Ugly jokes: where comedy gets a little twisted.

If you think you look ugly in glasses, it may just be because you can see your face better with them.

Good men do exists, we are just ugly.

i'm 99.9% sure i'm the ugly friend.

If being handsome is a crime...

I would be a law-abiding citizen.

Wife: Pay me a compliment.
Me: You're only half as ugly when I close one eye.

When i was born i was so ugly -the Doctor slapped my mother.

When I say you are cute please don't say really because I don't wanna lie twice.

Wouldn't say I'm ugly... but when I put my iPhone in my back pocket, the facial recognition unlocked it.

When you were little, mom & dad took you EVERYWHERE they went!.....Why??? Cause you were soo ugly they didn't want to kiss you Goodbye!!

Earlier my wife asked; "Will you still love me when I'm fat and ugly?"

Me; "You know I do"

Am I going to complain about the British Botox clinic's service ?
No, I'm going to keep a stiff upper lip...

Taking selfies is not that easy as everyone thinks... specially when you’re not attractive!

Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly is to the bone.

"Wow, you look good today!” is not a compliment if it comes with a genuinely surprised look.

You Know You're Ugly when You Get Handed the Camera Every Time They Make a Group Photo.

Valentine is for cute people, we Ugly ones should wait for Halloween.

Being ugly is basically playing life on hard mode.

I asked my friend if I was ugly.
They answered, “God makes everyone perfect.”

I replied, “Thank you!”

But then they said, “Well..I don’t know who made *you.”* Certainly not God!”

If I had a dollar for everytime people call me ugly...
I'd be broke cause no one ever calls me.

An old woman visits her doctor, complaining of back pain.
The doctor tells her, "It's old age."

The woman says to the doctor, "Well, I want a second opinion!"

To which the doctor says, "Fine, you're ugly too!"

What do you call a bunch of ugly people in a flying car having an orgy because they feel sorry for each other?
A shitty pity gang bang.

Camouflage clothing is so ugly...
It's no wonder you don't see anyone wearing it.

Yo Mamma's so ugly....
She ordered a Happy meal and made it cry.

Yo mama so ugly...
she walked into a haunted house and came out with a job application!

A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.
The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'

Things turned really ugly at my house last night.
My girlfriend removed her make up.

Your momma’s so ugly...
her blowjobs count as anal.

Yo mamma’s so ugly...
Yo daddy takes her to work with him every day so he doesn’t have to kiss her goodbye.

People used to call me ugly in middle school, but things have changed...
I'm not in middle school anymore.

How ugly are you?
I take 10 pictures of myself and delete 12.

I went to the store to buy condoms last night.
The cashier asked, ‟Do you want a bag?”
I replied, ‟No, she is not that ugly.”

So I mentioned how my crush wanted me to give up beekeeping. I was holding one of them and she said "How can you hold that ugly creature?". I said I didn't think it was ugly.
I guess beauty is in the eye of the bee-holder.

An ugly lady grabbed my ass today
I turned around and asked her, "do you have a pen?"

She said, "of course I do!"
I replied, "well, you get better get back to it before the farmer realizes you're missing."

You're so ugly that I'm going to have to stop drinking...
just in case I start seeing two of you.

I was such an ugly kid. When I played in the sandbox
the cat kept covering me up.

Yo mama's so ugly...
She took off her facemask during quarantine and was arrested for indecent exposure.

When you feel like you're ugly, stupid and have no redeeming traits....
Don't wallow in despair; at least you have sound judgement.

Always marry an ugly woman, a beautiful one will leave you...
An ugly one will too, but you just won't care as much.

I am 70% lame, 50% ugly...
and the remaining % good in maths.

A man ask a pretty women: ”if there is a scale of a person’s looking, on the left is ugly, and on the right is pretty, so what do you think of me?”
”I think you are in the middle,” says the women.

”So my looking is just okay,” says the man, a bit disappointed.

”No, you are pretty ugly, ” says the women.