Jokes About Hate - Turn Negativity into Laughter and Fun!

I visited my friend at his new house. He told me to make myself at home. So I threw him out. I hate having visitors. 😁

I hate it when I mean to buy seedless grapes but instead I accidentally get doughnuts.

I hate sex in the movies. Tried it once. The seat folded up, the drink spilled...

Why does George W Bush hate math so much? Because of the Al Gore ithms.

I hate it when people upload song lyrics as their status, it reminds me of somebody I used to know.

I hate explaining my own jokes. Mostly because I don't get them either.

Love is like hearing your favorite song for the first time. Then listening to it over and over again till you hate that song.

I hate long distance relationships. That's why I moved the fridge into my bedroom.

I hate it when people don't know the difference between Ur and U'r.

“No one is more hated than he who speaks the truth.”
― Plato

When you’re a kid, you hate those moments when there is absolutely nothing to do.
As an adult, you live for them.

I may hate waiting but I love procastinating.

I hate visiting the stables with my wife.
All it is is nag, nag, nag.

I hate when a couple argues in public, and I missed the beginning. I don't know whose side I am on.

Cop 1: This murder seems racially motivated.
Cop 2: Hate crime?
Cop 1: Of course I hate crime. That’s why I became a cop.

Wife: "You hate my relatives!"
Husband: "No, I don’t!, in fact, I like your mother-in-law more than I like mine."

Getting a divorce is like getting fired from a job you’ve hated for years.

"Do you ever think of me?"
"Yes, but I hate to tell you what."

I'm sorry we fought.

I hate it when you're wrong.

I really, really hate it when people repeat a word for emphasis.

What should you do to a person that hates puns?
You must fucking punish them.

Why do trees hate test?
The questions stump them!

I’m a mathematician but I hate negative numbers.

I’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.

You: "I hate oyings."
Me: "What is an oying?"
You: "Your jokes"

What game does an emo hate the most?

Cut the Rope.

I hate when people post lyrics from songs, but I will survive.

Don’t you hate it when someone answers their own questions? I do!!

Don't you just hate it when people forget what they're meant to say at weddings?
I know I do.

I used to hate time travel when I was older.

Future you probably hates you.

What veggies do sailors hate most?
Leeks!

Don't you hate it when the doctor's checking your prostate, and you realise both his hands are on your shoulders ?

Don’t you hate it when someone answers their own questions?

I know I do.

I absolutely HATE Underaged Drinking!!!
A good Scotch should be at least 20 years old!!!

I hate it when people say age is only a number.
Age is clearly a word!

I am so fed up with people, at times i hate being a cannibal.

I hate it when I gain 20 pounds for a role and then realize I'm not an actor.

I hate getting my picture taken.

Especially in front of a height chart at the police station.

You know what I hate?

People who answer their own questions.

I hate shower sex.
It's slippery, awkward, and one of the worst things about prison.

I hate it when I gain 15 pounds for a role, only to realize I'm not even an actor.

Doctor said: "Come over here to the window and put your tongue out please".
I said: "Why, is the light better over there?"
He said: "No, I just hate the man in the office block opposite".

I don’t hate leg day at the gym.
It’s the two days after I can’t stand!

My wife hated my impulse purchase of an expensive revolving chair, but then she sat on it.

Eventually she came around.

her: I hate to lose

me: really? that’s my favourite French city

I wish Oxford and Cambridge would settle their differences.
I do hate to see them rowing.

The only thing I hate worse than holding a girl's purse is when it doesn't match what I'm wearing.

Two things which everyone hates :
1. change
2. the way things are.

People who say "I hate to bother you" need to learn to hate it a little bit more.

Some days I feel like running away. Then I remember how much I hate running.

I hate people who use the same word twice in a sentence!...
Enough is enough!

I hate how funerals are always at 9am.

I'm not really a mourning person.

I hate it when I see an old person and then realise we were at the same school together.

I hate telling friends that I’m a taxidermist. When they ask, “What do you do all day ?” I say you know, stuff !