Humor for Plant-Based Enthusiasts.
"I can't believe people think vegans are weak. Have they ever tried opening a jar of pickles without a meat-eater around?"
- Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson
"Vegans have it easy when it comes to food choices. They never have to worry about accidentally eating a celebrity!"
- Ryan Reynolds
Get ready for some veggie-tastic humor with our vegan jokes!
I have no beef with vegetarians.
I have this recurring nightmare where not only am I forced to become vegan, but I'm on a desert island and there's nobody to tell.
I was out on a first date and the lady asked me if I was more of a cat person or a dog person.
I said "I'm a vegetarian."
Vegan food ain't that bad once you add meat and cheese to it.
Follow me for more foodie tips.
Just got asked to leave a Vegan restaurant with a live DJ for requesting Meatloaf.
I am a professional vegetarian. At the end of each month I receive a celery.
I convinced my wife to abandon her veganism by going cold turkey.
Am sorry but going to kfc for a vegan burger is like going to a brothel for meaningful Conversation.
Q: What are turkeys thankful for on Thanksgiving?
A vegan and an introvert walk into a room which one tells you what they are first?
None; the person who hasn't watched "a single episode of Game of Thrones" beat them to it.
Our vegan jokes will have you laughing so hard, you'll forget about bacon...almost!
I can't tell if the vegetarians next door are having sex or are finally eating a steak.
Im a secondhand vegetarian. I eat animals that ate vegetables
that counts right?
Her: is this vegan chicken?
Me: idk, I didn't ask him.
Meatless meatballs are vegetaballs.
If a vegetarian starts eating meat, do they lose their veg-inity?
I never understood why people dislike vegans so much.
I have never had a beef with them.
A vegan said to me people who sell meat are disgusting.
I said people who sell fruit and vegetables are grocer...
I've decided to go vegan. From now on, I'll only eat animals that eat grass.
Can I tell you a vegan joke?
I promise it won’t be cheesy.
Why do vegetable lovers love practicing yoga regularly?
They always want to find their inner peas.
Discover the lighter side of veganism with our hilarious jokes!
I flunked out of vegan culinary school, so I never got my Broccolaureate.
I got up at 5am, ran 5 miles, and then ate a veggie smoothie for breakfast... I don't remember the rest of the nightmare.
I'm making vegetarian roast beef.
I'm not vegetarian, but the cow was.
Dad: Here’s a burger for lunch.
Vegetarian: Oh no, thanks I’m a vegetarian.
Dad: It okay this burger is plant based.
Vegetarian: Really! What plant is it from?
Dad: It originates from the meat packers plant.
There's that moment when you put your steak on the grill, and your mouth waters from that amazing smell. I wonder if vegans feel the same when you mow the grass? 🤔
Just wanna make it clear that "vegan" does not mean "anti-vaxxer". That's a different kind of crazy.
I became a vegetarian recently.
Biggest missed steak of my life.
Ignore the vegans... they are just hungry. :)
I put my dog on a vegan diet...
He’s eaten 3 so far.
I put my dog on a vegan diet...
He’s eaten 3 so far.
Join the veggie revolution and enjoy our side-splitting vegan jokes!
Vegan.....a old world term for a person that can't hunt, fish or make fire.
Vegans believe meat eaters and butchers are gross.
But those who sell you fruits and vegetables are grocer.
- Why did the ghost decide to become a vegan?
- Because it's super natural.
- What is the difference between being a vegan and suffering from the novel coronavirus?
- In the case of COVID-19, the loss of sense of taste is only temporary.
- What is a vegan Viking called?
- A Norvegan.
Veganism is like Communism..
They are both fine, unless you like food.
My son is taking part in a social experiment where he has to wear a t-shirt saying "GO VEGAN" for 2 weeks and see how people react.
So far, he has been punched, spit on and a bottle thrown at him!
I'm curious to see what happens when he goes outside.
- What's the toughest part of being a vegan?
- Apparently keeping it to yourself.
- Do you serve vegetarians here?
- Of course, how would you like them cooked?
A vegetarian has a carrot sticking out of one ear, celery out of the other, and a mushroom up his nose. He goes to the doctor and asks him what's wrong. The doctor tells him, "Well, for one thing, you're not eating right."
Our vegan jokes are the perfect recipe for a good laugh.
I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
I eat meat and I feel bad for the animals, but I mean.. run faster I guess and stop tasting good.
I decided that becoming a vegetarian was a missed steak.
Vegan Mom: Honey, Animals are living breathing things and we can't eat them!
Son: If animals aren't supposed to be eaten, then why are they made out of meat?
Q: What do you call a vegetarian who starts eating meat?
A: Someone who lost their veg-inity!
Q: Why did the vegetarian cross the road?
A: Because she was protesting for the chicken, MAN!
Q: How many vegetarians does it take to eat a cow?
A: One if nobody's looking.
Q: What do you call a Vegetarian with diarrhea?
A: A Salad Shooter.
Q: What is the Native American word for vegetarian?
A: "Poor hunter!"
Q: How many vegans does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. Everybody knows they can't change anything.
Laugh your tofu off with our vegan humor!
Q: What do you call a fascist vegan?
A: Lactose intolerant.
Q: Why are vegans detrimental to the earth?
A: Because they produce immense amounts of methane.
Q: Did you hear about the vegan Zombie?
A: He went to the insane asylum and only ate the vegetables!
Q: Why do gay vegetarians only eat hummus?
A: Because they are hummusexuals?
Q: What did Cher say to the vegan?
A: I Got Tofu babe.
Q: What do yo call a vegan post-punk band?
A: Soy Division.
Q: What do Tofu And Dildos Have In Common?
A: They're Both Meat Substitutes!
Q: What do you call a vegan guy who likes to pleasure himself?
A: A non-dairy creamer.
Q: Why are all lesbians vegetarian?
A: Because they don't eat meat.
Q: Why do vegans give good head?
A: Because they are used to eating nuts.
Vegan jokes: because plants have feelings too!
How many vegans does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to change it and one to check for animal ingredients.
- What does a vegan zombie eat?
I met this woman today who said she recognized me from a vegan group, but I'd never met herbivore.
How can you tell if someone is vegan?
Don't worry. When you offer them meat, they will say 'no thanks', then you can relentlessly ask them questions why, then you can get upset and accuse them of going on about it.
Can I tell you a vegan joke? I promise it won't be cheesy.
"No, thanks. I'm a vegetarian." is a fun thing to say when someone hands you their baby.