Best jokes about mother-in-laws !

What do you have when your mother in law is up to her neck in cement?
Not enough cement.

Having to spend time with your mother in law is sort of like using anal beads.
Sometimes it can be surprisingly pleasant, but usually it’s just a pain in the ass.

I discovered my mother in law has weekly sessions with Lucifer himself on how to be even more vicious.
I’ve no idea what kind of fees she’s charging him.

Honey theres a witch at the door what shall I do?

Just give it sweets tell it to go away

My mother-in-law hasnt spoken to me since.

My Mother In Law has been diagnosed with hay fever & diabetes.

So I've bought her flowers & chocolates to cheer her up.

Honey theres a witch at the door what shall I do?

Just give it sweets tell it to go away

My mother-in-law hasnt spoken to me since.

I'd like to keep my mother in law at bay...

Guantanamo to be precise.

The bartender wondered how I got to the bar. I told him it was my mother-in-law.
She’s the one that drives me to drink.

Behind every successful man stands a devoted wife and a surprised mother-in-law.

Wife: "You hate my relatives!"
Husband: "No, I don’t!, in fact, I like your mother-in-law more than I like mine."

My wife told me that when i visit her mother in hospital to take her flowers, i did that but i dont know what to do with these flowers now.

What's the ideal weight of a mother-in-law?
1 to 2 lbs including the urn.

Just been to the in-laws where I let out the loudest fart. The wife shook her head and said " Mark,, how can you do that in front of my mum" " Sorry" I replied " I didnt know it was her turn"

Mixed emotion is seeing your mother-in-law drive over a cliff in your brand new car.

"Where's your mother in law?"
- "She's in the garden."

- "Where? I can't see her."

- "You have to dig a little."

It was extremely difficult to switch off my mother in law’s life support system.
I had to fight the doctor, my wife, and her siblings to finally do it.

The mother in law fell down a wishing well to my amazement.
Damn, I never knew those things worked.

"Dad, what was the name of Adam's mother in law?"
"He didn't have a mother in law, son, because he lived in paradise"

Dear Mother In Law,
Don't teach me how to bring up my children.

I'm living with one of yours and they need a lot of improvement.

Having to spend time with your mother in law is sort of like using anal beads.
Sometimes it can be surprisingly pleasant, but usually it’s just a pain in the ass.

I bought my mother in law a chair for her 50th birthday ..
...but the wife won't let me plug it in.

I took my mother in law out today.
I love being a sniper.

What to do when your mother in law is zigzagging across your backyard?
Shoot again.

She wanted to test whether her sons in law really cared about her or not. So she devised a plan. She invites her first SIL for a run and after reaching a river she purposefully slips into the river's current.
Without any hesitation first SIL jumps into the river and saves her. The very next day he receives a brand new Audi car and $10mn in cash with a note "thanks for saving me-MIL". She now invites second SIL for run and does the same , without hesitation he jumps in and saves her. The next day he receives same model car ,$10mn and note saying "thanks for saving me-MIL". She now invites her final SIL and does the same when she reaches the river but this time the son in law just ignores and walks back to his home. The very next day he receives 2 brand new cars and $20mn in cash with a note "thanks for saving me-FIL".

The man came home after visiting his sick mother in law.

His wife asked how her mother was doing.

The man responded, she is getting released in two days and moving in to our home!

Shocked, the wife says, how’s that possible? When I visited her yesterday, she was in the respirator?

I know, said the husband, I was baffled too, but the doctor said we had to prepare for the worst.

My family was on vacation in Florida when suddenly I heard someone scream that my mother in law fell into the alligator pool. Not thinking twice, I jumped in...
...to save the alligator.

I discovered my mother in law has weekly sessions with Lucifer himself on how to be even more vicious.
I’ve no idea what kind of fees she’s charging him.

My mother in law asked for her birthday ' something for in bath'. Too bad she didn't like my toaster...

As I was picking up my mother in law from the airport, I asked her,
“So, how long do you think you’ll be staying with us?”

She answered, “Well... for as long as you like.”

“Not even for coffee??”

A guy goes on vacation in the Holy Land with his wife and mother-in-law.

The mother-in-law dies.

So the couple goes to an undertaker who explains that they can ship the body home, but it will cost over $5,000, whereas burying her in the Holy Land would cost only $150.

“We’ll ship her home,” says the husband.
The undertaker asks, “Are you sure? That’s an awfully big expense and we can do a very nice burial here.”

The husband says, “Look, 2000 years ago they buried a guy here and three days later he rose from the dead. I just can’t take that chance.”

I live in constant fear that Trump will deport my Latina mother in law.
Who lives at 324 3rd st. Los Angeles. She gets off at 6.

Little Johnny called mother in law a fat cow during the dinner and got slapped upside the head by his father right away. But not hard. As was agreed.

What do you have when your mother in law is up to her neck in cement?
Not enough cement.

I had dinner with my mother in law the other night. Was gonna ask "would you to pass the salt, please".
But instead my tounge twisted and I said "You stupid cow. You've completely ruined my life."

My mother in law said she wanted to die a natural death.
So I've just dropped her off at the jungle.

A few years ago I called my mother in law fat and she still resents me for it.
I should’ve known that an elephant never forgets.

I came across 6 men beating up my mother in law.
My wife asked "aren't you going to help?"

I said no, 6 should be enough.

A husband and wife had a fight.

Wife called her mom: He fought with me again, I am coming to stay with you.

Mom: No dear, he must pay for his mistake. I am coming to stay with you!

MOTHER-IN-LAW: When you rearrange her letters you get: WOMAN HITLER.

Two women came before wise King Solomon, dragging between them a young man. 'This young man agreed to marry my daughter,' said one. 'No! He agreed to marry MY daughter,' said the other. And so they haggled before the King, until he called for silence. 'Bring me my biggest sword,' said Solomon, 'and I shall hew the young man in half. Each of you shall receive a half.' 'Sounds good to me,' said the first lady. But the other woman said, 'Oh Sire, do not spill innocent blood. Let the other woman's daughter marry him.' The wise king did not hesitate a moment. 'This man must marry the first lady's daughter,' he proclaimed. 'But she was willing to hew him in two!' exclaimed the king's court. 'Indeed,' said wise King Solomon. 'That shows she is the true mother-in-law.'

Harry was travelling down a country road in his native Yorkshire, England when he saw a large group of people outside a farmhouse.Favourite mother-in-law joke It was a cold January afternoon, so he stopped and asked Farmer Giles why such a large crowd of men was gathered there. The farmer replied, 'Eddie's donkey kicked his mother-in-law and she died.' 'Well,' replied the man, 'She must have had a lot of friends.' 'Nope,' said Giles.' We all just want to buy his donkey.'

Fred and Rick were in a pub. Fred says to his mate, 'My mother-in-law is an angel.' Rick replies, 'You're lucky. Mine is still alive.'

I took my mother-in-law to Madame Tussaud's chamber of horrors and one of the attendants said, 'Keep her moving sir, we're stocktaking.'

What is the difference between outlaws and in-laws? Outlaws are Wanted.

Adam and Eve were the happiest, and the luckiest, couple in the world, because neither of them had a mother-in-law.

A pharmacist tells a customer, 'In order to buy arsenic you need a legal prescription. A picture of your mother-in-law just isn't enough.'

Do you know the punishment for bigamy? Two Mothers-in-laws.

Behind every successful man stands a devoted wife, and a surprised mother-in-law.