Disgusting Jokes: Prepare to Cringe!

We'll make you laugh, then feel guilty about it.

They say cleanliness is next to godliness, but I prefer to live on the wild side.

I've embraced the 'five-second rule' to the point where it's more like a 'five-minute rule.'

Laughing at the things we shouldn't.

Q. What's the difference between an oral and a rectal thermometer?
A. The taste!

A young Irish gay man decides it's time to come out to his mother
'I've got some news to tell you mammy. I'm gay'
'Really, son. Well that's a bit of a shock, but whatever makes you happy makes me happy. But can I ask you two questions?
'Er, okay.'
'Do you like that there cocksucking. Getting a big hairy cock in your mouth and sucking it like a lollipop?'
'Yeah, sometimes'
'And do you like that there rimming. Getting your tongue up into some other man's hairy arsehole and having a good rummage around?'
'Well, not every night, but I've done it a few times'
'Ah, well, thats fair enough son. Just don't ever complain about the taste of my fookin cooking again!'

I asked my taxi driver if I could leave him some tequila and fried chicken.
He said sure, so I threw up.

Gaseous clouds have been detected around planet Ur.anus.

If you're having sex with a pregnant chick and you feel like you're getting head at the same time, you probably should stop.

Making you question your sense of humor.

I just banged my head.
Took me ages to get that flexible.

My Wife: My gynaecologist says I can't have sex for a month.
Me: Well, what did your proctologist say?

Hey female grammar Nazis, question: Would you rather miss a period on twitter, or in real life?

I love cooking children and dogs...but I hate using commas.