Laugh Your Heart Out with Our Unforgettable SEX Jokes!

My doctor asked me if my dick burned after sex. I told him I'd never tried lighting it.

My neighbor told me he heard me having sex this morning.

I was eating breakfast.

I prefer my sex in three acts.
It's a tragedy.

I haven’t had sex in so long my foreskin is growing back.

Did you know that too much sex can cause memory loss?

I read that in a medical journal on page 64, at 2:34pm on Friday 15th of August, 2021.

We were having sex the other night and to my surprise my gf started punching me in the face.

I have no idea who let her into my office.

Parents first say sex is bad and later ask for grandchildren.

I asked my Welsh friend, how many sexual partners he had had.
He started counting then fell asleep.

A job I was interviewing at I was asked, “are you a registered sex offender?”

I told them offendedly and sternly, “no I’m not registered!”

Last night I was offered a threesome by two hot twins

Sex with Jessica felt great, but Jeremy was a pain in the ass.

My Ex called me a sex machine.

Well. her exact words were "fucking tool" but I knew what she meant.

What do you call a sex toy that isn't used for penetration?

A dildon't

Men aren't any more sexist than women. We're just naturally better at it.

Sex therapists claim that the most effective way to arouse a man, is to lick his ears for 10 minutes.

Personally, I think it's nuts.

Why do people enjoy having sex with vegetables?

They can't run away.

My sexual desires have been getting out of control…

But it wasn’t until I spanked a statue that I knew I’d hit rock bottom…

My girlfriend says, the new breast implants make her feel uncomfortable.

But, I think I look sexy.

Why does sexual reassignment surgery only have 2 gender options?

all sex is casual sex if ur not wearing a bow tie.

Why is it considered harassment to talk about sex in the workplace but not to children at school?

My wife and I have started role playing in the bedroom, her favourite is 'Sexy librarian' where I have to sit quietly while she reads a book.

I haven’t had sex in so long my foreskin is starting to grow back .

We all deserve morning sex and pancakes.

Anal sex keeps my gf in shape. Every time I just mention it and she runs a mile from me.

I sexually identify as a microwave meal! I’m ready in 3 minutes and look nothing like my pictures!

Sex is like sleep to me , i don't get any.

A boob, vagina and asshole are debating who is the greatest.
Boob: I produce milk for babies and I am attractive to the opposite sex.

Vagina: That's nothing, I give birth to babies and can accommodate the opposite sex.
Why are you still scrolling down? It's your turn to speak.

Sex WITHOUT A CONDOM IS SO MAGICAL . A BABY Appears & The Father Disappears.

I always shave my beard after having sex

... so I can remind my gf for how long we've not been doing it.

Research suggests that 10% of men pay for sex

The other 90% just don't realize that they pay for sex.

I asked a hooker if she’d give me free sex.
She said “I don’t give a fuck.”

ADULTING is learning spitting in yo partners mouth is APART OF SEX .

What do you call sexual intercourse between a priest and a nun?
Holy fuck.

My daughter walked into our bedroom last night to catch us having sex.
"What are you doing?" she asked in shock.
"Making you someone to play with," I said.
"A brother?" she asked excitingly.
"No, a cousin," I replied. "Now go and watch out for your mother coming home."

I asked my German wife to give me a 69 .
She replied, “Sex, Nein!”

When a man and a woman have simultaneous oral sex, we call it 69. What do we call it if it is two men in a similar position?
Eleven.

69% of people will find something sexual in this sentence!

They told me I have to do sexual harassment training at work.
Which is ridiculous, I’m already very good at it.

My gf complains to me about constantly being sexually harassed at work​.
I told her she can stop working from home and go back to the office.

I saw a cute coworker and had sex in the back till i realized it is a family buisness.
#incestjoke