Hilarious jokes about PARENTS that will make your day !

When I was a baby my parents used to bath me in cheap Australian lager. It wasn’t until I was 18 that I realised I’d been fostered.

Local police were called to the park for reports of teenage skateboarders disobeying sidewalk rules. Their boards were confiSKATED pending arrival of their parents.

Tom buys a Harley Davidson. The seller tells him, "Whenever it's going to rain, rub vaseoline on the chrome so it won't rust."
That night, his girlfriend takes him to meet her parents. But just before they go in she says, "I have to tell you, when we eat, we don't talk. In fact, the first person who says anything during dinner, has to do the dishes."
They sit down and no one says a word.
As dinner... goes on, Tom decides to test the situation. So he reaches over and grabs her boob. Nobody says a word. So he stands up, rips her clothes off and screws her right there, in front of her parents. But no one says a word. So he grabs the mum, bends her over the table and nails her, then sits down. But still, silence. All of a sudden there's a loud clap of thunder and it starts to rain. Tom remembers his bike, so he pulls out the vaseoline. The dad jumps up and says, "fuck off, i'll do the dishes."

If you really want to know about mistakes, you should ask your parents.

Einstein got along well with his parents, relatively speaking .

I placed my order at the restaurant and the cashier said, "can I get a name?"
I replied. "Didn't you parents give you one?"

My parents wouldn't let me go to the mucus festival. I told them, "It is snot fair!"

As a child I had ADHD, so my parents sent me to a week long program to help me focus. It was a concentration camp.

What Superpower do you get when you become a parent?
Supervision.

Why can’t orphans play online games ?
Because they don’t have parents to sign them up.

I used to think of my wife’s parents as being like buried treasure.

The police needed a map and a shovel to find them too....

When I was younger my parents sent me to a child psychologist......
That kid didn't help me at all.

My parents raised me as an only child. Which really annoyed my three brothers...

My parents went doggy style when they made me, por eso sali bien perra. )

My father ran the marathon but my mother was a sprinter.
It was hard growing up with mixed-race parents.

We were that poor when we were young, our parents used to dilute water to make it last longer.

My parents took me to the doctor because I was always asking questions. The doctor told them I’d inherited the Why Chromosome.

Q - what did the flame tell his parents when he fell in love?
A - “I’ve found the perfect match!”

As a kid my parents could only afford a second hand calculator which was missing the X button. Times were hard!

Patience is what parents have when there are witnesses.

I bought a 12 year old whisky today.
His parents weren’t very happy!

Sign outside a Scottish cinema,
Free admission for old age pensioners,
If accompanied by both parents.

A girl suggested I set up a double date to make our first time out less awkward.
I really hope my parents like her.

The first time I had sex, it was in my parent’s bedroom. My girlfriend giggled nervously and moaned, “This is a bit awkward.” I grunted...
“Just ignore them!”

If you’re no longer covered by your parents health insurance, your manufacturer’s warranty has expired...

"Birthday sex is just having sex to celebrate your parents having sex".

“Ignorance is the parent of fear.”

– Herman Melville.

Fun game for parents:
Scream in horror the first time your child loses a tooth.

My parents raised me as an only child. Which really annoyed my younger brother.

I don't know who this Rorschach man is, but I wish he would stop drawing pictures of my parents fighting.

My parents told me I was born on the highway.
Aparently that’s where most accidents happen.

i hate lying to my parents
but
it's for their own good.

Local police were called to the park for reports of teenage skateboarders disobeying sidewalk rules. Their boards were confiSKATED pending arrival of their parents.

What's the difference between a monkey, an orphan, a prince, and Bald Bill? A monkey has a hairy parent, an orphan has nary a parent, a prince is an heir apparent, and Bald Bill has no hair apparently.

A Glaswegian lad takes his girlfriend home for the first time and introduces her to his parents.

"This is Amanda."

His dad jumps up and says, "It's a fucking what?"

My wife asked me, “Why don’t you treat me like you did when we were first dating?”
So I took her to dinner and a movie then dropped her off at her parents’ house.

