Random farmer joke:
What did the farmer say when he lost one of his cows?
What a miss-steak.
Selected farmer jokes:
What do you get when you cross a farmer and some trendy headphones?
Beets by Dre.
As farmers, we hear a lot of jokes about sheep.
We’d tell them to the dog, but he’d herd them all!
A local farmer has trained his pigs to perform ballet. I’m going to see their production of swine lake.
I took a job as the head of Old McDonald’s farm.
I’m the CIEIO.
More farmer jokes...
Two cows standing next to each other in a field.
Daisy says to Dolly: I was artificially inseminated this morning.
I don't believe you, replies Dolly.
It's true, no bull!
What is the farmers' choice of crypto-currency? Beet-coin.
A local farmer has trained his pigs to perform ballet. I’m going to see their production of swine lake.
I own intelligent farm animals! One's learned to drive a boat! I’d show you, but unfortunately that sheep has already sailed.
There was a farmer who raised his cows to be superheroes. He was legend dairy.
1st Farmer: “My cows never get sick.”
2nd Farmer: “Do you feed them a special diet?”
1st Farmer: “No, they have HERD immunity.”
How do you make a fruit farmer scream?
You pinch his plums.
After an unsuccessful harvest, why did the farmer decide to try a career in music? Because he had a ton of sick beets.
I thought the local farmer was a magician when his tractor turned into a field.
Asked a farmer what an almond looks like when it’s still on the tree. They described it in a nutshell.
How do you remove a farmer from a photograph?
You crop him out.
Q: What do pimps and farmers have in common?
A: They both need a hoe to stay in business.
Why did the farmer plow his field with a steamroller?
He wanted mashed potatoes.
When I lived on a farm, my wireless network was called 'Get Off My LAN'.
Q: Why didn’t the farmer’s son study medicine?
A: Because he wanted to go into a different field.
"One of your bees just stung me & I want you to do something about it."
"Sure, lady, show me which one it was, and I'll punish it!"
I took a job as the head of Old McDonald’s farm.
I’m the CIEIO.
A cop knocked on a farmers door.
Farmer answers.
Cop state's he needs to search paddock behind house.
Farmer tells Cop "that would be unwise."
Cop shows his badge and pushes past.
As he enters paddock a bull comes straight for him.
Cop yells
"What should i do?"
Farmer yells " show him ya badge."
A bloke on a tractor has just driven past me shouting
"The end of the world is Nigh"
it was Farmer Geddon.
Horse ranchers don't make much but it's stable pay.
Have you seen the new film “The Tractor”? It had a very good trailer!
Ive just seen a man on a tractor shouting "Its the end of the world, its the end of the world!"
It was Farmer Geddon.!!!
Did you hear about the cowgirl who got fired because she couldn't keep her calves together ?
Is a farmer that falls off his tractor distracted?
If your children are looking for a career, have them consider farming. There’s good money in that field.
Question: Which farmer is most likely to become a chemist?
👨🌾 Farmer A. 👨🌾 Farmer B.
👨🌾 Farmer C.
A local farmer has trained his pigs to perform ballet. I’m going to see their production of swine lake.
A friend of mine thought that the local farmer was a magician because he heard that he had turned his cows into a field.
How does a farmer find new cows to buy?
He looks through the cattlelog.
The farmer’s wife fills all of his prescriptions, as she’s his farm•Mrs.
How did the chicken farmer get into Guinness World Records?
He has a massive cock.
What do you get when you cross a farmer and some trendy headphones?
Beets by Dre.
Where do farmers send their kids to grow?
Kinder-garden.
What do you call a Nebraskan farmer with a sheep under each arm?
A pimp.
What do you get when you cross a robot and a tractor?
A transfarmer.
Why shouldn't you tell a secret on a farm?
Because the potatoes have eyes and the corn has ears!
As farmers, we hear a lot of jokes about sheep.
We’d tell them to the dog, but he’d herd them all!
What kind of things does a farmer talk about when they are milking cows?
Udder nonsense!
Why didn’t the farmer laugh at any of these jokes?
They were too corny.
Why do farmers love going to the cinema so much?
So they can watch the trailers.
What did the farmer say to the cow when it wouldn’t go to sleep?
It’s pasture bedtime!
Why did the farmer plough her field with a steamroller?
They wanted to grow mashed potatoes!
Did you hear about the farmer who got top marks in his maths exam?
He used a pro-tractor!
What is a pig farmer’s favourite type of karate move?
Pork chops!
Who tells the best farmer jokes?
Comedi-hens!
Where does a farmer get his medicine from?
The farm-acist!
Why did the farmer bury his money in a field?Why did the farmer bury his money in a field?
He wanted to make his soil rich!He wanted to make his soil rich!
What did the farmer say when he lost one of his cows?
What a miss-steak.
Old ranch owner John farmed a small ranch in Montana. The Montana Wage and Hour Department claimed he was not paying proper wages to his workers and sent an agent out to interview him.
“I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them,” demanded the agent.
“Well,” replied old John, “There’s my ranch hand who’s been with me for 3 years. I pay him $600 a week plus free room and board. The cook has been here for 18 months, and I pay her $500 a week plus free room and board. Then there’s the half-wit who works about 18 hours every day and does about 90 percent of all the work around here. He makes about $10 per week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of bourbon every Saturday night.”
“That’s the guy I want to talk to, the half-wit,” says the agent.
“That would be me,” replied old rancher John.
Farmer Giles is so interested in conserving energy, he built a pig-powered car.
He has to get rid of it, though. Every time he turns a corner, the tires squeal.