100+ fat, obese and chunky jokes 🤪.

My wife is on the Cyclops diet. She's always got one eye on the fridge.

I don't go swimming because it's never been 30 minutes after the last time I ate.

According to serving sizes tonight, I'm a family of 4.

I went to the gym to workout, and a group of buff guys walked past me and called me a fat loser.

Technically they were right, because I lost a lot of fat.

It's all fun and games until your oversized shirts start fitting.

I wish I was as fat as the first time I thought I was fat.

If you love something, let it go... and that's EXACTLY what I've done with my body.

Yo mama so fat...

that when she has threesomes the dudes never meet.

I gave up on the scissors diet because I just couldn't cut it.

Didn't intend to gain weight. It happened by snaccident.

Dieting could also be considered
"Waist management "

Almost a third of the people are obese.

These are round figures.

I would lose weight but I hate losing.

DIET DAY 1.
I have removed all the bad food from my home.

It was delicious.

I gave up on the poker diet because my stomach was beginning to resemble a full house.

I didn't mean to gain weight.
It happened by snaccident.

Whenever I gain weight, I get waisted.

I have the body of a porn star.
All my clothes say XXX.

Chances of losing weight are slim.

I always eat too many snacks when I’m nervous and also when I’m not.

I gave up on the beaver diet because frankly I don't give a dam.

When Fat girls become mum, they are called Maximum.

Do you know how to lose weight? ...fast.

I tried the battery diet until I ran out of power.

There is a slim chance that I will start dieting.

Q- is your stomach flat?
A- yes…just the L is silent.

Diet books are always best sellers,
because they appeal to a wider audience!

If you love something, let it go... and that's EXACTLY what I've done with my body.

Wives are like Thanksgiving turkeys …
They eventually get fat and then stop gobbling.

I want to loose weight but weight doesn't wanna loose me.

Apparently, it’s only appropriate to say “look at you! You’ve gotten so big!“ to children.
Adults tend to get offended.
I know that now.

So I wrote a book about dieting.

I think it will appeal to a wide audience.

"Does my uniform make me look fat?"
- Insecurity guard

A middle-aged housewife decides to donate her old clothes to charity
Wife: "I've gathered up some old clothes and I need you to drop them off at the church charity."

Husband: *Groaning* " Why not just throw them out? It's easier that way."

Wife: "Because there are people out there who are poor and starving that need these clothes."

Husband: "Darling, anyone who fits into your clothes is not starving."

I'm not fat, I'm hot. And when things get hot they expand, it's science.

My trainer told me that every time I ate a donut it went to my hip.
Note to self: eat 2 so my hips will match.

I'm not saying my wife's a fat ...
But I've had to put an energy-saving bulb in the fridge.

I DO have a six pack abs. You just can’t see them under all my fat.

I never said you were fat, I simply said I’ve never heard a wicker chair scream like that.

You're not fat, you're padded for extra comfort.

What's the point of a high school reunion? I have Facebook. I already know you got fat.

I didn't mean to gain weight.
It happened by snaccident.

What do you call someone who can’t stick to their diet??
A desserter.

There is an app on my phone that makes me look fat. It is called camera.

The second day of a diet is always easier than the first. By the second day, you're off it.

Doctors tell us there are over seven million people who are overweight.
These of course, are only round figures.

This fat girl just served me in McDonald's.
She said Sorry about the wait.
I said Don't worry you'll find a way to lose it eventually.

Now I’m not saying that my wife is fat, but when she took a flight last week, she had to book two seats.

And they were both window seats.

People who weigh themselves every day are indulging in wishful shrinking.

The word "Fat" just looks like someone took a bite out of the word "Eat"

I went to the gym to workout, and a group of buff guys walked past me and called me a fat loser.
Technically they were right, because I lost a lot of fat.

I had to go on two diets because one wasn't giving me enough food.

EAT becomes FAT if you don’t draw the line.

When your wife or girlfriend asks, "Do I look fat?" the ONLY correct response is, "Do I look stupid?