Fertilization Funnies: Side-Splitting Sperm Jokes for All.

Where laughter meets conception.


Why did the sperm cross the road?
Because I put on the wrong sock this morning!

I told my sperm to aim high, but they just keep hitting the ceiling.

Sperm Jokes meme.
Sperm Jokes meme.

Weird never felt so funny.
- Updated: 2024-07-22.




  1. Sperm Jokes: The home of irreverent reproductive humor.


  2. How do you cancel an appointment at a sperm bank?
    Phone them and tell them you can’t come πŸ˜‚


    Out of 100,000 sperm, you were the fastest?


    Recently scientists discovered a new species of a bat whose sperm is extremely poisonous.

    They named it Mortal Cum Bat.


    "Excuse me," I said to the girl sat in front of me on the bus.

    "You have some semen on the back of your jacket."

    "I'm sure it's not semen," she said, "It's probably yogurt."

    "It's definitely semen," I said, "I don't ejaculate yogurt."


    What's a guy doing when he's donating sperm for money?
    A nut job.



  3. Bringing the fun to fertilization.


  4. How do you know if you have a high sperm count?
    She has to chew before she swallows!


    I just made my girlfriend a coffee using sperm instead of milk.
    I call it an ejaculatte.


    Why did the sperm cross the road?
    Because I put on the wrong sock this morning.


    Biology Teacher: Sperm has sugar.
    Cynthia: No sir, it's tasteless.


    I applied to be a sperm donor and the nurse asked if I could masturbate in the cup...
    I told her I’m pretty good but don’t think I’m ready to compete in a tournament yet.



  5. Laughing all the way to the fallopian tube.


  6. The last time I was involved in sexual intercourse was when I was a sperm.


    I've donated my sperm to the lesbian couple across the road and I'm sure the baby will be special.
    It is hand made after all.


    I am such a loser.
    The last time I won anything I was still a sperm.


    Since becoming a sperm donor I’ve been making money hand over fist.


    Q: How do you know if your boyfriend has a high sperm count?
    A: You have to chew before you swallow!



  7. Sperm Jokes: The lighter side of reproduction.


  8. "I'm going to the doctor," says Mary.

    "Why, what's wrong?" asks her best friend Sara.

    "I want to ask him how many calories there really are in sperm."

    Sara says, "Why worry? If you're swallowing that much, no man is going to care if you're a bit chubby."


    How do you cancel an appointment with a Sperm Bank?
    It's easy... You just tell them you can't come!


    Who put semen in the basement?
    I don't know. That's just the way it's spelled.


    When I found out that men get paid Β£60 every time they donate their sperm, it made me angry to think about all that money I've let slip through my fingers.


    Apparently Wi-Fi laptops can damage your sperm.

    In my experience, not as much as sperm can damage your Wi-Fi laptop.



  9. Sperm jokes: where the punchlines swim upstream.


  10. I went to the sperm clinic today, the receptionist asked if I would like to masturbate in the cup...

    I said, "I'm good, but I'm not sure I'm ready for competition."


    The nurse at the sperm bank asked me if I'd like to masturbate in the cup.

    I said, "Well, I'm pretty good, but I don't think I'm ready to compete just yet."


    Why did the sperm cross the road? Because I put on the wrong socks this morning.


    My doctor said to me "do you know your sperm count?"
    I said I didn't know they were that clever.


    My friend cancelled his appointment at the sperm bank. He called them and said he can't cum.



  11. Making light of the miracle of life.


  12. A young whale asked his father " dad where do i come from" the father whale says " from my sperm son" young whale says "thanks dad" father whale "your whale cum".


    You can't spell advertisements without semen between the tits!


    You can't spell advertisements without semen between the tits!


    "Why do sperm cells look like commas and apostrophes?"
    "They often interrupt periods and lead to contractions."


    Juicy Proverbs
    ● Never dance naked because the body has parts that do not stop moving when the music stops.
    ● Sex is the only activity where you start at the top and work your way to the bottom, while getting a raise.
    ● Friends are like condoms; they protect you when things get hard.
    ● Without nipples, breasts would be pointless.
    ● Masturbation is like procrastination, it's all good and fun until you realize you are only fucking yourself.
    ● Without a doubt, women are the foundation stone of the society; but always remember who laid them!
    ● Education is like hiring a prostitute, it needs both money & hard work.
    ● When the toilet paper of experience is depleted, the ass of reason goes un-wiped.
    ● Men play the game. Women know the score.
    ● Wives are funny creatures. They don't have sex with their husbands for weeks and then they want to kill the woman who does!
    ● Guys are like roses, just watch out for the pricks
    ● College is like a woman; you work so hard to get in and nine months later you wish you'd never come.
    ● Whenever you feel low, depressed or useless, remember that you are the same sperm that won a battle against a million others.
    ● The girl who remembers her first kiss now has a daughter who can't even remember her first husband.
    ● Here is the definition of divorce, she gets the ring and the man gets the finger!
    ● See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time."
    ● Confucius say man who puts hand in bush is not always a gardener.
    ● A botany student has brought to our attention the fact that penis is the only thing that has to be grown before it is planted.



  13. Where sperm and comedy come together.


  14. Teacher: And therefore, sperm cells are made up of glucose.
    Student: So you're saying that sperm has sugar in it?
    Teacher: Technically. Yes.
    Student: But it doesn't even taste like that...
    Teacher: what?
    Student: what?


    - What did the receptionist at the sperm bank say to clients as they are leaving ?
    - Thanks for cumming !


    Q: WHAT DID ONE GAY SPERM SAY TO ANOTHER?
    A: How do we find an egg in all of this shit?


    Whoever named it Sperm Bank missed the chance to call it a Semenary.


    A sperm donor, a carpenter and Julius Caesar walked into a bar.
    He came, he saw, he conquered.


  15. Swim on over for some sperm comedy.


  16. The nurse at the sperm bank asked me if I'd like to masturbate in the cup. I said, "Well, I'm pretty good, but I don't think I'm ready to compete just yet."


    What does the receptionist at a sperm bank say as clients leave?
    Thanks for coming! πŸ‘±β€β™€οΈ


    Q: Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize one egg?
    A: Because like all men, they won't stop to ask directions. ➑


    "Excuse me," I said to the woman sat in front of me on the bus, "You have some semen on the back of your jacket."
    "I'm sure it's not semen," she said "It's probably yoghurt."
    "It's definitely semen," I said "I don't ejaculate yoghurt." πŸ€ͺ


    Q: Why are condoms transparent?
    A: So that sperms can at least enjoy the scene even if their entry is Restricted!




More SPERM jokes on the following pages...