French Jokes: A Gateway to Laughter and French Culture.

As they say in France, "Allahu Akbar".

I gave my French girlfriend a pendant with "le monde" carved in.

It means the world to her.

I WRITE ALL MY JOKES IN CAPITALS.

THIS ONE WAS WRITTEN IN PARIS.

I gave my french girlfriend a pendant with "le monde" carved in.

It means the world to her.

French people are so hardcore they eat pain for breakfast.

You know what they call a foot fetish in Paris?
They got the metric system, they wouldn't know what the hell a foot is.

The French have named a mushroom after Muhammad Ali. They think it’s the greatest champignon of all time.

What do you get when you throw a hand grenade in a French kitchen? Linoleum Blownapart.

The best way to see the capital of France is with a Pariscope.

How does a frenchman break up with his girlfriend? With a Dijon letter.

A Frenchman staying at a hotel in England calls room service and asks for some pepper.
"What kind of pepper would you like? Black pepper, white pepper, red pepper?" asks the manager.
He replied "Toilette pepper!"

The French real estate agent was very upset when their new listing was destroyed.
He said it was chateau-strophic!

The French mafia threw me in a truck full of bread. I thought it would soften the drop,
but all I feel is pain.

What do the French call marijuana?

Oui'd

Why do the French take syrup to their weddings?
Because the Best Man always gives a French Toast!

It's only real French bread if it's from France otherwise it's Sham Pain

I once went on a 2 month holiday in the South of France.

It was just Toulon.

'Pardon' is the only French word I know. For that, I can only apologise.

The difference between France’s bacon and Frances Bacon? One comes from belly pork, the other from the belle epoque.

French guy (showing me his yachts):

This is yacht Un. This is yacht Deux. This is yacht Trois. This is yacht Quatre. This is yacht Six.

Me: Wheres the 5th?

French Guy: Cinq.

How does a French skeleton say hello? Bone-jour.

A man with a dog walks into a bar
The bartender asks is that a french poodle?
because its going oui oui all over the place.

Tracking down the French bread thief was quite painstaking.

I was in a French restaurant and said to the waiter “this beef tastes like fish”. He said “that’s because one mans meat is another mans poisson”.

Why did Mr. Hass refuse to move to France?
The French are famous for not pronouncing the letter ‘H’.

What do you call a French guy being mauled by a lion?
Claude.

Our daughter told us that she needed to be treated like a princess... So I married her off to a random stranger to strengthen the alliance with France.

I set up a chain of businesses in Paris...they became frenchised.

I know a guy from Paris who can only count up to 7.
He has a wheat allergy.

The French customs officer confiscated my crate of snails and now I have less cargo.

My friend was very rude when I told him I didn't know what c'est la vie meant.
He said, "That's life."

We have to respect and praise the courage of the French, as they discovered that snails (escargot) are edible! 🐌

To kill a French vampire you must drive a baguette through its heart...
It may sound easy,
but it's *pain'staking*.

Introductions in French....
by Gem Appale

Once upon a time in France, 3 kittens were playing on a frozen pond. Suddenly, the ice broke and un, deux, trois, cat sank!

A group of French executioners were arguing about how they should do the job. One said 'We should chop them off at the ankles'. Another said 'We should chop them off at the knees'. One said 'We should chop them off at the hips'. Another said 'We should chop them off at the waist'. Another said 'We should cut them off at the chest'. But don't worry, it all came to a head eventually.

Warning!!! never buy Jeans in France as they’ll either be Tulong or Toulouse.

I'm afraid of French chefs.
They give me the
crepes.

I met this beautiful woman in France. We hit it off really good. We started dating and Eiffel for her.

Nothing in French starts with an R and ends in an N.

Jump from a bridge in Paris? Are you in Seine?

BREAKING NEWS.

A Frenchman has fallen through the roof of a Bakery in Paris.

An emergency services spokesman said
"He is in a load of pain"!

Why do the French only have one egg for breakfast?
Because un oeuf is un oeuf.

To kill a French vampire you need to drive a baguette through its heart. Sounds easy but the process is painstaking.

La pire position sexuelle c'est quand t'es allongé en dessous et qu'au dessus il n'y a personne...🤷‍♀️🤦‍♀️😂

I asked my French friend if she likes to play video games.
She said, "Wii."

How is a tick and the Eiffel Tower similar?
They’re both Paris sites.

Why do you get served only one egg for breakfast in France?
Because, in France, an egg is un oeuf.

Maman, je peux avoir du chocolat ?
– Il y en a dans le placard, va donc te servir.
– Mais Maman, je peux pas, tu sais bien que je n’ai pas de bras…
– Pas de bras, pas de chocolat !

Toto rentre à la maison après sa première journée à l’école primaire.
La maman :
-- Alors Toto, tu as appris beaucoup de choses aujourd’hui ?
Toto :
-- Pas assez en tout cas, ils veulent que j’y retourne demain.

Toto comes home from his first day of elementary school.