Fat Jokes: Making light of the heavy stuff.

My wife told me I’ve grown as a person.

Her actual word were “you’ve gotten fat”, but I know what she meant.

It's all fun and games until your oversized shirts start fitting.

I wish I was as fat as the first time I thought I was fat.

If you love something, let it go... and that's EXACTLY what I've done with my body.

Yo mama so fat...

that when she has threesomes the dudes never meet.

I gave up on the scissors diet because I just couldn't cut it.

Didn't intend to gain weight. It happened by snaccident.

Dieting could also be considered
"Waist management "

Almost a third of the people are obese.

These are round figures.

I would lose weight but I hate losing.

DIET DAY 1.
I have removed all the bad food from my home.

It was delicious.

I gave up on the poker diet because my stomach was beginning to resemble a full house.

I didn't mean to gain weight.
It happened by snaccident.

Whenever I gain weight, I get waisted.

I have the body of a porn star.
All my clothes say XXX.

Chances of losing weight are slim.

I always eat too many snacks when I’m nervous and also when I’m not.

I gave up on the beaver diet because frankly I don't give a dam.

When Fat girls become mum, they are called Maximum.

Do you know how to lose weight? ...fast.

I tried the battery diet until I ran out of power.

There is a slim chance that I will start dieting.

Q- is your stomach flat?
A- yes…just the L is silent.

Diet books are always best sellers,
because they appeal to a wider audience!

If you love something, let it go... and that's EXACTLY what I've done with my body.

Wives are like Thanksgiving turkeys …
They eventually get fat and then stop gobbling.

I want to loose weight but weight doesn't wanna loose me.

Apparently, it’s only appropriate to say “look at you! You’ve gotten so big!“ to children.
Adults tend to get offended.
I know that now.

So I wrote a book about dieting.

I think it will appeal to a wide audience.

"Does my uniform make me look fat?"
- Insecurity guard

A middle-aged housewife decides to donate her old clothes to charity
Wife: "I've gathered up some old clothes and I need you to drop them off at the church charity."

Husband: *Groaning* " Why not just throw them out? It's easier that way."

Wife: "Because there are people out there who are poor and starving that need these clothes."

Husband: "Darling, anyone who fits into your clothes is not starving."

I'm not fat, I'm hot. And when things get hot they expand, it's science.

My trainer told me that every time I ate a donut it went to my hip.
Note to self: eat 2 so my hips will match.

I'm not saying my wife's a fat ...
But I've had to put an energy-saving bulb in the fridge.

I DO have a six pack abs. You just can’t see them under all my fat.

I never said you were fat, I simply said I’ve never heard a wicker chair scream like that.

You're not fat, you're padded for extra comfort.

What's the point of a high school reunion? I have Facebook. I already know you got fat.

I didn't mean to gain weight.
It happened by snaccident.

What do you call someone who can’t stick to their diet??
A desserter.