Where humor meets ultimate satisfaction!
I fake all my orgasms. I'd never want to disappoint my hand.
- Ryan Reynolds
Orgasms are like gym memberships. I pay for them, but rarely use them.
- Ellen DeGeneres
Laugh Your Way to Ecstasy: Orgasm Jokes, the Home of Side-Splitting Humor.
I nudged my wife in bed last night, and whispered "Did you know it's National Orgasm Day?"
"Oh, what a pity," she yawned, turning away. "Right in the middle of National Headache Week!”
What do women want? Shoes. Lots and lots of shoes. Like a lot of shoes. Sometimes orgasms but mostly shoes.
Sex over 40 can be exciting
You never know whether it's an orgasm, a stroke or just a cramp.
I’m organising a charity ball next week for people who struggle to reach orgasm Just let me know if you can’t come.
Why did God invent orgasms for women. So they can still have a fucking moan even when they're enjoying themselves.
I'm having a charity event for people that struggle to orgasm.
Let me know if you can’t come.
I used to go out with a girl who punched me in the face when she orgasmed..
I didn't mind too much until I found out she was faking them!!!
God is talking to Adam and Eve one day during the Creation. "Well, you two, I only have a couple more goodies left to hand out before my job is done. Which one of you wants to be able to pee standing up?"
Adam raises his hand and yells, "Me, me, pick me!" So God obliges .
God looks at Eve and says : "Well sorry Eve . . . but it looks like you're stuck with the multiple orgasms."
My proctologist tried to ease the awkwardness after the unexpected orgasm by telling me it's perfectly natural.
I just wish he'd have aimed away from me.
I asked my wife if she ever faked an orgasm. She said she never had time.
Orgasm Jokes, Elevating Humor to Climactic Heights.
An Older Man had met a Younger Woman, but unfortunately he was unable to last very long before he would Orgasm during Sex.
A caring Man, he was concerned that he was disappointing his New Lover, so he called his Doctor for advice...???
The Doc told him that masturbating before Sex, often helped Men last longer during the Act. The Man decided, "What the hell, I'll try it."
He spent the rest of the day thinking about where to do it..??
He couldn't do it in his Office. He thought about the Toilets or Restroom, but that was too open.
He considered an Alleyway, but figured that was too Unsafe.
Finally, he realized his solution. On his way home, he pulled his Truck over on the side of the Highway.
He got out and crawled underneath as if he was examining the Truck..??
Satisfied with the Privacy, he undid his Pants and started to Masturbate.
He Closed his Eyes and thought of his Lover.
As he grew closer to Orgasm, he felt a quick tug at the bottom of his Pants.
Not wanting to lose his Mental Fantasy or the Orgasm, he kept his eyes shut and replied, "WHAT"..?!?!? In a stern voice.
He heard, "This is the Police. What the Hell are you Doing"..???
The Man replied, "I'm checking out the Rear Axle, it's Noisy, could be Busted."
The Cop says,
"Well, you better check your Brakes too, because your Truck rolled away, down the Hill, 5 minutes ago.😂
What if they had an orgasm party and nobody came?
A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes. (O.M.G.!!!) A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death. (Creepy. I'm still not over the pig.) The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off. (Honey, I'm home . What the...?) The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the length of a football field. (30 minutes. Lucky pig! Can you imagine?) The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds. (What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?) Some lions mate over 50 times a day. (I still can't believe that pig ...quality over quantity.) Butterflies taste with their feet. (Something I always wanted to know.) Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump. (Okay, so that would be a good thing.) A cat's urine glows under a black light. (I wonder how much the government paid to figure that out.) An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain. (I know some people like that.) Starfish have no brains. (I know some people like that, too.) Polar bears are left-handed. (Talk about a southpaw.) Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure. (What about that pig? Do the dolphins know about the pig?) Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread these crazy facts. (and God love that pig);)
I orgasmed in the tub last night.
The wife fucking hates it when I call her that.
A woman constantly keeps sneezing and goes to see the doctor. She tells him, "Doctor, I constantly keep sneezing, and every time I sneeze, I have an orgasm." The doctor asks, "What are you doing for it?" The woman replies, "Sniffing pepper."
A professor was giving a lecture on involuntary muscular contractions to his first year medical students. Realizing that this was not the most riveting subject, he decided to lighten the mood. He pointed to a young woman in the front row and asked, "Do you know what your asshole is doing while you're having an orgasm?" She replied, "He's probably playing golf with his friends."
How do you know when a man's had an orgasm?
He snores. 😴
Why do so many women fake orgasm?
Because so many men fake foreplay.
I’m hosting a charity event for people that can’t orgasm.
Let me know if you can’t come.
Why do women have orgasms?
Just another reason to moan, really.