Laugh Your Heart Out with Our Unforgettable SEX Jokes!

The lack of teenage pregnancies at Hogwarts is unrealistic considering that the students had no Sex Ed classes.

Porn sites are the only places where it’s acceptable to separate people by their age, sexuality, race and country.

9/11 gets only a day for mourning while gay people get a “pride” month because homosexuality is a bigger tragedy.

Sex therapists claim that the best way to arouse a man is to spend 10 minutes licking his ears.

Personally I think it’s nuts.

Proven science fact - Having sex only 3 times a week, has proven to make you look 5-7 years younger.

Having sex can unblock a stuffy nose.

Did you know that too much sex can cause memory loss?

I read that in a medical journal on page 64, at 2:34pm on Friday 15th of August, 2021.

*Jesus having sex*

Jesus: call me daddy

her: oh God

Jesus: perfect

Software is like sex, it's better when it's free.

If Jesus doesn’t want us to have sex then why’s his middle name Fuckin’?

My sex-life is like Coca Cola....

...first it was normal, then it was light and now it's zero!

If having sex for money makes you a whore, does having sex for free make you a nonprofit whorganization ?

What does a robot do after sex?

He nuts and bolts.

People who buy sex dolls...

are just fucking dummies...,

My sexual preference is.....often.

I just saw my wife walk by with her sexiest underwear on, which can only mean on thing... It’s laundry day.

I just saw my wife walk by with her sexiest underwear on, which can only mean on thing... It’s laundry day.

Science is like sex. Sometimes something useful comes out of it, but that's not the reason we're doing it.

A pretty woman went to a mullah, “Please pray a cure me of my disease.”

Mullah said, ''I will pray for a cure for you, but as a token of gratitude, you must go to bed with me.”

She agreed, and the mullah had good sex.
Then the mullah asked, “Tell me, what is your ailment?”

“I have AIDS” replied the woman.

Once, in the fifteenth Century B.C., there lived a pharaoh.

And that pharaoh once got a sexually transmitted disease.

All the best medics in Egypt tried to cure him, but all have failed. One day, an old man told him that in one oasis to the west, there was an old sect of priests who knew many secrets of medicine.

Quickly, the pharaoh ordered his men to go there and bring him sages from that sect. For weeks he waited, until finally, the priests stood before him.

The priests examined him and said that there was only one thing that could cure him. He must have sexual relations with a 72-year-old virgin.

The pharaoh was desperate enough to try. For weeks he suffered as his men scoured Egypt for a 72-year-old virgin.

Finally, they found one. And they brought her to the pharaoh. And he slept with her.

And, just like that, his disease was gone.

All of them: the woman, the priests, the old man, were generously rewarded with gold.

2100 years the story was distorted and became 72 virgins in paradise.

Do you speak English?
Yes!

Name?
Abdul Aziz.

Sex?
Three to five times a week.

No, no...I mean male or female?
Yes, both male and female

Holy cow!
Yes, cows, sheep, and goats.

But isn't that hostile?
Horse style, doggy style, any style!

Oh dear!
No, no! Deer run too fast...

My wife and I had sex in Chernobyl.

9 months later we became a nuclear family.

What's the difference between Calculus and sex? Math nerds get Calculus.

Mary : i’m pregnant

Joseph : but we’ve never had sex??

Mary : you’re not gonna believe this..

THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN SEX YOU PAY FOR AND SEX FOR FREE IS SEX YOU PAY FOR IS CHEAPER.

My sexual preference is often.

Old statisticians never die, they just get broken down by age and sex.

They say makeup sex is the best sex.

But I can’t even get my dick in the mascara bottle.

My doctor asked me if my dick burned after sex. I told him I'd never tried lighting it.

My neighbor told me he heard me having sex this morning.

I was eating breakfast.

I prefer my sex in three acts.
It's a tragedy.

I haven’t had sex in so long my foreskin is growing back.

Did you know that too much sex can cause memory loss?

I read that in a medical journal on page 64, at 2:34pm on Friday 15th of August, 2021.

We were having sex the other night and to my surprise my gf started punching me in the face.

I have no idea who let her into my office.

Parents first say sex is bad and later ask for grandchildren.

I asked my Welsh friend, how many sexual partners he had had.
He started counting then fell asleep.

A job I was interviewing at I was asked, “are you a registered sex offender?”

I told them offendedly and sternly, “no I’m not registered!”

Last night I was offered a threesome by two hot twins

Sex with Jessica felt great, but Jeremy was a pain in the ass.

My Ex called me a sex machine.

Well. her exact words were "fucking tool" but I knew what she meant.

What do you call a sex toy that isn't used for penetration?

A dildon't