ayette.
When the Army barracks bathroom is in use, it's usually by the loo tenant.
A soldier ran up to a nun. Out of breath he asked, 'Please, may I hide under your skirt. I'll explain later.'
The nun agreed. A moment later two Military Police ran up and asked, Sister, have you seen a soldier?'
The nun replied, 'He went that way.'
After the MP's ran off, the soldier crawled out from under her skirt and said, 'I can't thank you enough Sister. You see, I don't want to go to Iraq ....'
The nun said, 'I understand completely.'
The soldier added, 'I hope I'm not rude, but you have a great pair of legs!'
The nun replied, 'If you had looked a little higher, you would have seen a great pair of balls....I don't want to go to Iraq either !!