Laugh Your Heart Out with Our Unforgettable SEX Jokes!

Men aren't any more sexist than women. We're just naturally better at it.

Sex therapists claim that the most effective way to arouse a man, is to lick his ears for 10 minutes.

Personally, I think it's nuts.

Why do people enjoy having sex with vegetables?

They can't run away.

My sexual desires have been getting out of control…

But it wasn’t until I spanked a statue that I knew I’d hit rock bottom…

My girlfriend says, the new breast implants make her feel uncomfortable.

But, I think I look sexy.

Why does sexual reassignment surgery only have 2 gender options?

all sex is casual sex if ur not wearing a bow tie.

Why is it considered harassment to talk about sex in the workplace but not to children at school?

My wife and I have started role playing in the bedroom, her favourite is 'Sexy librarian' where I have to sit quietly while she reads a book.

I haven’t had sex in so long my foreskin is starting to grow back .

We all deserve morning sex and pancakes.

Anal sex keeps my gf in shape. Every time I just mention it and she runs a mile from me.

I sexually identify as a microwave meal! I’m ready in 3 minutes and look nothing like my pictures!

Sex is like sleep to me , i don't get any.

A boob, vagina and asshole are debating who is the greatest.
Boob: I produce milk for babies and I am attractive to the opposite sex.

Vagina: That's nothing, I give birth to babies and can accommodate the opposite sex.
Why are you still scrolling down? It's your turn to speak.

Sex WITHOUT A CONDOM IS SO MAGICAL . A BABY Appears & The Father Disappears.

I always shave my beard after having sex

... so I can remind my gf for how long we've not been doing it.

Research suggests that 10% of men pay for sex

The other 90% just don't realize that they pay for sex.

I asked a hooker if she’d give me free sex.
She said “I don’t give a fuck.”

ADULTING is learning spitting in yo partners mouth is APART OF SEX .

What do you call sexual intercourse between a priest and a nun?
Holy fuck.

My daughter walked into our bedroom last night to catch us having sex.
"What are you doing?" she asked in shock.
"Making you someone to play with," I said.
"A brother?" she asked excitingly.
"No, a cousin," I replied. "Now go and watch out for your mother coming home."

I asked my German wife to give me a 69 .
She replied, “Sex, Nein!”

When a man and a woman have simultaneous oral sex, we call it 69. What do we call it if it is two men in a similar position?
Eleven.

69% of people will find something sexual in this sentence!

They told me I have to do sexual harassment training at work.
Which is ridiculous, I’m already very good at it.

My gf complains to me about constantly being sexually harassed at work​.
I told her she can stop working from home and go back to the office.

I saw a cute coworker and had sex in the back till i realized it is a family buisness.
#incestjoke

Never trust a man that calls you SEXY because he will remove the Y and have sex with you then run away with S and call you Ex.

During sexual intercourse Jimmy suddenly stops and becomes motionless..

Girl: What the heck are you doing??

Jimmy: I have seen this on adult porn sites, it's called "buffering"

My new girlfriend said it would be at least six months before she'd consider giving me oral sex......

I told her that I fully understand and respect her decision and that I will call her again nearer the time....😂

*Sexting over walkie talkies*

“Hell yeah baby bend over.”

“Bend what? Over.”

I got a really angry and weird look from my gf the other day during sex.
Turns out it didn't help that she was looking at me through the window.

What happens if you have sex with a Mcdonalds employee and you make her squirt?
She charges you 25 cents for extra sauce.

During an inquiry, a priest was asked if he had had improper sexual relations.
He said that he had nun.

They say makeup sex is the best, but I can’t even get my dick in the mascara bottle.

How do people in a long-distance relationship get laid?
They have a sex drive.

We’ve just gotten into tantric sex…
It’s been a long time coming!

How did you quit smoking?
I decided to smoke only after sex.

Sex is like a burrito…
Don’t unwrap or that baby’s in your lap.