Our top-rated army jokes are the perfect way to break the ice or lighten the mood. Whether you're a veteran or new recruit, these jokes are sure to please.
Take a break from your day and enjoy some military humor!
Weird never felt so funny.
- Updated:
2025-04-01.
Selected ARMY jokes:
I live in a mad house run by a tiny army that I made myself.
A military truck hit a mining truck and there were a few miners with major injuries and several majors with minor injuries!
Is it true that in the army all Colonels eventually get promoted, or is that a generalization?
Vance's Rule of 2 1/2: Any military project will take twice as long as planned, cost twice as much, and produce only half of what is wanted.
More ARMY jokes...
Who was the biggest joker in George Washington’s army?
Laugh-ayette.
When the Army barracks bathroom is in use, it's usually by the loo tenant.
A soldier ran up to a nun. Out of breath he asked, 'Please, may I hide under your skirt. I'll explain later.'
The nun agreed. A moment later two Military Police ran up and asked, Sister, have you seen a soldier?'
The nun replied, 'He went that way.'
After the MP's ran off, the soldier crawled out from under her skirt and said, 'I can't thank you enough Sister. You see, I don't want to go to Iraq ....'
The nun said, 'I understand completely.'
The soldier added, 'I hope I'm not rude, but you have a great pair of legs!'
The nun replied, 'If you had looked a little higher, you would have seen a great pair of balls....I don't want to go to Iraq either !!