Unleash Laughter in the Loo with Toilet Jokes.

When I fly, I always get an Aisle seat.
Because Aisle be going to the bathroom...

Confucius says:
He who stands on toilet is high on pot.

What do you call a 12 inch turd?
A footstool.

For plumbers, a flush beats a full house.

Freak people out in public restrooms by saying “come in” when they knock on the stall door.

Why was Piglet constipated?

He was scared of Pooh.

It’s not the destination, it’s the journey. Except when you’re heading to the bathroom with explosive diarrhea.

A doctor's toilet was blocked so he rang the plumber. The plumber said "It's early hours of the morning can't it wait?" The doc said "If you were ill I'd have to come out".
The plumber said "Fair enough" and called at the docs.
He lifted the toilet seat and threw in two paracetamol and said "Give it a few days and if it's still the same give me a call"

Technically, all the money you have ever spent on food has been flushed down the toilet.

If a cannibal ate a comedian, that would lead to some funny sh!t.

I always like to sh*t with the door open, which some people say is gross but at least I don't have to share the lift.

A lavatory sent me a friend request on Facebook.

So I blocked it.

What do we want?
Toilets!
When do we want them?
Too late!

I was reading the dictionary in bed last night, i only got up to P.

Ten interesting facts about Diarrhoea.
Number 2 might surprise you!

What did the septic truck driver say before starting his work day?

Doodie calls.

What do you call a dinosaur fart?
A blast from the past.

What did one toilet say to the other?
You look flushed.

It's not that I'm judging you, but you hung your toilet roll the wrong way and I just think it best if we never spoke again.

A male fly notices a rather attractive female fly lounging on a pile of cow manure.
The male fly swoops down next to her and says, "Excuse me love, but is this stool taken?"

There are 2 reasons I never became a plumber, Number 1.....and Number 2.

How did Captain Hook die?
Wiped his bum with the wrong hand!

The best advice my mother ever gave me, “if your fart stinks, you need to poop”

Captain Kirk always went to the ladies washroom, cause he wanted to go where no man has ever gone before..

To the person who invented 1 ply toilet paper... I'd like to shake your hand.

Why are toilets always so good at poker?
They always get a flush.

It appears that people are choosing to switch to chair height toilets. Yep, everybody's do-in' the low com-mode shun.

- Where do bees go to the bathroom?
- At the BP station!

- What do you call a bathroom Superhero?
- Flush Gordon.

- If your American in the living room what are you in the bathroom?
- Euro..pee..an.

- How do you punish a blind man?
- Leave the plunger in the toilet.

Do you know the difference between toilet paper and a shower curtan… So your the one !

What happened to the fly on the toilet seat?
It got pissed off.

Why can't you hear a Pterodactyl using the bathroom?Why can't you hear a Pterodactyl using the bathroom?
Because the 'p' is silent!Because the 'p' is silent!

- What did one toilet say to the other?What did one toilet say to the other?
- “You look a little flushed!”“You look a little flushed!”

Why was Tigger in the bathroom?Why was Tigger in the bathroom?
He was looking for Pooh!He was looking for Pooh!

I recently bought a toilet brush.I recently bought a toilet brush.
Long story short, I'm going back to toilet roll!Long story short, I'm going back to toilet roll!

I've got a book in my bathroom that I write my feelings and personal thoughts into while on the toilet.I've got a book in my bathroom that I write my feelings and personal thoughts into while on the toilet.
I call it my diarrhea!I call it my diarrhea!

Doctor, doctor! I think I have a bladder infection!Doctor, doctor! I think I have a bladder infection!
I see urine trouble!I see urine trouble!

What did Spock encounter in the Enterprise toilet?What did Spock encounter in the Enterprise toilet?
The captain’s log!The captain’s log!

Why do people take naps on the toilet?Why do people take naps on the toilet?
Because it's a restroom!Because it's a restroom!

There are two reasons you shouldn't drink from the toilet.There are two reasons you shouldn't drink from the toilet.
Number one and number two!Number one and number two!

The bartender says, “Man, you look awful! What’s up?”The bartender says, “Man, you look awful! What’s up?”
The toilet paper says, “Nothing, really. I’m just wiped.”The toilet paper says, “Nothing, really. I’m just wiped.”

I’ve been experimenting with iron, carbon, and aluminum to make a better toilet. I’m going to write an essay on my results.I’ve been experimenting with iron, carbon, and aluminum to make a better toilet. I’m going to write an essay on my results.
It’s titled “The FeCAl Matter”!It’s titled “The FeCAl Matter”!

- Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill?Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill?
- To reach the bottom!To reach the bottom!

What do you call a caveman's fart?
A blast from the past.