Viagra Jokes: Comedy Meets the Little Blue Pill.

My doctor prescribed me Medical Marijuana and Viagra.

Now I sleep hard.

Just found out today that I'm allergic to Viagra.

It makes me swell up.

Why did the fisherman
go to his doctor for more viagra?
Because he was
hard of herring.

The cost of wood is going up, which means Viagra will be more expensive...

Told my friend a joke about viagra. I have never seen him laugh so hard.

I've been married for 47yrs now, and I've started to have erection difficulties....
My wife and I have different ideas as to what the problem is.....
She bought me some Viagra.....
And I bought her a treadmill....

I bought a box of Viagra teabags last night.

They do nothing for your sex life but they do stop your biscuit going soft when you dunk it.

Accidentally put Viagra in my ear......now I'm hard of hearing.

My Viagra addiction…

Was the hardest time of my life.

Did you see Bruce Willis overdosed on Viagra?
He always said he’d Die Hard.

An elderly gentleman went to the local drug store and asked the pharmacist to fill his prescription for Viagra..
"How many do you want?" asked the pharmacist.

The man replied, "Just a few, maybe half a dozen. I cut each one into four pieces."
Upon hearing that, the pharmacist said, "That's too small a dose. That won't get you through intercourse."

The old fellow said, "Oh, I'm past ninety years old and I don't even think about that anymore. I just want it to stick out enough so I don't pee on my shoes."

....dropped Viagra on my wrist watch & now I’m having a hard time.

Last night I performed at a viagra benefit hardest gig I ever done.

Did you know that Viagra is now being given to the elderly in care homes, apparently it stops them rolling out of bed.

Two criminals break into a drugstore and steal all the Viagra. The store owners call the police and they put out an alert.
An officer in the vicinity turns to his partner and says “Alright, we’re looking for two hardened criminals”

I just joined the Viagra Club and I’m already a member in good standing.

What happens if you give a politician viagra??

He gets taller.

I've just found out my grandad is addicted to Viagra.

Nobody is taking it harder than my grandmother.

Q: What does a lawyer get when you give him Viagra?
A: Taller.

An old man struggles to get up from the couch and puts on his coat. His wife seeing this asks "Where are you going?" "I am going to the Doctor". "Why, are you sick?" "Nope, I'm going to get some of that Viagra stuff." Immediately, the wife gets out of her rocker, and puts her coat on. Husband asks "Where are you going?" "I'm going to the Doctor too," she answers. "Why, what do you need?" She says,"If you're going to start using that rusty old thing again, I'm getting me a Tetanus shot...

Top tip for the men.
Next time you sunburn your legs, take viagra.
It don't work but it keeps the sheets off your legs at night.

Q: How do you make a lawyer taller?
A: Give him viagra.

A man gets his new prescription for Viagra, and starts home to get ready for when his wife gets home.
He calls her on the phone, and she says, "I'll be home in an hour."
"Perfect," he thinks.
The Doctor told him to take his Viagra an hour before, so he takes the Viagra and waits.
Well, an hour goes by, the man is ready to go, but no wife... She calls him on the cell phone and says, "Traffic is terrible. I won't be there for about an hour."
The man, frustrated, calls his Doctor for advice.
"I've got a hard-on a cat couldn't scratch off and my wife won't be home for another hour! What should I do?" he asks.
The Doctor replied, "It would be a shame to waste it. Do you have a housekeeper around?"
"Yes" the man replied.
"Well, maybe you can occupy yourself with her instead?" said the Doctor.
The man then replied with dismay, "But I don't need Viagra with the housekeeper..."

Q:What do you call a donkey that takes Viagra ?
A:A hard ass.

I took viagra to help with my sunburn.
It doesn't cure it or anything, but it keeps the blankets off my legs when I'm sleeping!

There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today, than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs, stiff willies with huge erections, and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them. 😃

I overdosed on Viagra once.
It was the hardest day of my life!

What happens when you give a politician Viagra? He gets taller. 😏

Did you hear about the guy who died of a Viagra overdose?
They couldn’t close his casket.