Penis Jokes: The Perfect Blend of Naughty and Hilarious.

Because size does matter... in humor.


I don't always tell dick jokes, but when I do, they're usually hard to swallow.

I'm not saying I have a big ego, but my penis does have its own fan club.

Why did the penis go to the doctor?
Because it was feeling a bit cocky.

Dick Jokes meme.
Dick Jokes meme.

Weird never felt so funny.
- Updated: 2024-07-20.




  1. Bringing a whole new meaning to 'below the belt' humor.


  2. Your penis is just like your signature

    You should be very careful where you put it


    I started a new job. My boss said "Hi, my name is Rebecca, but people call me Becky". I said "My name is Kyle, but people call me Dick".

    She said "how do you get Dick from Kyle?"
    I replied "you just ask nicely".


    Me: you can find the glory of God in the smallest of things.
    Her: Be that as it may, stop sending me dick pics.


    I wish my problems were as small as my wiener…..


    You know you're bored when you measure your own cock.

    Now I'm bored AND disappointed.



  3. Penis Jokes: Where the punchlines are always stiff.


  4. My doctor asked me if my dick burned after sex. I told him I'd never tried lighting it.


    My dick has lead me to places I wouldn't even go with a gun.


    What does a man with a 12 inch penis eat for breakfast?

    This morning I had a boiled egg.


    Every sad girls deserves Hapenis.


    My friend told me if I put the end of my penis in ice water my balls would stop itching.

    Cool tip.



  5. Penis Jokes: because laughter is the best medicine for a limp ego.


  6. Did you hear about about the army guy that got his dick blown off?

    Just nuts now isn’t it.


    My dick is only 6 inches, but some girls like it that wide!


    My dick is only 6 inches, from the ground!


    Just got a message from a random guy asking me to meet him in the woods to compare dick sizes. Fuckin' weirdo...
    He didn't even show up!


    Two interesting facts about me:

    1: My Penis is the exact length of two IKEA pencils.

    2: I've got a lifetime ban from IKEA!



  7. Where the jokes are never hard to come by.


  8. My dick is like a tsunami.
    No one will try riding it.


    Guys, you know you're getting old when....
    .... your dick doesn't get stiff, but everything else does.


    I can't believe that even in 2022, I can't wear my mini skirt to work..
    And the only "reason" for that is apparently my dick is showing.


    A key to a woman’s heart is being able to make her laugh.
    She laughed at the size of my penis.


    Why did the pervert cross the road?
    His dick was stuck in a chicken.



  9. Dick Jokes: Because sometimes it's okay to be a little immature.


  10. Just because a man has one, doesn't mean he has to be one.


    Her profile Match.com said she wants a guy that makes her laugh. Unfortunately, she also said "no dick pics" so there goes that.


    What's the similarity between a male organ and boiled potatoes.

    A: Both are soft when done.


    A man telling a cockroach,
    " My penis is a hundred times longer than yours".
    The cockroach said,
    " Yet, I make your wife scream louder than you do".


    I just found out that cock fighting was done with roosters. There goes 6 months training down the drain.



  11. Where the humor is always rising to the occasion.


  12. Is my wife dissatisfied with my body?

    A tiny part of me says yes.


    I used to say I had a 9 inch penis but that was really stretching it.


    Q: Do you know how I can make my penis 9” long?
    A: Fold it in half


    My love language is mutual respect and honesty...

    Oh..and good dick too.


    Subway worker: you want a six inch?
    Me: it’s 4 1/2 isn’t it ?



  13. Dick jokes: Because even the smallest things can bring the biggest laughs.


  14. What is Moby Dick’s Dad’s name?

    Papa Boner.


    FUN Fact:
    There's a species of fish named the "slippery dick."


    Last Christmas
    I send you my dick
    But the very next day
    You blocked me away
    This year to save
    Me from tears
    My dick pic's for
    Someone special


    See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.


    My son asked me why I had him CIRCUMCISED, I SAID because every woman will GRAB AT ANYTHING that has 20 percent off.


  15. Come for the jokes, stay for the awkward laughs.


  16. Guy: is my penis sexy?

    Me: can I choose dare?


    My inbox is full of penis enlargement emails. I've asked my wife to stop sending them.


    Your small dick only proves one thing; your circumcision took more than one try.


    I accidentally put my penis in brass instrument. Now I'm on the sax offenders list.


    A man goes to a strip club with an alligator. He says, "I bet you that I can put my dick into this alligator's mouth for 1 minute, and when I take it out, it will not be damaged. If I succeed, all of you will buy me drinks. If I fail, I will buy all of you drinks." The other men agree and he puts his dick into the alligator's mouth for 1 minute. After 1 minute, he hits the alligator on the head with a beer bottle, and he opens his mouth. To everyone's surprise, his dick is unharmed. "Now, before you buy me drinks, does anybody else want to try?" After a while, someone in the back finally raises their hand. It's a woman. "I guess I can try," she says, "but you have to promise not to hit me on the head with a beer bottle."




More dick jokes on the following pages...