Nipple Jokes: Breaking taboos, one punchline at a time.

Martinis are like nipples.

One is too few, and three are too many.

Men have nipples; they just don't serve any purpose. And neither do their nipples.

I love women's forums, because no one cares about corruption, the dollar, terrorism ... Nothing cares there if it does not cause cracks on nipples.

Someone just knocked on my door and said I had to give them a small branch, or they would twist my nipple. Bloody twig or tweakers.

I've been thinking about getting cat faces tattooed around my nipples,
but I'm not sure how my boyfriend feels about titty tats.

I was once slapped in the face by a girl with 12 nipples.
Sounds weird, dozen tit?

Why do women have nipples?
To make suckers out of men.

The bar was pretty wild last night. Some dude got his nipple pierced...
and I got banned from darts...

People with pierced nipples have no excuse for losing their keys.

How do you make a few lbs of fat look good?
Put a nipple on it.

Why don't chicken breast have nipples?

Did y'all know there are more nipples in this world than people 😐.

I’m in a taxi and there's this guy and girl sitting next to me and all of a sudden the girl lifts up her top, pops out a titty and the guy just starts sucking on her nipples...
they didnt care who sees them and it went on for 5 minutes with lots of witness in the taxi...

the girl is about 27 years old and the guy is about 3-4 months old I think.

Juicy Proverbs
● Never dance naked because the body has parts that do not stop moving when the music stops.
● Sex is the only activity where you start at the top and work your way to the bottom, while getting a raise.
● Friends are like condoms; they protect you when things get hard.
● Without nipples, breasts would be pointless.
● Masturbation is like procrastination, it's all good and fun until you realize you are only fucking yourself.
● Without a doubt, women are the foundation stone of the society; but always remember who laid them!
● Education is like hiring a prostitute, it needs both money & hard work.
● When the toilet paper of experience is depleted, the ass of reason goes un-wiped.
● Men play the game. Women know the score.
● Wives are funny creatures. They don't have sex with their husbands for weeks and then they want to kill the woman who does!
● Guys are like roses, just watch out for the pricks
● College is like a woman; you work so hard to get in and nine months later you wish you'd never come.
● Whenever you feel low, depressed or useless, remember that you are the same sperm that won a battle against a million others.
● The girl who remembers her first kiss now has a daughter who can't even remember her first husband.
● Here is the definition of divorce, she gets the ring and the man gets the finger!
● See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time."
● Confucius say man who puts hand in bush is not always a gardener.
● A botany student has brought to our attention the fact that penis is the only thing that has to be grown before it is planted.

A guy goes up to a woman in a bar and says, "I'm gonna make your nipples hard"...
She says, "Oh, yeah...? My husband will kick your ass"...
He says, "And then I'm gonna turn you upside-down, pour beer in your pussy, and then guzzle it all down"...
She says, "That's it, I'm gonna tell my husband, and he's gonna kick your ass but real good"...
She goes home to her husband and says, "A guy at the bar told me he was gonna make my nipples hard"...
He gets really pissed off, and starts to walk out the door...
She grabs him by the arm, and says, "He also said he was gonna turn me upsid down, pour beer into my pussy, and then guzzle it all down"...
Her husband turns around and walks back into the house...
She yells, "Where are you going"...?
He says, "I ain't fucking with anybody who can drink that much beer"...?

Q:- Women's breasts. Why do they have nipples?
A:- Because otherwise they would be pointless.

Q: How do you make 4 lbs of fat look attractive ?
A: Put a nipple on it.

A woman decides to have a face lift for her 50th birthday. She spends $15,000 and feels pretty good about the results.
On her way home, she stops at a news stand to buy a newspaper. Before leaving, she says to the clerk, 'I hope you don't mind my asking, but how old do you think I am.
'About 32,' is the reply.'
'Nope! I'm exactly 50,' the woman says happily.
A little while later she goes into McDonald's and asks the counter girl the very same question.
The girl replies, 'I'd guess about 29.' The woman replies with a big smile, 'Nope, I'm 50.'
Now she's feeling really good about herself. She stops at a candy shop on her way down the street.
She goes up to the counter to get some mints and asks the assistant the same burning question.
The clerk responds, 'Oh, I'd say 30.'
Again she proudly responds, 'I'm 50, but thank you!'
While waiting for the bus to go home, she asks an old man waiting next to her the same question.
He replies, 'Lady, I'm 78 and my eyesight is going. Although, when I was young there was a sure-fire way to tell how old a woman was. It sounds very forward, but it requires you to let me put my hands under your bra. Then, and only then I can tell you EXACTLY how old you are.'
They wait in silence on the empty street until her curiosity gets the better of her.
She finally blurts out, 'What the hell, go ahead.'
He slips both of his hands under her blouse and begins to feel around very slowly and carefully.
He bounces and weighs each breast and he gently pinches each nipple.
He pushes her breasts together and rubs them against each other.
After a couple of minutes of this, she says, 'Okay, okay.....How old am I?'
He completes one last squeeze of her breasts, removes his hands, and says, 'Madam, you are 50.'
Stunned and amazed, the woman says, 'That was incredible, how could you tell?'
'I was behind you at McDonalds'.

Old lady says to her husband one morning..
My nipples are as hot today as they where 50 years ago...
Husband replies they would be..
Ones in your coffee and the others in your porridge !! 🤗