Did you hear about the parents who called their baby 'coffee?' It kept them up all night!

Tom buys a Harley Davidson. The seller tells him, "Whenever it's going to rain, rub vaseoline on the chrome so it won't rust."
That night, his girlfriend takes him to meet her parents. But just before they go in she says, "I have to tell you, when we eat, we don't talk. In fact, the first person who says anything during dinner, has to do the dishes."
They sit down and no one says a word.
As dinner... goes on, Tom decides to test the situation. So he reaches over and grabs her boob. Nobody says a word. So he stands up, rips her clothes off and screws her right there, in front of her parents. But no one says a word. So he grabs the mum, bends her over the table and nails her, then sits down. But still, silence. All of a sudden there's a loud clap of thunder and it starts to rain. Tom remembers his bike, so he pulls out the vaseoline. The dad jumps up and says, "fuck off, i'll do the dishes."

Police: Where do u live Me: With my parents Police: Where your parents live Me: With me Police: Where do you all live Me: Together Police: where is your house Me: Next to my neighbor Police: Where is your neighbor’s house Me: If I tell you, you won’t believe me Police: Tell me Me: Next to my house.

As a child we were so poor, my parents used to take me to the pet shop and tell me it was a zoo.

Study finds millennials are having less sex
Because they are expecting their parents to do it for them.

Millennial milestone: I finally moved out of my parents and moved in with my girlfriend. Her parents were supportive, too...
They even let us bring food upstairs.

Why can't millennials take a joke?
Because the jokes always hit a little too close to their parent's house.

When I was a baby my parents used to bath me in cheap Australian lager. It wasn’t until I was 18 that I realised I’d been fostered.

How many parents does it take to raise a homicidal maniac?
Two, then one, then none.

This should be posted in every school or kid's bedroom. (11) RULES KIDS WILL NOT LEARN IN SCHOOL.
*Rule 1 : Life is not fair - get used to it!
*Rule 2 : The world doesn't care about your self-esteem. The world will expect you to accomplish something BEFORE you feel good about yourself.
*Rule 3 : You will NOT make $60,000 a year right out of high school. You won't be a vice-president with a car phone until you earn both.
*Rule 4 : If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a boss.
... *Rule 5 : Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your Grandparents had a different word for burger flipping - they called it opportunity.
*Rule 6 : If you mess up, it's not your parents' fault, so don't whine about your mistakes, learn from them. *Rule 7 : Before you were born, your parents weren't as boring as they are now. They got that way from paying your bills, cleaning your clothes and listening to you talk about how cool you think you are: So before you save the rain forest from the parasites of your parent's generation, try delousing the closet in your own room.
*Rule 8 : Your school may have done away with winners and losers, but life HASN'T. In some schools, they have abolished failing grades and they'll give you as MANY TIMES as you want to get the right answer. This doesn't bear the slightest resemblance to ANYTHING in real life.
*Rule 9 : Life is not divided into semesters. You don't get summers off and very few employers are interested in helping you FIND YOURSELF -that's for your own time.
*Rule 10 : Television is NOT real life. In real life people actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs. *Rule 11 : Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one! ~Most recent rendition written by Charles J. Sykes... So if you can read this... Thank a Teacher. If you can read this in English... Thank a Soldier! And for life and everything else you have... Thank God & your parents!! Now.... think about this and smile and feel free to repost if you choose!

I finally realised my parents favoured my twin sister when they asked me to blow up balloons for her surprise birthday party.

Mental illness runs in my family. Which is sort of weird, because my parents weren’t very athletic.

Being on social media is like having sex.
It's fun until you know your parents do it too.

INTERVIEWER to job applicant: “Do you think you could come up with any reason you want this job other than your parents want you out of their house?”

I wanted to bring a penguin home but my parents said that wasn't going to fly.

Q: What do you call the child of parents from Iceland and Cuba?
A: An ice cube.

When I was young, I used to eat a lot because my parents told me that fat kids are harder to kidnap.

I wonder what my parents did to fight boredom before the internet. I asked my 17 brothers and sisters and they didn't know either.