Hilarious jokes about BABYSITTERs that will make your day !

How did the babysitter lose 500 kids and keep her job?
She swallowed.

"Mommy, can we humans suck the light?"
"Of course not, silly!"
"Then why daddy told my babysitter yesterday: "Turn the light off and suck it"?"

When i was little i wanted to be a babysitter
but then i got a baby sister.

I read an article that said to cheer up as adults, we should embrace things we loved as kids.
So, when I am sad I hide in the shower and try to watch the babysitter pee.

I read an article that said to cheer up as adults, we should embrace things we loved as kids.
So, when I am sad I hide in the shower and try to watch the babysitter pee.

Back in Soviet Russia, little Misha is being read to by his babysitter. She reads: 'In the USSR, kindegardens are filled with wonderful toys.'
Misha listens with bright eyes.
'In the USSR, every child has a brand new bicycle.'
Little Misha opens his eyes even wider.
'In the USSR, every child drinks hot cocoa for breakfast.'
Little Misha starts crying his eyes out, bawling:
'I want to go to the USSR!'

What's the difference between a man and a child?
The child can be left alone with the babysitter.

"Mommy, can we humans suck the light?"
"Of course not, silly!"
"Then why daddy told my babysitter yesterday: "Turn the light off and suck it"?"

A young boy is bathing with his mother
Boy says, “Whats that hairy thing mom?”
Mom replies, “That is my sponge.”
“Oh yes,” says the boy, “The babysitters got one, I’ve seen her washing dads face with it.”

Fun idea:
Not got kids? Hire a babysitter anyway, say kid is asleep upstairs and not to be woken. On your return ask where your child is.

From this babysitter website , I selected this gorgeous 19 yr old Swedish exchange student who has an amazing rack to watch over my kid tonight .
Does anyone have a baby or a toddler to spare for a few hours ?

Looking for a flexible babysitter.
My girlfriend only does missionary.

How did the babysitter lose 500 kids and keep her job?
She swallowed.

I used to enjoy cuddling with the babysitter when she put me to bed, but meanwhile it feels a bit weird.
Especially when my wife is not yet asleep.

You can't even be a babysitter these days without someone getting offended.
And calling you a "home intruder".

What's the difference between a lightbulb and a pregnant babysitter?
Can’t unscrew the babysitter.

The babysitter didn't realize I was secretly taping her until I put the last piece over her mouth.

I asked my babysitter from 15 years ago if she remembered how hard it was to get me in bed.
I told her it that it would be much easyier now.

A man tells his friends that his 5 year old son is a douche because he made the babysitter pregnant!
Ask how?
He punctured all my сondoms with a pin.

When i was little i wanted to be a babysitter
but then i got a baby sister.

If the babysitter is present when your child takes their first steps...
...they are automatically promoted to babystander.

My wife and I were leaving for our night out.
Our babysitter smiled and said, 'Take as long as you like.'

That was three years ago. I hope she likes being a parent.

You can't buy happiness, but you can pay a babysitter which is essentially the same thing.

Did you hear about the thief that preferred robbing criminals and babysitters?
He cleaned out every crook and nanny.

My sister told me I was not allowed to babysit anymore.

Apparently the baby monitor is not supposed to be duct-taped to the baby's ankle.

Boy in the bath with his mum.
Boy says, “Whats that hairy thing mum?”
Mum replies, “That is my sponge.”
“Oh yes,” says the boy, “The babysitters got one, I’ve seen her washing dads face with it.”