Rude Jokes Galore - Unleashing the Naughty Side of Laughter.

Hillbilly weddingnight! They are in the bedroom, undressing. She says: " you have to be very careful with me, I am still a virgin!" He pulls up his pants runs out of the room. Sprints all the way home to his father and tells him about his virgin bride. Father says:" thanks god, son, good you didn't touch that bitch! If she isn't even good enough for her own family what does that filthy piece want with us?!"

The only B word you should ever call a woman is Beautiful.
😍
Bitches love that.
😁

2 guys were talking about what they got their wives for Valentines Day
The first guy says: "I got my wife flowers, chocolates and a diamond bracelet"
The second guy replies: "Oh nice she will like that... I too got my wife flowers, chocolates, but with a diamond ring..................... and a dildo.
The first guy asks: "that sounds great but why the dildo?................
The second guy looks him in the eyes and says: "Well if she doesnt like the ring she can go fuck herself!"

What is the difference between a pitbull and a woman on her rag?
The lipstick!

"Barry, If you don't marry me now I'm pregnant I'm gonna jump off the Sydney Harbour Bridge"
"Crikey Sheila, I knew you were a good fuck, but no idea you're such a good sport too"

Looking for a wife to cook, clean, snuggle, laugh at my jokes, make love, then fuck off home when her husband calls.

Two midgets go into a bar, where they pick up two prostitutes and take them to their separate hotel rooms. The first midget, however, is unable to get an erection. His depression is enhanced by the fact that, from the next room, he hears cries of, "ONE, TWO, THREE...UUH!" all night long. In the morning, the second midget asks the first, "How did it go?" The first whispered back, "It was so embarrassing. I simply couldn't get a hard-on." The second midget shook his head. "You think that's embarrassing?" he asked. "I couldn't even get on the fucking bed"

A boob, a vagina and an asshole are debating on who is the greatest of the three of them!
Boob - "I give milk to new born babies and I'm attractive to the opposite sex, that's why I am the greatest!"
Vagina - "That's nothing, I give birth to new born and can accommodate the opposite sex, that's why I am the greatest!"
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Why are you scrolling down, it's your turn to speak....lol

A Jew and a Chinese was walking down the street, the Jew turns around and punches the Chinese, the Chinese says “ the fuck was that for?” The Jew replies” that’s for Pearl Harbor!” The Chinese says, “ that was Japanese, I’m Chinese” Jew says, “ Chinese, Japanese same thing .” So they continue walking, then the Chinese turns around and punches the Jew. “ the fuck was that for?!” The Chinese says, that’s for the titanic!!!” Jew replies, that was an iceberg!” Chinese says,” iceberg, Goldberg, same shit”

Why did princess Diana cross the road?
Because she wasn't wearing her seatbelt.

Friend: What do you know about midgets?
Me: Very little.

A man with no arms and no legs is on a beach.. A women walks past n he's says.. Excuse me will you hug me I've never been hugged before.. She reply yes course I will...
The next women comes along... He says excuse me will you kiss me I've never kissed before she replys course I will..
. The next women comes along n he's says excuse me will you fuck me I've never been fucked before and she replys... You'll be fucked in a minute the tides coming in🤣🤣

Life is like a box of chocolates. It doesn’t last long if you’re fat.

The waitress at the diner brought me my order. I could see that she had her thumb sticking into my soup in the bowl. When I pointed this out she said, "I got a sore on that thumb and it feels better when I stick it in something warm." So I reply, "Why don't you just stick it up your ass?" She says, "I do, when I'm not serving soup."👱‍♀️

Love is like a fart. If you have to force it it’s probably shit.

How do u stop an argument between two deaf people.

Put the light off.

A very obese man goes to a nude beach he is walking up and down the shore line when a man approaches him and asks him hey man when is the last time you saw your dick??? The obese man replies shit man it's been years...with out batting an eye the man says why don't you diet...the obese man says why what color is it now???

i never make joke about people with disabilities...it is so lame.

What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?
Nothing you've already told her twice.

Why do women parachutists wear jockstraps? So they don’t whistle on the way down.

Hitting the gym to release stress is NOT nearly as effective as hitting the dick or the cunt that caused the fucking stress.

How do you know when a blond is using a vibrator???
All her front teeth are chipped...

My girlfriend just said I’m gay.....
If my nails weren’t drying, I would have punched her 💅

If a midget smokes weed, does he get high or medium 🤔

Anyone can be an asshole, but I prefer to call you 'Ankles' because you're 3 feet below a cunt!

Old lady says to her husband one morning..
My nipples are as hot today as they where 50 years ago...
Husband replies they would be..
Ones in your coffee and the others in your porridge !! 🤗

Don't name a male dog Karma.
Karma’s a bitch.

Never objectify any woman. It hates that.

Q: Why do women have two holes.
A: So that when they are drunk, you can carry them like a six pack! 😁

Q: What's the difference between a pussy and a cunt?
A: A pussy is sweet, juicy, succulent, warm, fun and a useful thing. The cunt is the thing that owns it!

Q: What do homosexuals and mice have in common?
A: They both hate pussy!

Q: Why do women have vaginas?
A: So that men will speak to them! 😎

Sarah goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?" Sarah waves her hand, "Me, Miss Rogers, me, me!" Miss Rogers says, "All right, Sarah, what is your multi-syllable word?" Sarah says, "Mas-tur-bate." Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, Sarah, that's a mouthful." Sarah says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."

What did one butt cheek say to the other?
Together, we can stop this crap.

Where do you find a dog with no legs?
Right where you left him!

Why are there no women on the moon?
Because it doesn't need to be cleaned 🌒

- whats the difference between a girls argument and a knife ?
- a knife has a point 🔪

How do you get a dishwasher to dig a hole?
Give the woman a shovel! 😲

Q: Why is a woman with no breasts a pirate's delight?
A: Because she has a sunken chest. 🏴‍☠️🦜

Q: What's the difference between a wife and a mistress?
A: About fifty pounds. ⚖