Hilarious students, college and teachers jokes !

- How many college students does it take to screw in a light bulb ?
- Will this be on the test ?

My friend would always cheat for exams by memorising any potential answer…

Teacher: "What does your dad do for s living?"
Student: "He is a magician."
Teacher: "What is his favourite trick?"
Student: "He cuts people in two."
Teacher: "How many brothers and sisters do you have?"
Student: "Two half brothers and two half sisters."

I thought college was going to be a more serious endeavor, but the professor immediately started talking about some silly bus!!

Why did the teacher wear sunglasses to school? Because her students were so bright!

"If tobacco companies get in trouble for selling products that give people cancer, then universities should get in trouble for selling student debt to students with worthless degrees."

Homework: If it goes too easy, you're doing it wrong.

Education is cheap.

It's university that is expensive.

Writing "etc" on a test because you don't remember any more examples.

u study hard
i hardly study

we are not the same

Public education is like being drunk: it makes you think you know more than what you actually do.

The students won't cheat in exams if they value their learning more than we value their grades.

Those photos of smiling students on the websites of engineering colleges is the biggest scam.

Teacher. "What's the longest sentence you can think of?"
Me. "Life imprisonment. "

Physics teachers act like they’ve met Newton for real.

I went to see my music teacher in his office today. He wasn't there, but I did find a note.

My music teacher refused to help me write the melody for my final class project. He saw I was upset and said that I needed to compose myself.

A teacher asks, "What's the difference between a problem and a challenge?"
A student repsonds, "3 boys + 1 girl = problem. 1 boy + 3 girls = challenge."

Biology Teacher: Sperm has sugar.
Cynthia: No sir, it's tasteless.

The sun didn't have to go to college because it had a million degrees. It just goes to show that the sun was a bright student.

Old professors never die, they just lose their class.

What’s does a Harvard applicant and a Pornhub applicant have in common?
Prentending to be bi for diversity points.

I took a kleptomania exam today.
- It wasn’t mine, but I took it anyway!

Happiness for engineering students? Lecture canceled.

My old English teacher used to fail us just for not using the active voice. He was very passive aggressive.

The Statistics professor's failing students found it difficult to live within his means.

The students in my geography class never seem to remember where São Paulo is.
I have told them a brazillion times.

So I failed my cement mixing exam…
it was too hard.

A Meditation student asked his teacher, "Am I allowed to send you email?"
"Yes," replied the teacher, "But no attachments please."

A Meditation student asks their teacher how long it will take them to gain enlightenment if they practice diligently.
"Ten years," says the teacher.
"Well, how about if I really work and double my effort?"
"Twenty years."

My friend would always cheat for exams by memorising any potential answer…

I thought college was going to be a more serious endeavor, but the professor immediately started talking about some silly bus!!

When I was considering entering Med School, I couldn't decide between Neurology and Proctology. I decided to flip a coin: heads or tails.

I just yelled, ‘F, YOU GUYS!’ at my students.’ I love being a music teacher.

Education doesn't cure stupidity. It often enhances it, by arming with confidence, social status and diploma.

Bit nervous about my maths exam. Think my chances of passing it are 40-40.

I ate my exam paper. Which means that pretty soon I’ll pass the test.

professor: explain the concept of free will

me: do I have a choice?

professor: great job

me: what

If homework goes too easy you are doing it wrong.

I still remember my college days. (All four of them.)

Thank you student loans for getting me through college. I don't think I can ever repay you.

Did you hear about the medical student who double majored in psychiatry and proctology? He wanted to study odds and ends.

During exams, students look up for inspiration, down in desperation, and left and right for information.

Biology Professor says, ''There are 8 sexually transmitted diseases...........
You will get atleast one in the practicals..

A rubber-band gun was confiscated in school because it was a weapon of math disruption.

I saw a student get taken to university by his chauffeur. That's what I love to see. Students who are driven.

When I was at school my teacher asked me what ended in 1945. Apparently 1944 wasn’t the right answer.

I thought the lecture on Tectonic Plates was very moving.

The education system is teaching people to spend money they don't have and earn it later through jobs they might not find.

The education system is teaching people to spend money they don't have and earn it later through jobs they might not find.

Teacher: "What does your dad do for s living?"
Student: "He is a magician."
Teacher: "What is his favourite trick?"
Student: "He cuts people in two."
Teacher: "How many brothers and sisters do you have?"
Student: "Two half brothers and two half sisters."

Nine out of ten students agree that someone got lost on the field trip.

My French teacher, who wasn't very good, is finally leaving!
Adios amigo!

Medical College Professor to a girl student: "Which human body part expands 5 times its normal size..?"
Girl Student: "Sir, I can't answer this question. It's too embarrassing...
Professor asked the same question to a male student.
Male Student: "It's the Pupil of a human eye."
Professor: "Correct."
Then Professor turned to the female and said: "Listen lady, not only your thinking is wrong but your expectations are also very high...
5 times is too much...!!!"