Hilarious friendship jokes - about friends, mates, buddies and bros !

A man brings his best buddy home for dinner unannounced at 5:30 after work. His wife begins screaming at him and his friend just sits and listens.
"My hair & makeup are not done; the house is a mess, the dishes are not done, I'm still in my pajamas and I can't be bothered with cooking tonight! What the hell did you bring him home for?"
"Because he's thinking of getting married."

My friend gave birth in her car on the way to the hospital and her husband named the kid Carson.

Do you want a stable friendship?
Get a horse.

A friend of mine wanted a bigger home for his growing family, so he sold his bungalow and bought a house, but that’s another storey.

I told my friend that I had finally retired my aging car. He asked if I'd sold it or scrapped it..
I said nothing that drastic, I just put a new set of Michelins on it.

Once, my mate Dave got kicked out of a hospital. When I asked why, he said
Apparently "Stroke Patients Here" meant something else.

Why can't Stevie Wonder see his friends ?
Because he's married.

Bro, I got good news and bad news.
Just gimme the good news bro.
The air bags in your car worked perfectly.

Good friends don’t let you do stupid things… alone.

Friends are like condoms, they protect you when things get hard.

You don’t have to be crazy to be my friend. I’ll train you.

I don't make friends with people wearing eyepatches.
Friendship has two 'i's.

I loved my pet rock.
Our friendship was solid.

A man brings his best buddy home for dinner unannounced at 5:30 after work. His wife begins screaming at him and his friend just sits and listens.
"My hair & makeup are not done; the house is a mess, the dishes are not done, I'm still in my pajamas and I can't be bothered with cooking tonight! What the hell did you bring him home for?"
"Because he's thinking of getting married."

Friendship is like peeing your pants.
Everyone can see it but only you feel the warmth.

Good romance starts with a good friendship
A bad romance starts with "ra ra ah ah ah. ro, ro ma ma ga ga, ooh la la,"

Do you want a stable friendship?
Get a horse.

Sex ruined our friendship.
I wish my buddy hadn't walked in on me and his wife.

Three friends go to a ski lodge, and there aren't enough rooms, so they have to share a bed. In the middle of the night, the guy on the right wakes up and says, "I had this wild, vivid dream of getting a hand job!" The guy on the left wakes up, and unbelievably, he's had the same dream, too. Then the guy in the middle wakes up and says, "That's funny, I dreamed I was skiing!"

What does the eagle say to his friends before they go out hunting for food? 'Let us prey.'

Why did the Mushroom have lots of friends? Cause he's a fungi!

What's the most unrealistic thing about the Harry Potter books? A ginger with two friends.

Why can't you be friends with a squirrel? They drive everyone nuts.

What did one boob say to the other boob? You're my breast friend.

There is nothing better than a friend …unless it’s a friend with chocolate.

Friends buy you lunch. Best friends eat your lunch.

If you hurt my best friend, I can make your death look like an accident.

I bought my friend a telepathic abacus. It wasn't an expensive gift, but....
It's the thought that counts!