Raising laughter and eyebrows in equal measure.
"I'm just a big vagina walking around!"
- Lady Gaga
"I have a big personality, and I think big personality plus a big vagina equals big success."
- Chelsea Handler
Pussy Jokes: Because humor knows no boundaries.
My girlfriend's vagina smells like Lillie's ....
But, Lillie's is tighter...
I watched "The Vagina Monologues" on mute but I still understood the plot
I can read lips.
I’d call her a cunt, but she lacks the depth and warmth.
I’ve always been an outsider. The only thing worth being inside is a pussy.
What's a vagina's favorite music genre?
Cuntry.
What's the difference between weed and a vagina?
If you can smell the weed from across the room, you know it's good.
Doing the crossword.
"What's a 4 letter word for a female relative ending in _unt?"
Wife. "Aunt?"
Me " Pass the Tippex."
How do you turn a pussy into an asshole?
Give him a badge.
Some guys pay to see the pussy when they can look in the mirror for free.
How do you turn a pussy into a fearless warrior?
Give her a keyboard.
Turning blushing cheeks into chuckling cheeks.
What do you call ladyparts made from sugar, butter and chocolate?
A Fudgina.
Vaginas are like gyms....
I'm rarely inside one, but when I am, I sort of pretend to know what I'm doing and hope nobody notices.
There’s no “I” in team but there is a “U” in cunt.
What do pussies and Burger King have in common?
It’s generally frowned upon to eat them in the middle of a McDonald’s.
A woman’s vagina is like Disneyland…
It may be the happiest place on earth, but the older you get it the less it is worth the time, expense, aggravation, and hassle.
Do you ever wonder if a camel looks at its toe and thinks "Damn! I have vagina foot!"
What's similar between The Mafia and a Pussy..?
...I haven't been in either.
What does the mafia and pussies have in common?
One slip of the tongue and you're in deep shit.
What does the pussy and mafia have in common?
it's a lot more fun if you're on the inside .
The pussy is never yours, it's just your turn.
Pussy Jokes: Boldly going where no jokes have gone before.
What do you do when your cat's dead?
Play with the neighbours pussy instead.
Vaginas are like gyms.
I'm rarely inside one, but when I am I just sort of pretend to know what I'm doing and hope no one notices I don't.
My husband is so bad at eating pussy - it’s oral punishment.
FUN Fact:
Horses 'wink' with their vaginas when they are horny.
I named your vagina "Astrophysics" because I don't get it.
A woman goes to the doctor and says, "I'm worried about some discharge - I think I'm getting too much." The doctor says, "Hop up on the examining table and remove your pants." He puts on his latex gloves and shoves 3 fingers in her vagina and asks, "How does that feel?" She replies, That's lovely, but the discharge is in my ear."
Tight pussy is for little boys, real men live in tunnels, caves and boreholes.
Old pussy is better than no pussy.
Is pussylips one word? Or should I spread them apart?
What do vagina lips says to each other ?
"We used to be tight"
Vagina Jokes: Giving giggle muscles a new kind of workout!
A mother in law said too her sons wife " I don't mean to be rude but the baby doesn't look like my son " The wife then lifted up her skirt and said " I don't mean to be rude either but it's a Fanny not a photocopier"
Just received a parcel from Holland this morning !
I opened it and there was a rubber Fanny inside !!
I Thought ' That's nice , Two lips from Amsterdam !!'
Q. How does a woman scare a gynecologist? A. By becoming a ventriloquist!
McVities have just bought out a new biscuit range, 'Clitoris-Creams'.
They carry a guarantee. "One lick and you'll want to eat the box"
You know when you get that urge to eat something just because it's there !!??!!
Well that's how I lost my job as a gynaecologist !!
What do you call
a female peacock ...
A peacunt .
Top 10 reasons to eat pussy :
👅👅👅
#10 If pussy wasn't meant to be kissed they wouldn't have lips.
#9 Keeps your lips moist, you'll save a fortune on ChapStick.
#8 The best cure for a dry mouth is a wet pussy.
#7 It's Vegan friendly if you are into that sort of thing.
#6 The taste.
#5 He who does not suck the clit does not get to hit. Coochiticus.
#4 She is more than likely return the favor( if you do it right).
#3 The taste (it's worth saying twice).
#2 The way she moans when you're sucking out her soul.
#1 It's Pussy duh! Eat up like a bigboy.
- what did one vagina lip say to the other?
- "we used to be so tight until we let some dick cum between us"
A vagina is like the weather. Once its wet, it's time to go inside.
Q: What do you call a newspaper with blood on it?
A: a periodic.
Pussy Jokes: Breaking taboos, one laugh at a time.
Boy: "Want to hear a joke about my dick? Never mind, its too long."
Girl: "Wanna hear a joke about my pussy? Never mind, you won't get it."
Q: What's the difference between a bowling ball and a pussy?
A: You can only fit three fingers inside a bowling ball!
Q: Why are pussy pubic hairs curly?
A: You would poke your eye out if it were straight!
Q: Why was two piece swimsuit invented?
A: To separate the hairy from the dairy.
Q: What did the blind man say when he passed the fish market?
A: Good morning ladies.
Q: What's the difference between a clit and a mobile phone?
A: Nothing, every cunt's got one!
Q: How do you know when your husband eats too much pussy?
A: When he goes to the dentist to get a haircut!
Q: What's the difference between parsley and pussy?
A: Nobody eats parsley.
Q: How do you know if you have an overbite?
A: If your eating pussy and it tastes like shit!
Q: What is the irritating part around a blonde's pussy?
A: The other guys waiting their turn!
Vagina Jokes: Humor served from the feminine territory.
Q: What's the difference between eating pussy and driving in a snowstorm?
A: When you eat pussy, you can always see the arsehole in front of you!
Q: What's the definition of a tongue-twister?
A: A spiral pussy!
Q: What do pimps and dogs have in common?
A: They both ate pussy.
Q: What do you call a Roman soldier with a smile on his face and a piece of hair between his two front teeth?
A: A GLAD-HE-ATE-HER.
Q: What do you call the space between the twat and the shitter?
A: Twitter.
Q: Why do blondes wear tampons?
A: Because crabs like bungee jumping too!
Q: What do you call a policewoman who shaves her pubes?
A: Cuntstubble.
Q: Why is a woman's pussy like a public restroom?
A: They both feel good, but you wonder who has been there before you!
Q: What's the difference between balls and a pussy?
A: the harder the pussy, the more balls you need.
Q: Why do women have vaginas?
A: So that men will speak to them!