Penis Jokes: The Perfect Blend of Naughty and Hilarious.

My dick has led me to places I wouldn't even go with a gun.

Fun fact:
In 1979, British politician Terry Dicks lost an election to his competitor Michael Cocks.

Your penis is just like your signature

You should be very careful where you put it

I started a new job. My boss said "Hi, my name is Rebecca, but people call me Becky". I said "My name is Kyle, but people call me Dick".

She said "how do you get Dick from Kyle?"
I replied "you just ask nicely".

Me: you can find the glory of God in the smallest of things.
Her: Be that as it may, stop sending me dick pics.

I wish my problems were as small as my wiener…..

You know you're bored when you measure your own cock.

Now I'm bored AND disappointed.

My doctor asked me if my dick burned after sex. I told him I'd never tried lighting it.

My dick has lead me to places I wouldn't even go with a gun.

What does a man with a 12 inch penis eat for breakfast?

This morning I had a boiled egg.

Every sad girls deserves Hapenis.

My friend told me if I put the end of my penis in ice water my balls would stop itching.

Cool tip.

Did you hear about about the army guy that got his dick blown off?

Just nuts now isn’t it.

My dick is only 6 inches, but some girls like it that wide!

My dick is only 6 inches, from the ground!

Just got a message from a random guy asking me to meet him in the woods to compare dick sizes. Fuckin' weirdo...
He didn't even show up!

Two interesting facts about me:

1: My Penis is the exact length of two IKEA pencils.

2: I've got a lifetime ban from IKEA!

My dick is like a tsunami.
No one will try riding it.

Guys, you know you're getting old when....
.... your dick doesn't get stiff, but everything else does.

I can't believe that even in 2022, I can't wear my mini skirt to work..
And the only "reason" for that is apparently my dick is showing.

A key to a woman’s heart is being able to make her laugh.
She laughed at the size of my penis.

Why did the pervert cross the road?
His dick was stuck in a chicken.

Just because a man has one, doesn't mean he has to be one.

Her profile Match.com said she wants a guy that makes her laugh. Unfortunately, she also said "no dick pics" so there goes that.

What's the similarity between a male organ and boiled potatoes.

A: Both are soft when done.

A man telling a cockroach,
" My penis is a hundred times longer than yours".
The cockroach said,
" Yet, I make your wife scream louder than you do".

I just found out that cock fighting was done with roosters. There goes 6 months training down the drain.

Is my wife dissatisfied with my body?

A tiny part of me says yes.

I used to say I had a 9 inch penis but that was really stretching it.

Q: Do you know how I can make my penis 9” long?
A: Fold it in half

My love language is mutual respect and honesty...

Oh..and good dick too.

Subway worker: you want a six inch?
Me: it’s 4 1/2 isn’t it ?

What is Moby Dick’s Dad’s name?

Papa Boner.

FUN Fact:
There's a species of fish named the "slippery dick."

Last Christmas
I send you my dick
But the very next day
You blocked me away
This year to save
Me from tears
My dick pic's for
Someone special

See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.

My son asked me why I had him CIRCUMCISED, I SAID because every woman will GRAB AT ANYTHING that has 20 percent off.

Guy: is my penis sexy?

Me: can I choose dare?

My inbox is full of penis enlargement emails. I've asked my wife to stop sending them.

Your small dick only proves one thing; your circumcision took more than one try.