NSFW Jokes: Embrace the Irreverent and Unapologetic Side of Humor.

It only takes 4 inches to please a woman.

And it doesn’t matter if it’s credit or debit.

They say makeup sex is the best sex.

But I can’t even get my dick in the mascara bottle.

Fuck rich and famous.

I wanna be wealthy and anonymous.

I named my indoor/outdoor cat, "Help," just to fuck with the neighbors.

I'm hesitant to enter a sack race. I just don't know if my balls are fast enough.

I prefer my sex in three acts.
It's a tragedy.

Saw a porn film last night. A woman was giving a hand job to a joiner, a plumber, an electrician and a plasterer...

It was called, "Jack Off All Trades!"

Me: “I’m so jealous of your heart right now” her: “why?”

Me: “because it’s pounding inside of you and I’m not”.

If you own a strip club in Poland, you have to polish your Polish pole with Polish pole polish.

Did you know that too much sex can cause memory loss?

I read that in a medical journal on page 64, at 2:34pm on Friday 15th of August, 2021.

We were having sex the other night and to my surprise my gf started punching me in the face.

I have no idea who let her into my office.

The best Safe Word you can use is
"Meatloaf." It means
"I would do anything for love but I won't do that."

What’s the difference between snow and a girl?

Snow is harder to plow when it’s wet.

Sex therapists claim that the most effective way to arouse a man, is to lick his ears for 10 minutes.

Personally, I think it's nuts.

The only left overs worth eating are single moms.

The winter during hard times is like my penis

Things get harder as we have less clothing.

Why do people enjoy having sex with vegetables?

They can't run away.

My sexual desires have been getting out of control…

But it wasn’t until I spanked a statue that I knew I’d hit rock bottom…

Drag racing is my favorite sport

I'm just so amazed at how fast they can run in heels.

What's the difference between a bitch and a hoe?

The hoe fucks everyone at the party. The bitch fuck everyone but you.

I snatch kisses and....

Vice versa.

When She Put Both Nuts In Her Mouth 🤤... Oh You A Squirrel 🐿

Masquerade parties are much more fun when you know the guy you’re fucking isn’t your husband 💕

I'm so torn on circumcision.

I mean, you're either foreskin or against it.

In Thailand, where on the woman's body is the clitoris?

Depends on the surgeon.

I hate those things that pop up out of nowhere when I'm watching porn.

Co-workers.

Anal, because happiness often sneaks in a door you didn't think was open.

I lost my virginity just to make my dog happy...

I'm not always the cunt.
Sometimes I'm asleep.

Every girl is a stripper if you wait outside of her window long enough.

all sex is casual sex if ur not wearing a bow tie.

My ass looks the best when I walk away

-me flirting

I strongly believe that women hide their clit on purpose just to blame men for not finding it!

I juss wanna get rich the same way y'all get pregnant:

fast & unplanned.

My safe word is "meatloaf," because I would do anything for love, but I won't do that.

I caught my coworker watching porn during our meeting

He said this is his home security camera.

Momma said i can become anything,

So i became a fucking problem.

Why do Irishmen wear two condoms?
.
.
.
To be sure, to be sure! 😛

Giving advice to an idiot is very much like gifting dildo to a girl...

You know they need it but they will throw it in your face and call you a weirdo instead.

Eat pussy, it's 100% organic.

STOP calling people broke for not having stuff you slept with that old man for .

What's the opposite of "young, dumb, and full of cum"?

"Old, smart, and can't trust a fart".

I watched a video on how to improve my foreplay

It wasn't too bad once I skipped past the boring part at the beginning.

I have a bird fetish.

I can scarcely contain my libido when​ I look at chicks.

Morning blow jobs .

Because it’s faster than making a protein smoothie.

My wife was telling me about an innuendo contest…

So I entered her!

Prostate exams may be uncomfortable but my dentist still insists I get them.

I have a HEALTHY porn addiction.

By healthy..... I mean, it's my #1 source of exercise.

I haven’t had sex in so long my foreskin is starting to grow back .

Husband was screwing his secretary up the ass when his wife walked in

Wife: (sobbing) You can't do this to me!

Husband: I know that's why I am doing it with her!

What’s the difference between Disney+ and porn hub?

Disney + wants you to hate your stepmother.

When she says "don't come in me" but you know she'll make a great single mother.

Q: What's 12 inchs long and snaps a cunt?

A: Your selfie stick.

I think my girlfriend has had sixty-one boyfriends before me because she calls me her sixty second lover.

I sexually identify as a microwave meal! I’m ready in 3 minutes and look nothing like my pictures!

I'm going to start a vibrator repair service, and call it...

Inspect Her Gadget...

What word begins with the letter "F" and ends in "UCK"?

Firetruck.

My girlfriend said that I should use the term 'make love' instead of 'fuck.'

What the make love is she talking about?

Sex WITHOUT A CONDOM IS SO MAGICAL . A BABY Appears & The Father Disappears.

She told me she wanted 8 inches so I had to give it to her twice.

The opposite of BDSM is BDHM

Baby, don't hurt me

Today i saw a bunch of priests gang-banging

Holy Fuck!

"Excuse me," I said to the girl sat in front of me on the bus.

"You have some semen on the back of your jacket."

"I'm sure it's not semen," she said, "It's probably yogurt."

"It's definitely semen," I said, "I don't ejaculate yogurt."

Research suggests that 10% of men pay for sex

The other 90% just don't realize that they pay for sex.

Just found out today that I'm allergic to Viagra.

It makes me swell up.

ADULTING is learning spitting in yo partners mouth is APART OF SEX .

I hate when girls try to kiss me during sèx.
i got a girlfriend. Chill.

I got fired for not embracing diversity enough.
Showing my pornhub search history didn't help.

Aliens are probably monitoring our media.
98% of the internet is porn. Maybe they're not giving us anal probes. They're just trying to speak our language.

My daughter walked into our bedroom last night to catch us having sex.
"What are you doing?" she asked in shock.
"Making you someone to play with," I said.
"A brother?" she asked excitingly.
"No, a cousin," I replied. "Now go and watch out for your mother coming home."

I had a 69 with my son's teacher,
wait, he's homeschooled. Nevermind.

Everyone is a fan of the 69 position but I prefer the 68.
That's when you blow me and I owe you one.

How to respond when someone asks if you want to 69 ?
I’m down if you’re down.

Why can Miss Piggy only count to 68?
When she gets to 69, she gets a frog in her throat.

A cat falls in a pond and a rooster laughs.
The moral of this story? A wet pussy makes a cock happy.

I saw a cute coworker and had sex in the back till i realized it is a family buisness.
#incestjoke

Some people think incest jokes are funny. I just think it’s all relative.

When your crush walks in class but youre homeschooled…
#incest

What's the best thing about being a necrophiliac?
You don't have to bring the flowers.

A couple of necrophiliacs were walking around town. One of them saw a morgue and said:
"Hey, wanna go in for a couple of cold ones?"