Laughing Our Way to Pleasure.
A dildo a day keeps the doctor away... or at least makes the wait in the waiting room more enjoyable.
The only thing better than a dildo is a group of dildos.
I don't always use a dildo, but when I do, it's because my vibrator ran out of batteries.
Weird never felt so funny.
- Updated:
2024-12-20.
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You’re about as useful as a vibrator with no batteries.
Lesbians shouldn't be able to buy dildos....you made your choice live with it.
A dick a day keeps the vibrator away.
Hacking my neighbor’s 3D printer to make a dildo so he can go fuck himself.
A wise man once said, "When the rise of the machines happens...
...make sure you are nowhere near a dildo factory."
What do you call a sex toy that isn't used for penetration?
A dildon't
Giving advice to an idiot is very much like gifting dildo to a girl...
You know they need it but they will throw it in your face and call you a weirdo instead.
Why did God create man?
Because a vibrator can’t mow the lawn.
I'm going to start a vibrator repair service, and call it...
Inspect Her Gadget...
The dildo of consequences rarely arrives lubed.
I saw a dildo for sale described as “nine inches long and realistic.”
I thought: Which is it?
15% of women admit to having used vibrators.
The other 85% said they bought them new.
How is a selfie stick like a dildo?
There's usually a cunt at one end.
Nonalcoholic beer is like a vibrator without batteries, fills you up
but without the buzz.
Therapist: And when you use your dildos in such an unhealthy manner, how do you feel?
Me: With my asshole mostly.
FUN Fact:
There is a town in Canada called Dildo.
[Sex Shop]
Me: *holding 37 dildos*
Shopkeeper: may I help you?
Me: where are the fitting rooms?
My sex tape consists of the duct tape I use to keep my vibrator together.
Maturing is realizing her vibrator is your team mate, not your enemy.
FUN Fact:
It's illegal to own 6 or more dildos in Texas.
My gay mate was really embarrassed after I caught him sucking a dildo.
I think he’s put it behind him now.
My wife just rang me this morning. She said,
"Two packages arrived today. The first was your Playstation 5 and the second is the new Rampant Rabbit vibrator we ordered. I can't wait for you to get home and play with me for hours."
I said, "You'll be fucking lucky... I only ordered one controller."
My girlfriend assures me that size doesn't matter,
but all of her dildos look like they're missing a lamp shade.
I’m now fully environmentally friendly. All my vibrators are rechargeable
Q: What did the banana say to the vibrator?
A: "What are you shaking about, it's me she's going to eat."
Q. What do tofu and a dildo have in common?
A. They are both meat substitutes.
My wife likes vibrators. Dont know if they're her favourite but, they're certainly up there.
I got my wife a vibrator for her birthday. She’s done nothing but moan ever since.
Q. How do you know if a woman used a vibrator while she was pregnant?
A. The kid stutters.
Recent studies show that 43% of women have used vibrators.
From this we can conclude that the other 57% bought theirs new.
I'm going to start a dildo repair service when lockdown is over, and I'm going to call it "Inspect Her Gadget"...
I will be available for house calls too!
Smell your vibrator and ask yourself, do you deserve a good man?
Why doesn't Karen use a dildo?
To come plain.
Q: What do Tofu And Dildos Have In Common?
A: They're Both Meat Substitutes!
Q: "What do tofu and a dildo have in common?"
A: "They are both meat substitutes!"
2 guys were talking about what they got their wives for Valentines Day
The first guy says: "I got my wife flowers, chocolates and a diamond bracelet"
The second guy replies: "Oh nice she will like that... I too got my wife flowers, chocolates, but with a diamond ring..................... and a dildo.
The first guy asks: "that sounds great but why the dildo?................
The second guy looks him in the eyes and says: "Well if she doesnt like the ring she can go fuck herself!"
How do you know when a blond is using a vibrator???
All her front teeth are chipped...
A 60 year old woman came home one day and heard strange noises in her bedroom. She opened the door and discovered her 40 year old daughter playing with a vibrator.
"What are you doing?" asked the mother.
"Mom, I'm 40 years old and look at me. I'm ugly. I'll never get married, so this is pretty much my husband." The mother walked out of the room, shaking her head.
The next day, the father came home and heard noises in the bedroom and upon entering the room, found his daughter using the vibrator.
"What the hell are you doing?" he asked.
His daughter replied, "I already told Mom. I'm 40 years old now and ugly. I will never get married, so this is as close as I'll ever get to a husband." The father walked out of the room shaking his head.
The next day, the mother came home to find her husband with a beer in one hand and the vibrator in the other, watching a football game on TV.
"What on earth are you doing?" she cried.
The husband replied, "What does it look like I'm doing? I'm having a beer and watching football with my son-in-law!" 😎
Non-alcoholic beer is like a vibrator without batteries. It fills you up nicely but without the buzz...🤗
A man and woman had been married for 30 years, and in those 30 years, they always left the lights off when having sex. He was embarrassed and scared that he couldn't please her, so he always used a big dildo on her. All these years she had no clue. One day, she decided to reach over and flip the light switch on and saw that he was using a dildo. She said "I knew it, asshole, explain the dildo!" He said, "Explain the kids!"