Get Your Giggle On with Our Top-Rated Ass Jokes.

Why is the asshole so shady?

Because it meets everyone in the back

My friend is so lucky, his gf doesn't mind him checking as many asses as he wants!

By the way, he is a proctologist

Did you hear about the guy who got a window shoved up his butt?

It was a huge pane in the ass.

Eating ass is just a french kissing the other side of the mouth.

Saturn and Neptune are the butt cheeks of the solar system

Uranus is between them.

What do a butthole and a 9v battery have in common?

We know we shouldn’t put our tongue on it but we do it anyway.

What do you call a Mexican girl with no ass?
A flatina.

What does a proctologist give you for pain?
An Analgesic.

How many animals can you fit in a pair of pantyhose?
Ten little piggies, two calves, a beaver, and an ass.

Sure there’s a risk getting a colonoscopy
Butt it’s well worth it.

I’m currently looking to date a very curvy bisexual.
I guess you can say I have a bi-ass.

What does Edward Penis-hand fears the most?
An itching butt.

I once tried to have sex with a great white shark, but lost my erection my leg, and half my arse.

Proctologist …. The only job where you start at the bottom …. and stay there.

My friend used to be addicted to flashing their bum in public... but that was many moons ago.

My girlfriend and I had sex a couple of days ago. She looked at me and said, "Turn the light off and stick it in my butt".
I guess I should have waited for the bulb to cool off first.

FUN Fact:
Every human being starts out as an anus - It's the first part of our bodies to form in the womb.

My mate took his dead cat to a taxidermist, but they stuffed the wrong end. It was a cat-ass-trophy.

Therapist: And when you use your dildos in such an unhealthy manner, how do you feel?

Me: With my asshole mostly.

Ass grabbing is an essential part of a well balanced relationship.

How many animals can be found on the female body? 6. A set of hooters, a couple of calves, an ass and a fish that nobody can find.

A guy checked out my ass today; he’s a gastroenterologist, but it still counts.

"What dat ass do?"
- when your proctologist is a bit more gansta than you're comfortable with.

My shower curtain grabs my ass more often than any human does.

When the doctor told me that there
was a cure for dyslexia,

It was music to my arse!

The only ass I need is assistance.

How am I supposed to believe humans are the dominant species when a spider is over here building a house with their butthole.

Why did The Snowman
Have a finger up the bum?
He was getting his frostate checked.

Just a reminder:
If the Indians had shot a donkey instead of a turkey, you'd all be getting a piece of Ass for Thanksgiving.

After all these years, my wife still thinks I’m sexy.
Every time I walk by she says, What an Ass.

Doctors have found a cure for dyslexia, well that's music to my arse.

I've been asked to decorate the house with a satin paint, but I honestly don’t think I can fit my arse in the tin.

Have you ever ate a butt? Kind of a shitty meal if you ask me.

MEN look at WOMEN's behind and say, "What an Ass".. Women look at men's face, and say the same thing!

I am asking for a friend, ok? Why are hemorrhoids such a pain in the ass?

Good news everyone – my proctologist called and all the tests were negative. Bad news - his ring is missing...

Did you hear about the guy who thought asphalt was a rectal problem?

Eating ass on a plane?? Now thats what i call Skyrim.

I’m not one for booty puns, butt…

What do you get when you cross a donkey with an onion ?
A piece of ass that brings a tear to your eye.