Gay Jokes – The Ultimate Collection of LGBTQ Humor

Lesbians shouldn't be able to buy dildos....you made your choice live with it.

Just seen the new gay advent calendar.
It only has back doors......

My young son pointed at a lesbian couple kissing in the park...

So i walked over and said, "There's a time and a place for that, ladies"...

They looked at me. "Oh, is there now"...? asked one lady, folding her arms...

I said, "Yes. It's 9pm and my house"...

Why can't Jesus judge gay people?

Because he got nailed right before he died.

It's really easy to beat lesbians in a game of ro-sham-bo because they always go for scissors.

I was going to tell a gay joke...
Butt fuck it.

I slept with 2 Thai birds last night.
Wow It was like winning the lottery..

We had six matching balls.

Did you ever realize that the colours on the LGBT flag are actually all straight
Unless it blows?

I want to handle the topic of traditional homosexual polygamy.
Just like my four fathers did.

For sale: Seven (7) lions. Six (6) females and one (1) male. Turns out I totally misunderstood pride month, and now they're in need of a new home.

Wait, so lesbians cook? I thought they just ate out.

What do you call two female lovers spying on the government?
Lesbionage.

If the women is always right.

Who wins when lesbians argue..?

What do you call a gay Dinosaur?
A Mega sore ass.

Somebody said my dad's gay.
And I’m now trying to work out which one.

What do you call 10 lesbians on top of each other?
A block of flaps!

It’s not gay if it happens in a bouncy castle.

2 lesbian frogs. One says to the other.."gees we really do taste like chicken "

My gay mate was really embarrassed after I caught him sucking a dildo.

I think he’s put it behind him now.

If a woman sleeps with 10 men she's a slut, but if a man does it… He's gay, definitely gay.

I wasn’t born gay, it’s just how I was reared.

If Elton John were a small garden statuette he would be a gnomosexual

I've just realised why all the LGBT festivals always happen in the Summer.
Because Pride comes before the fall.

My gay friend canceled his trip to London when he found out Big Ben was a clock!

A gay guy walks into the doctors office. He takes off his clothes for examination. When he takes his clothes off the doctor sees a Nicoderm patch at the end of his penis. The doctor says... "Hmmm, that's interesting...Does it work?" The man answers.. "Sure does... I haven't had a butt in 3 weeks!"

What do you call a homosexual nun?

Nun the les.

The Bible says being gay is fine, as long as you're high.

"A man who lays with another man should be stoned."

- Leviticus 20:13 ESV

Did you hear about the gay whale?.. No .. well legend has it.. that he attacked a ship and swallowed all the “seamen”.

What's the difference between a gay man and a refrigerator?
The refrigerator doesn't fart when you pull the meat out.....

What do you call two lesbians in a cupboard?
A liquor cabinet.

Homophobia is bullshit! Let's just let homes get married.

My sister has a severe nut allergy...

She's a lesbian!

Yesterday, I asked a dozen random people at the market what LGBTQ stands for...I never got a straight answer.

My L‌‌esbian neighbours Jane a‌‌nd Caroline a‌‌sked m‌‌e t‌‌o h‌‌elp t‌‌hem c‌‌onceive a‌‌ c‌‌hild r‌‌ecently.

They s‌‌aid t‌‌hey w‌‌ouldn't m‌‌ind i‌‌f w‌‌e d‌‌id i‌‌t t‌‌he o‌‌ld f‌‌ashioned w‌‌ay a‌‌s t‌‌hey w‌‌ere desperate to have a baby.

For s‌‌ix m‌‌onths n‌‌ow w‌‌e've b‌‌een t‌‌rying b‌‌ut I‌‌ j‌‌ust d‌‌on't h‌‌ave t‌‌he h‌‌eart t‌‌o t‌‌ell t‌‌hem I‌‌ h‌‌ad a‌‌ Vasectomy l‌‌ast y‌‌ear.

Two lesbians built themselves a wood-frame house.
It was all tongue-and-groove, and not a stud in sight.

- What do you call a bouncer at a gay bar ?
- A Flamethrower!!!

Q: What do homosexuals and mice have in common?
A: They both hate pussy!

Q: WHAT DO YOU CALL A GAY BAR WITH NO BAR STOOLS?
A: A fruit stand.

Q: TWO GAY GUYS WERE HAVING SEX WHEN THEY BOTH DIE AT THE SAME TIME. WHO GOES TO HEAVEN FIRST?
A: The one who had his shit packed.

Q: WHAT DO YOU CALL A GAY COUPLE?
A: TOGAYTHER.