NSFW Jokes: Embrace the Irreverent and Unapologetic Side of Humor.

How do you get Dick from Richard?

You ask nicely.

They say pineapple juice makes your cum taste better.

But for me, it just ruins the pineapple juice.

Glory hole : When you want to shake hands without the small talk.

Threesomes are the only team sport where everyone gets a trophy.

How do you cancel an appointment at a sperm bank?
Phone them and tell them you can’t come 😂

I'm bad at two things: telling jokes, and not getting angry while waiting in queue at orgies...

But I keep punching up the fuck line.

I feel like such an amateur at these orgies I've been going to lately.

Everyone is just fucking better than me.

“He gently slid her panties to the side

so he could fit the rest of the socks in her drawer.”

Woman goes to a gynecologist:

Gynecologist: Have you ever had a checkup there?

Woman: No, but I have had a few Hungarians.

Love sucks ! ......true love swallows .

My wife and I had sex in Chernobyl.

9 months later we became a nuclear family.

Ladies, if your cup is only half full, you probably need a different bra....

It only takes 4 inches to please a woman.

And it doesn’t matter if it’s credit or debit.

They say makeup sex is the best sex.

But I can’t even get my dick in the mascara bottle.

Fuck rich and famous.

I wanna be wealthy and anonymous.

I named my indoor/outdoor cat, "Help," just to fuck with the neighbors.

I'm hesitant to enter a sack race. I just don't know if my balls are fast enough.

I prefer my sex in three acts.
It's a tragedy.

Saw a porn film last night. A woman was giving a hand job to a joiner, a plumber, an electrician and a plasterer...

It was called, "Jack Off All Trades!"

Me: “I’m so jealous of your heart right now” her: “why?”

Me: “because it’s pounding inside of you and I’m not”.

If you own a strip club in Poland, you have to polish your Polish pole with Polish pole polish.

Did you know that too much sex can cause memory loss?

I read that in a medical journal on page 64, at 2:34pm on Friday 15th of August, 2021.

We were having sex the other night and to my surprise my gf started punching me in the face.

I have no idea who let her into my office.

The best Safe Word you can use is
"Meatloaf." It means
"I would do anything for love but I won't do that."

What’s the difference between snow and a girl?

Snow is harder to plow when it’s wet.

Sex therapists claim that the most effective way to arouse a man, is to lick his ears for 10 minutes.

Personally, I think it's nuts.

The only left overs worth eating are single moms.

The winter during hard times is like my penis

Things get harder as we have less clothing.

Why do people enjoy having sex with vegetables?

They can't run away.

My sexual desires have been getting out of control…

But it wasn’t until I spanked a statue that I knew I’d hit rock bottom…

Drag racing is my favorite sport

I'm just so amazed at how fast they can run in heels.

What's the difference between a bitch and a hoe?

The hoe fucks everyone at the party. The bitch fuck everyone but you.

I snatch kisses and....

Vice versa.

When She Put Both Nuts In Her Mouth 🤤... Oh You A Squirrel 🐿

Masquerade parties are much more fun when you know the guy you’re fucking isn’t your husband 💕

I'm so torn on circumcision.

I mean, you're either foreskin or against it.

In Thailand, where on the woman's body is the clitoris?

Depends on the surgeon.

I hate those things that pop up out of nowhere when I'm watching porn.

Co-workers.

Anal, because happiness often sneaks in a door you didn't think was open.

I lost my virginity just to make my dog happy...