Random underwear joke:

I wish I hadn't bought my underwear online.
They now want me to take a brief survey.

UNDERWEAR jokes collection.

Selected underwear jokes:

A “buttload” of underwear would be exactly one pair.

Superman wears his underwear outside his pants and he's a "hero".

I do, and I'm "weird", "creepy" and "never invited over again."

I wish I hadn't bought my underwear online.
They now want me to take a brief survey.

Why do women wear panties with flowers on them?
In loving memory of all the faces that have been buried there.

More underwear jokes...

I just saw my wife walk by with her sexiest underwear on, which can only mean on thing... It’s laundry day.

I just saw my wife walk by with her sexiest underwear on, which can only mean on thing... It’s laundry day.

“He gently slid her panties to the side

so he could fit the rest of the socks in her drawer.”

My ex never wore panties to cookouts....

It kept the flies off the food.

A “buttload” of underwear would be exactly one pair.

If you wear granny panties, it's actually illegal for you to give fashion advice.

I'm "keeps a pair of underwear in the glove box because I don't trust my farts anymore" years old.

Paul McCartney has been asked to improve the Syrian president's skimpy underwear.

Take Assad's thong and make it better.

Some people change relationships like the rest of us change underwear.
At least once a day, sometimes more if shit got messy.

My neighbour said she thinks she knows who's stealing her underwear.
I nearly crapped her pants when she said that.

Do you know why a witch never wears panties?

More grip on the broom.

What kind of underwear do long distance runners wear? Marathongs...

I bought some sexy crotchless panties in Victoria's Secret today.
"A surprise for the wife?" asked the cashier.
"Maybe" I replied, "It all depends on whether she catches me wearing them or not."

I went into Victoria's Secret and asked the assistant if they sold satin underwear.

They advised me that EVERYTHING they sell is brand new!

Girls think they can change a guy who doesn't even change his underwear daily..

I am doing a bra giveaway.

Send me pics of your boobs and I'll see if I have something that fits you.

I was watching TV and an ad for a new wireless bra came on. I didn't know they were electric.

I've never understood why people hold "brief" meetings. Why would you want to have a meeting in your underwear?

I wish I hadn't bought my underwear online.
They now want me to take a brief survey.

I was an underwear model, but not very long, just a brief moment.

I love putting on warm underwear fresh from the dryer, plus it’s fun to look around the laundromat and guess who they belong to…

What do they call a bra in Germany,
A stopth em from floppin.

When I get home the first thing I'm going to do is rip my wife's panties off. Because they're too small and the elastic is killing me.

Surprise him by stashing skittles in your bra so later when he motorboats you he can taste the rainbow.

I just saw my wife walk by with her sexiest underwear on, which can only mean onе thing... It’s laundry day.

The lingerie owner didn't know how well he was doing. He was underwear of his success.

It was National no bra day today but i knew it was going to be a flop due to the lack of support.

I choose my underwear for the day based on how likely I am to have sex.
Today I'm wearing a used grocery bag I found floating across the highway

When she is talking to me without bra I automatically start seeing her points.

Why is a bra singular and panties plural?

My wife told me no one is coming over for Thanksgiving and I can sit in my underwear all day, so much to be thankful for.

Was going to tell a quick bra joke...
...however I'm strapped for time.

My dad sent me to a psychiatrist for wearing his bra again.

I had a bit of a lazy day sitting in my underwear looking for jobs online.
My boss was furious.

Chuck once dueled Superman. The loser had to wear his underwear on the outside of his clothes forever!

Man or woman, taking a bra off is likely to be one of the high points of your day.

Confucius say, man who pull woman's bra strap, may get bust in face.

Confucius say, panties not best thing on earth, but next to it.

An English gentleman was waiting at a bus stop...
...standing next to him was a very attractive woman in a very short dress. A sudden breeze caused her dress to fly up revealing she had no panties on. The English gentleman witnessed this and being a bit flustered said, "Bit airy, isn't it"
The woman replied, "What were you expecting? Feathers?"

A 60 years old lady was standing next to the railing on a cruise ship.
She was using both hands to hold her hat onto her head so it wouldn't blow away....
A gentleman approached the lady and said .....
"Ma'am, ....
I am sorry to bother you but the wind is blowing your dress up"....
The lady replied, ......
"Sir, if I take my hands off of my hat it will blow away".....
"I understand,..ma'am,.....but .... you aren't wearing any panties", .....replied the gentleman.
The lady looked down then ......back up at the gentleman and said,
- "Sir, .... anything you see down that is 60 years old. I bought this hat yesterday"

An old lady goes to a dentist, lies on his table, drops her panties and stretches her legs
The dentist says “I’m not a gynecologist.” She says “I know, I need my husband’s teeth back.”

I got a brief joke about underwear.

Why did Michael Jackson go shopping at the mall?
He heard boys underwear was half off.

What did the bra say to the hat at the end of the undergarment party?
You go on ahead, I'll give these two a lift.

A “buttload” of underwear would be exactly one pair.

The nice thing about being a guy is your underwear only costs $10 for a 3-pack.

Oxymorons .....
1. Is it good if a vacuum really sucks?
2. Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand?
3. If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know?
4. If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words?
5. Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?
6. Why does "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing?
7. Why does "fat chance" and "slim chance" mean the same thing?
8. Why do "tug" boats push their barges?
9. Why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game" when we are already there?
10. Why are they called "stands" when they are made for sitting?
11. Why is it called "after dark" when it really is "after light"?
12. Doesn't "expecting the unexpected" make the unexpected expected?
13. Why are a "wise man" and a "wise guy" opposites?
14. Why do "overlook" and "oversee" mean opposite things?
15. Why is "phonics" not spelled the way it sounds?
16. If work is so terrific, why do they have to pay you to do it?
17. If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
18. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
19. If you are cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?
20. Why is bra singular and panties plural?
21. Why do you press harder on the buttons of a remote control when you know the batteries are dead?
22. Why do we put suits in garment bags and garments in a suitcase?
23. How come abbreviated is such a long word?
24 Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?
25. Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
26. Why do they call it a TV set when you only have one?
27. Christmas - What other time of the year do you sit in front of a dead tree and eat candy out of your socks?
28. Why do we drive on a parkway and park on a driveway ?

Uterus: I didn’t bleed all day yesterday — you should totally wear cute panties.
Also uterus: Surprise her.

I'm doing a free Bra give away.
Send me a picture of your tits and I'll see if there's something that fits you.

You don’t need to pay for a bra to get boob support.
There’s plenty of people out there who would volunteer to hold your boobs for free.

More underwear jokes on the following pages...