Breaking the ice with laughter!
"I lost my virginity late in life. It was like finding a needle in a haystack, but with less blood."
- Conan O'Brien
Laugh your way into the world of virginity with Virgin Jokes!
I lost my virginity just to make my dog happy...
How do you make a virgin mojito with rum?
You make a mojito and don't put your dick in it.
I lost my virginity in the back seat of a Mercury Grand Marquis so I know a thing or two about luxury.
Her name was Virginia. Virgin for short, but not for long.
You can call me a loser all you want but I know I'm a winner. Always have been one. Never lost a thing.
Not even my virginity.
Confucius say, virgin with thimble on finger, never feel prick.
Confucius say, virginity like bubble. One prick - all gone.
Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
Chuck Norris daughter lost her virginity and Chuck Norris got it back.
Did you know there are no canaries on the Canary Islands? Same as with the Virgin Islands…
No canaries there either.
Virgin Jokes: Where innocence meets hilarity!
Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
Nike has come out with a bra that aids virgin boys.
Just Undo It.
There was a virgin that was going out on a date for the first time and she told her grandmother about it. Her grandmother says, "Sit here and let me tell you about those young boys. "He is going to try to kiss you; you are going to like that, but don't let him do that." She continued, "He is going to try to feel your breast; you are going to like that, but don't let him do that. He is going to try to put his hand between your legs; you are going to like that, but don't let him do that. Then the grandmother said, "But, most importantly, he is going to try to get on top of you and have his way with you. You are going to like that, but don't let him do that. It will disgrace the family." With that bit of advice in mind, the granddaughter went on her date and could not wait to tell her grandmother about it. The next day she told her grandmother that her date went just as the old lady said. She said, "Grandmother, I didn't let him disgrace the family. When he tried, I turned him over, got on top of him and disgraced his family."
A bride tells her husband, "Honey, you know I'm a virgin and I don't know anything about sex. Can you explain it to me first?"
"Okay, sweetheart. Putting it simply, we will call your private place 'the prison' and call my private thing 'the prisoner'. So what we do is put the prisoner in the prison." And they made love for the first time and the husband was smiling with satisfaction.
Nudging him, his bride giggles, "Honey the prisoner seems to have escaped."
Turning on his side, he smiles and says, "Then we will have to re-imprison him."
After the second time, the bride says, "Honey, the prisoner is out again!" The husband rises to the occasion and they made love again.
After a few minutes the bride again says, "Honey, the prisoner escaped again," to which the husband yelled, "Hey, it's not a life sentence!"
The new priest was so nervous at his first mass, he could hardly speak. Before his second appearance in the pulpit he asked the monsignor how he could relax. The Monsignor said, "Next Sunday, it may help if you put some vodka in the water pitcher. After a few sips, everything should go smoothly." The next Sunday the new priest put the suggestion into practice and was able to talk up a storm. He felt great,However, upon returning to the rectory, he found a note from the monsignor. It read: 1. Next time, sip rather than gulp. 2. There are 10 commandments, not 12. 3. There are 12 disciples, not 10. 4. We do not refer to the cross as the big "T� 5. The recommended grace before meals is not " rub-a-dub-dub, thanks for the grub, yeah God." 6. Do not refer to our savior, Jesus Christ and his apostles as "J.C. and The boys". 7. David slew Goliath. He did not kick the shit out of him." 8. The Father, Son, and Holy Spirit are never referred to as"Big Daddy, Junior and, The Spook". 9. It is always the Virgin Mary, never "Mary with the Cherry". 10. Last, but not least, next Wednesday there will be a taffy pulling contest as St. Peters.There will not be a Peter pulling contest at St. Taffy�s. 11. Jesus was Consecrated, NOT constipated. 12. Jesus said,"Take this and eat it, for it is my body, "he did not say, "Eat me." 13. Jacob wagered his donkey, he didn�t "beat his ass." David was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey, he wasn�t "stoned off his ass.
The mother had three virgin daughters. All three got married almost at the same time and went on a honeymoon. The mother was very worried about the beginning of their sexual life, and asked them to send her at least a few words how it's going.
The first one sent a postcard from Hawaii, just after two days after the wedding. On top of it there was just one word: "Nescafe". Her mother ran into the kitchen, find a coffee "Nescafe" and read on the label: "Blessing" until the last drop". Mother blushed, but was satisfied with her daughter's happiness.
The second daughter sent the postcard from Jamaica a few days later, where she read "Benson n Hedges" cigars. She immediately went to the man's room, where she found his "Benson Hedges" and read "Extra Long cigars. King Size". She again shyly blushed, but was happy for her daughter.
The third daughter went off for the honeymoon to Caribbean. Mother was waiting for
the week – nothing. Week later - nothing again. Only a month later finally got a postcard, where with the trembling hand was written "British Airways". Mother quickly found a journal and began to look for what she was afraid about, and then she found British Airways advertisement and read: "Three times a day, seven days a week, in both ends!"
Hillbilly weddingnight! They are in the bedroom, undressing. She says: " you have to be very careful with me, I am still a virgin!" He pulls up his pants runs out of the room. Sprints all the way home to his father and tells him about his virgin bride. Father says:" thanks god, son, good you didn't touch that bitch! If she isn't even good enough for her own family what does that filthy piece want with us?!"
Q: What do a hemophiliac and a virgin have in common?
A: One prick and they’re done.
A man had a problem...he was a virgin because he had a 25 inch penis...
After seeking consults from all the Doctors in his town and being told no one could help him, the man sulks and starts walking home. A homeless man sitting on the sidewalk noticed his forlorn appearance and asked him what was wrong.
"I have a 25 inch penis and none of the Doctors in town are able to help me reduce it."
"I know someone who can," replied the old man. "See, I was once in your shoes and had a 25 inch penis. Doctors couldn't help me either. Then one day as I sat at the lake pondering suicide, a frog hopped up on a lily pad and told me that if I asked him to marry me, that 5 inches would disappear from my penis. I know, it sounds absurd. But damn if it didn't work. You should go see him."
So the man goes to the local lake and sure enough finds the frog sitting on a lily pad. 'Here goes nothing...'
"Frog...will you marry me?"
"No," said the frog.
POOF!! 5 inches disappeared from his penis.
"WOW! It actually works! Frog....will you marry me?"
"No," replied the frog.
POOF!! Another 5 inches disappears. The man now has a 15 inch penis and thought that if he could just lose 5 more inches, he might just be able to take a woman to bed or even star in a porn flick. "I'll ask just one more time and walk away happy with a 10 inch penis."
So he asked the frog one more time. "Frog...will you marry me?"
"How many times do I have to tell you??? NO, NO, NO!!!"
👴🏻: "You took my daughter's virginity"
👨🏼: "I'm sorry Sir, won't happen again"