Making PMS funny, one joke at a time.

Did you hear about the rapper who only battled when she was on her period?
They said she had a mean flow.

My wife sent me a text that said, “my period is late.”
Me: I told her not to worry and that it was properly placed at the end of the sentence.

What is the definition of a menstrual period ?
A bloody waste of fucking time.

A recent scientific study revealed that women found different male attributes attractive depending on where they were in their menstrual cycle.
For example, a woman ovulating found men with rugged masculine features most attractive.
Whereas a woman menstruating preferred men doused in petrol, set on fire with scissors stuck in his eyes, an axe in his skull and a javelin stuck up his arse.

You see that movie about Queen Victoria's first menstrual cycle?
I thought it was bloody good and I normally don't care for period dramas.

A menstrual pad goes to school where she got bullied by two tampons
The toilet roll walked up to her and told the menstrual pad “Don’t listen to them, They’re both stuck up cunts”

What do you call a woman's first menstrual cycle after incarceration?
The period at the end of a sentence.

Scottish lawmakers recently voted to make menstrual products free
It's about bloody time.

What is the best thing about a gipsy on her period?

When you finger her you get your palm red for free.

Why was the homeless lady only wearing one sock? – She started her period.

How does an Alabama mother know when her daughter is on her period? She can taste the blood off her son’s cock!

Why did the girl rage badly when she got an D- on her essay?

Because the teacher said she missed all her periods.

Whats the difference between a hippie chick and a hockey player? – The hockey player showers after 3 periods.

What is a prisoner’s favorite punctuation?

A period.

Why?

Because it marks the end of a sentence.

How do you embarrass an archeologist? You give him a tampon and ask what period it’s from.

What is 6.9?

A beautiful thing ruined by a period.

They should put prizes inside tampon boxes.
Like, yeah, your period sucks, but here’s 50 percent off some ice cream.

Woman: I’m having the worst period ever.
Husband: Are you sure you’re not ovary-acting?

Getting your period is like being attacked by a dementor.
You feel like you’ll never be happy again and only chocolate can make it better.

You know what my favorite mythical creatures are?
The happy girls in tampon commercials.

A woman’s period is like once a month her body accidentally hits caps lock on her emotions.

Uterus: I didn’t bleed all day yesterday — you should totally wear cute panties.
Also uterus: Surprise her.

What is an ovary’s favorite type of TV show?
Period dramas.

Guess you could say people with irregular periods go with the flow.

A young woman steps into her local pharmacy to pick a supply of tampons for herself.
She goes to the aisle where they are located and sees they are priced at five boxes for one dollar. Thinking this is a misprint, she finds a clerk and asks if this can possibly be the correct price. The clerk replies, “Yes, it is the correct price. For one week only, you can purchase five boxes of tampons for one dollar, no strings attached.”

Periods help you learn how to get blood off things….
which is probably why you hear more stories of men caught for murder.

What kind of bikes do girls ride?
Menstrual cycles.

Period: Guess who’s back… back again…
Me: Ugh, can we not do this today?
Period: I can come back in 9 months?
Me: Keep fucking singing.